Farm Life

[Sandy Clark]

Hey Spiritwind.....may your days be filled with strong immune system building for your goats, self and Hubby and may Jinger birth healthy little ones on time at home along with Cry Baby suckling her own again soon. AND.....in the meantime

It is okay to hit the RUBBER ROOM for a reprieve of tears, screaming and any or all things that relieve stress. Do remember just in case the stay is a little long because you took a nap too; to take bottles and milk along with you!!

[Spiritwind]

I've been in a strange sort of limbo these last few days, feeling immense fatigue and yet over amped inner ponderings as I process all that has transpired since I last posted here. I realized as I allowed my mind to wander where it wanted to take me, that although I feel quite amazed at the amount of excitement, stress, and even anxiety my life raising goats has provided, that it still beats the regular life of most of the people I know today. It has even allowed me to traverse between realms and realities with greater freedom and ease, even though it engenders a certain danger and the responsibility that comes with the awareness of not knowing the outcome of certain choices, and the living of life on the edge. I realized I never wanted a "safe" life, because I recognize that sales pitch as the lie it is. Nothing about this reality is safe or sure.

It never has been. This may seem a strange place to write about this, but it is what has come up for me as I attempted to clear the inner page enough to write about my actual farm life experiences. I realized that this life that I am living, embodied as I am in a human form, is a gift, even though it may not seem like it at times. And I realize that many of the people I have been close to and known throughout the course of this lifetime have, over time, lost their sense of adventure and chosen to conform. And it's like they lost a part of themselves in the process. It makes me sad to think about it, but I do not fault them for choosing what they believe is the safest route. I know this sense of safety to be an illusion, so I really can't opt out. I know I will doggedly continue the path I am on, even though I have no idea where it will take me, and it seems to keep taking me farther from the norm in my outlook and understanding. It can feel a lonely place at times.

At the same time I feel freer than I ever have before, in that with each and every fear I face I get a little stronger in who I am on a very deep level that goes beyond the physical form I inhabit. Life will continue to terrify me at times, but only because of what these challenges bring up for me on the inner planes. I ask myself why anyone in their right mind would say "bring it on". But then I've never been in my right mind. I just know the pit of lies I continue to uncover just gets deeper and deeper. I don't even know where the bottom is, if there even is one.

Anyway, dealing with the things that come up on the farm, to me, in this physical world are, or at least can be, some of the most real one can have. So I left off in the last post with Cry Baby home and doing better, still bottle feeding her three and the other three orphans of Mama's Girl. And waiting for Jinjer to kid. Later that day I finally had a woman and her friend come and look at Heidi and her two kids, Buttercup and Annie. I had been trying to sell them for about three months and decided to make a package deal on all three, with some added perks in there. She has plenty of acreage for them, and had herself lost a cow to coccidia earlier this year, so totally understood my plight there. I was immensely relieved to see them going to a good place. By the way, loosing an animal to coccidia does not mean you have poor management practices. You can do everything right and still have this happen. But, once you do identify the problem you should be able to take action that will prevent any future losses. It's horrible that I had to loose a goat to this, but at least now I know exactly what I'm looking at when one of my goats displays certain symptoms and can take corrective measures. Hard lesson learned.

The next morning I went out to start the generator and saw what looked like a flying shadow figure flying from left to right into the trees away from our 5th wheel. I thought it odd, but didn't give it much more thought. Then a few hours later a county sheriff showed up and said that they had a report that I had manure piles too close to my goat pens and someone was concerned. I took him around and showed him our whole operation, which he seemed to think was quite adequate and left on good terms. I at first thought it was the lady who came and bought the goats the day before, but after communicating with her about it was assured she would never do anything of the kind. She said she had manure piles from winter they were still removing as well. It was a very long winter with a very wet spring. Anyway, that only leaves two other suspects. I'll probably never know for sure, but I can speculate. Someone needs to get a life.

The next day was the Fourth of July. I had made an appointment for Jinjer with the vet for the next day. That afternoon she actually wanted back in her pen on her own, which was a sign to me that something was up. Shortly after my husband came home from work I shouted to him that he needed to come take a look. She was in labor, and she was not having an easy time of it. We figured she probably was a bit overdue, and the kid was not coming out right and was stuck. She didn't seem to dilate all the way, even though she was pushing hard. It was a chicken with your head cut off type of moment for me, I ashamedly have to admit. I can't even remember clearly the full sequence of events, except that she was throwing her head out while her whole body looked like it was tensing out like I had never seen before. I had just been stung by something mean and nasty and had onion slices wrapped on my arm to take the swelling down, so I couldn't stick my hand in there (onion, by the way, works wonders!). And my husband's hands weren't fitting. After some extremely tense time stopping moments he got ahold of the feet, one of which was turned the wrong way, and started pulling. The baby still wouldn't fit, so I started trying to help stretch her cervix out more. With her pushing, him pulling, and me stretching, in one great grunt she was out. But not very responsive. And of course I had no idea where the bulb syringe was.

Anyway, I grabbed a regular 6ml syringe we had and my husband kept working with her. The baby had tore a small hole in Jinjer's cervix with the hoof that wasn't in place, so I was very concerned about that. I ran and got some warm water with molasses in it to give Jinjer, which she readily drank. After we finally got both of them kind of situated and cleaned up I ran in with fingers crossed hoping that my old goat contact, Melissa, would actually answer her phone. Thankfully she did. I wanted to know about giving Jinjer a shot of the antibiotics we had for Cry Baby. Come to find out she never withholds kids from nursing when mom's receiving an antibiotic. She said the vets tell you that to protect themselves from liability. And she did recommend giving her a shot, as well as mixing some with water and squirting some into the birth canal. Thank goodness we had all the supplies on hand. Being a holiday there wasn't a vet or feed store open anywhere. There would have been no time to seek outside help anyway, as everything happened very quickly. We would have lost both mom and baby had we not been there and acted fast. We named her little doeling Miracle.

And, since Cry Baby was just about back to normal, with goat berry poop like it's supposed to be, I let her babies back in with her. She was very happy. Such a good mom, and is nursing them all well enough I haven't had to bottle feed them anymore. Yay! Things are finally starting to settle down and I can just shake my head at the wonder of it all. There's nothing quite like having a baby goat in your arms, snuggling into your arm pit and just falling asleep, content with the world. What a ride.

[Spiritwind]

It is so nice to log in to EE these days and see something new to read almost every time! And I've been barely able to make myself write anything. It's not that there is nothing to write about. It's just that sometimes the words are mysteriously absent from my consciousness. Then there is the fact that some of my daily life experience is just too odd to write about and share with others. And maybe some of it is just too mundane.

For instance, this morning I woke up and looked at the weather report again. I've noticed that for about the last week they have been predicting low temperatures anywhere from 50 degrees (F) to 57 degrees at night. And every morning we have been waking up to cooler temperatures. Then I will look to see what the low was and it has been in the low 40's at night! That's actually quite weird and my husband and I don't know what to think of it. It makes us want to hurry up and get that wood stove hooked up. It has been nice not having quite such scorching hot temperatures during the day as we usually do this time of year. But it makes me wonder what someone somewhere knows and isn't bothering to tell the rest of us.

Then there is the damn tractor. We finally managed to order a starter for it, and guess what? I bet you can guess : ) It's the wrong one!!! Life just isn't make this little project easy on us at all. And I don't know why I feel compelled to share this here, but I get images in my mind when I lay down to rest that sometimes are repetitive. Like, something will keep showing itself to me and sometimes the exact reason is obscured. So, lately, I have been seeing a bridge leading presumably into the future. And I keep seeing a man and a woman holding hands as they walk into the mists of the unknown. This is after they pass the gatekeeper who uses all manner of deception and fear tactics to make them turn back, but they are not afraid. I can even see how they look. And as I tuned into their energy I could feel this powerful radiance as I realized that they had been separated and were actually one whole being at one time. Literally they are two parts of one being. And they emanated such incredible energy that it brings tears to my eyes as I think about them.

The other thing I feel worth a mention is the images and impressions I keep getting about our big hairy friends, the Bigfoot. For the most part their presence receded into the background, but just lately I feel the one female that generally shows up in my mind's eye whenever I have my grandkids out. Her energy feels very benevolent. But there is this other one, a big tall male, whose energy feels positively dark, like he is very angry about something. There is more, but it is not as clear, so I will keep that to myself for now. It's funny, because when I feel him, it is usually from a particular direction that I can pinpoint, and often the dogs will also start barking at something in that same direction. I really don't know what it means yet, if anything.

Besides this year providing the biggest learning curve yet with raising goats, I have been forced to move out of my comfort zone and as a result have come into contact with a number of what I will call goat people. They love goats maybe even more than I do. Interesting how it can become such a passion. They seem always willing to share their knowledge and experience and they just smile big when I tell them some of my stories from this year. One I met just moved down from Alaska with I think she said 25 head of goats she brought with her. She will be moving fairly close to where we live on a new piece of property they just bought. She handed me her business card and I discovered that she makes and markets her own goat milk soap. And, her and her friend both knew the other lady I had been taking the kids to be disbudded to. Small world, I guess.

Plus I met a really cool lady at the park where I take my grandson to go swimming the other day. I wouldn't have even met her except I was checking to see where my grandson was heading to. It turns out it he was hanging with this lady's husband and youngest son who were hunting for crawdads. She brought her son over to see the baby goats and it turns out we have a lot in common and talked almost non-stop for two hours about subjects of mutual interest. She's going to go to the drumming circle I go to once in awhile this weekend with me. And she wants to get goats now too!

I have managed to remove a considerable amount of the buildup of poop/hay from last winter and we have someone who is getting the three orphans kids from us next month and is bringing over their (working!) tractor soon to remove the rest of it and clean up the horses area too. He will also be able to level out an area where we want to put the barn we took down and moved from up the road. I'm quite excited to be going into this next winter a lot more prepared than last year. Now I'll be able to have a couple of birthing stalls away from everyone else. And I can put the milk stanchion inside too so I won't have to spend the winter doing snow removal all the time just to trim hooves and what not.

It's interesting to me having bottle fed this year for the first time. The three little orphans did very well, although I did have some diarrhea issues with one of them. I noticed that she also didn't drink from the bottle as well when this was going on. It took me about a week of giving her the herbal wormwood dosage balls in small pieces I basically had to cram down her throat, and then following it up with probiotics for a couple days. She is doing great now, and all the rest are getting quite hefty fast. The one little boy of Cry Baby's actually liked the bottle and still follows me around wanting some. I give him small amounts on occasion, just because it does tend to make them very friendly, which people like when getting the whethered boys for pets. Her other two act like they want nothing to do with me now. Each goat does have a unique and quite individual personality that develops. And everyone loves the little runt we named Romeo. He is still small enough to fit in a large pocket, but he doesn't know it or act like it at all.

And the horse, Freckles, has started putting her hooves up on the gate, just like the goats do when it is feeding time. She didn't used to do that, but I guess after watching the goats for so long she figured it was the thing to do. Maybe they think it will make me move faster. The guy that has been trimming her hooves is an old horse trainer from way back and reminds me of the horse whisperer. He is very good, not just at trimming horses hooves, but just speaking horse language. Very enlightening. And I just about fell down when he started talking about the spirit of things. Some people are more aware than you would ever think.

About the only other thing I can think of worth mentioning is how crafty goats are at getting into things you don't want them to. Like the tiny little garden area I have. There was just a little space in the fencing and that's all it took. I went out there and had just a great time trying to get all the kids out before they came back in and trying to fix the fence at the same time. They are quick. And they can jump pretty good now too. Time to fortify! At least the dog hasn't been getting in there anymore, and hopefully the raspberries will grow back.

[maggie]

You have a wonderful farmstead and you write so beautifully. Thank you for sharing your life. Just wanted you to know so you'll keep sharing the news.

[Moonlight]

I too read every word of to the last drop...(I'm usually having my morning coffee) Your love shines through.

Thank you.

[Spiritwind]

Thank you Maggie and Moonlight! I appreciate the encouragement. It's funny because I actually kind of write for myself, in that it seems to be therapeutic in some way. And when I don't want to write is when I need to the most. It's sort of a form of self discipline too, which is always good to exercise. But I am glad that someone else enjoys reading it too. I also enjoy when others share who they really are, as often we find we have much in common in the ways that matter most. Learning to see without the filters is a lifelong endeavor and much good can come from allowing ourselves to be vulnerable enough to not hide from the real guts of life experience.

Life is not easy here in the physical for many, if not most, with hurts and trauma coming in all shapes and sizes, seemingly tailor made to fit each of our particular areas of experience and learning. We are taught from childhood, most of us anyway, that it isn't safe to share your real self that lies behind the many masks we wear. And even in my sharing, there are parts I withhold for various reasons. But still, self reflection is an art form, in some ways. How we do it can be as unique as the individual. Strangely it has become a way of life for me. It seems I am almost constantly reflecting on the deeper meanings of life. I realized yesterday when I was sharing about my journey with someone, that I don't even think and process information in the same way that I used to. I used to be much more left brained in my approach. If it wasn't practical, then it wasn't necessary. Wow, how far I have come from that. So, while life in the physical isn't really any easier than it ever was, my appreciation for the opportunities it affords grows almost daily. And now I can't even talk about most subjects without wandering off in so many directions it can make your, and my, head spin, LOL.

Anyway, enough of that! Not much has really gone on since I last posted, but there are a few things that come to mind that have to do with raising goats. I get to watch them throughout the day, even when they don't know I am, so I get to see a lot of their social behaviors. They do form alliances, and sometimes change those alliances with one another. Adding another goat to the mix does change the dynamics, and it's interesting to see how they work it out. I try to put them together in different pens with that in mind. For instance, Firefly is 2/3 Lamancha. When she was young she was the low one on the pecking order. She didn't seem to mind letting the other two older does get to eat first and so on. She must have realized she's bigger, and now that she has had four kiddings she has turned into a downright tyrant out there. I watch her push Cry Baby around and it used to be the other way around. And yet, I see them demonstrating affection towards one another.

And then I have little Raven, the buckling I got earlier this year. I didn't have anyone else to put him with, so I put him with two does that are yearlings and I don't mind if he breeds with them. These two, Lily and Danae, were best buds before. They always slept together, and were unhappy when separated. Now I see him pairing up with one or the other, and one gets kind of left out. I have found with goats, no matter how hard you try, there will always be issues with one or more pushing everyone else around. I often wonder what makes one defer to the other, as sometimes age and size doesn't seem to matter. Of course, I often wonder that with humans too. Some people are just more pushy and demanding than others. Unfortunately they often rise to the top for all the wrong reasons.

But, anyway, back to the farm. Another thing that amuses me and I don't think I have mentioned is that goats have bad gas. I mean, when I go out to milk in the morning I get a good dose almost every time. I don't think it would be as bad without them eating grain, but it's pretty noxious. It doesn't bother me anymore, for the most part, but it's funny to mention it to others when they come out to visit. You can see they don't want to say anything, so I often break the ice and bring it up. And, of course, the two bucks I have, for most of the year, pee on their beards and smear it around as much as possible, because they think it will get the girls excited. Good thing people don't do that! And they really stink, although strangely I have gotten used to that too. You can't be a farmer if you can't handle bad smells, LOL.

And I am happy to discover that our 11 year old diabetic cat, Nicky, still has it in her. She has killed two mice, one last night and one the night before, that have managed to find a way into the fifth wheel. That makes me so happy because I do not like the smell that accompanies them, and will never get used to it! We could not live out here without a cat. I take back all the mean things I said about her. She wakes me up in the middle of the night more often than I would like because she thinks I should get up and give her canned cat food, and it has got me a bit riled up on occasion. But she's a good kitty. My husband was sitting on the sofa just yesterday and suddenly said "there's Simba!". He saw him plain as day sitting on the step that leads to the front end of the RV, even though he passed from the physical just last winter. I never really used to be a cat person, but I most definitely have become one over time. They really do add so much to life.


When there's a Ranger, there's no danger.

But I would hate to not mention the dogs, too. Ranger, the male Great Pyrenees who just showed up over two years ago when just a pup is the biggest baby you ever saw. The silly squeaky ball I got him is his favorite thing ever and it is so funny to see him run around with it, hide it, try to get us and even the horse to play with him. He rolls over on his back and wants you to rub his belly all the time. And yet, him and Misha keep all the predators away from our goats and are formidable to watch when they are going after something. Great Pyrenees have even been known to hunt and kill coyotes. It's interesting to think about how our animal friends can become such a big part of our life. I watched a video about this woman who assisted in providing a new environment for some chimpanzees who were no longer needed in the research program they were being kept for. She went back after 18 years to see if they would remember her. I cried like a baby from the beginning to the end of the video. The fact that humans can even think it's ok to use animals in that way makes me pretty much just blown away. But then, there are even humans being used in research programs without much regard for their well being. Heck, we may all be a apart of one big experiment.

A strange note to leave off on, but I guess I better get out there and do something before it gets too hot to work. Have a great day everyone!

[LostNFound]

Thank you so much Spiritwind for sharing you real life experiences with us. I so do enjoy reading your posts about the farm life and your goats. I spend a good part of my day these days writing and editing that story that I post. I have always enjoyed telling stories even when they are fiction but I also have no problems in telling my real life stories or experiences. Yours are so touching the way you write. The goats and humans do seem to be connected in the ways they behave. I have spent so much life moving to the place I am now. My love and I spend our lives in total enjoyment these days and our children and grandchildren we watch as they are struggling along to make ends meet. They see us and say they want to be just like us but we all know that each of us walks a separate path in this life. I see that in the animal world also. It is when we can walk with another with love as the connection that makes so much difference. Enough of that for now from me also.

Farm life, When I was just 23 years young I had 54 chickens and they were so much fun to tend to. I remember going into there fenced in area when they were not free ranging on the property and making the sounds like they do, Guess I was talking with them, and they would stop and move toward me. Those little honeys gave me somewhere around two dozen fresh eggs a day and it was so nice to gather those big brown eggs and take them to the general store and trade them for fresh raw milk and other foods such as whole wheat grain. I believe I ate so much better then than now. So back to the chickens, their was a big mama that rode heard over all the rest even the rosters and she knew when it was feeding time in the morning. She would gather the flock and come to the front door of the cabin I lived in and peck and squawk on that door until I would get up and bring the feed out. I had such a good time feeding them. There was a small pond just in front of the cabin with a little foot bridge over the creek that fed it and those chickens would hang out on that bridge and try to keep the 3 or 4 ducks that lived in the pond from coming ashore to steel their food. What a sight that was. Had two big geese also and those were the best watchdogs anyone could have. Anytime anyone or another animal that did not live on that place even stepped foot on the property those birds would make such a racket that I just knew something was different.

So, one morning I was awoken to the geese squawking and carrying on and heard my chickens in a big uproar, I looked out of loft window of the cabin and saw to white labs chasing the chickens and killing them. These were just pups but I surely was going to shoot them. Something stayed my hand so I just went out and chased them off. They actually belonged to a neighbor. I saw them run home. Well I found 3 of my birds dead and two severally injured so had to put them down also. I took them away from the coop and buried them all the while crying my eyes out. All the other birds were so freaked that they were not talking and in fact were all hiding in the coop.

Three hours later my neighbor came down and asked me what had happened. I told him that his dogs had came down and killed 5 of chickens. He asked me what I had done with them so I told him that I had buried them. He then asked if he could have at least two of them. I was not sure what he was going to do with them but said he could take two of them and showed him where I had buried them.

That night I heard his dogs howling and whining and barking something fierce. The next day I walked up to his house and as I was crossing his yard I noticed the two dogs tied to a couple of trees. They were tied so close and had no lead rope. The next thing I noticed was each one had one of those dead chickens tied real tight around their throat, so close that they could not get to it with their mouth and in a way that they could not use their paws to try and get it loose. My neighbor came out and told me how he had read that this is one way to cure a dog of chasing chickens. I left and went back home and my chickens did not lay for a week after that. Really missed my milk, must say. So those dogs remained tied up for a good week with those dead birds around their necks. The noise of the poor things kept me awake. I never saw those dogs again on my place and my chickens went back to laying and I watched mama console the flock or so it seemed to me.

That little trick with the dead birds does work and so much so that those dogs would run away if a chicken came to close. Just one of my experiences with animals on a farm. Thank you again for your beautiful writing.

Steven

[Spiritwind]

Wow LostNFound! You are more than welcome (and anyone else for that matter) to share your experiences here too! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post. I can't help but share with you that our dogs came home with a dead chicken two years ago, and I don't know exactly what happened, and they are in a fenced area during the day now and generally stick pretty close to home at night anyway. But my friend, and now neighbor, had been talking for some time about how if you soak it in habanero sauce it will teach them not to do that again. He is sometimes quite psychic, in that he will start talking about something and then it will happen. Anyway, he had been hypothetically talking about what he would do if that ever happened, and then it did. So he got to try out his idea. He soaked it for I think three days and set it back out. They gobbled that thing down like there was no tomorrow. Just thinking about it makes me laugh. He was so sure it would work and in fact it seems as though they quite like hot and spicy. Funny they instinctively know to protect the goats, and did learn to be nice to the cat. She swats them in the face like she's not afraid of them at all anyway, and they do back right off.

I'm so glad you get to spend your days with your partner in total enjoyment. I don't know if we're quite there yet, but we're getting there. And I'm hoping to get chickens again next year, so that will be another adventure. I think animal antics are very entertaining, and you can often learn a lot from them too.

I guess the reason I enjoy this style of writing is because I am much more interested in who people are these days, as individuals, than anything going on in the world. And what I have read of your story of fiction has been so uplifting as well. There is just something about telling stories of our experiences, whether in this reality, or in our imaginations, which I feel is where reality actually comes from anyway, our collective imaginings. My husband is quite a story teller too, and I have always enjoyed hearing the many stories of his very adventurous life before we met. And we have had many adventures together too. As I have said before, we are each of us living our own story, and each has merit and value, regardless of circumstances. I only hope more will catch on to this idea. It brings people together in a good way.

Anyway, thank you for sharing.

[Blue Rising]

Funny, as Miss Jinjer was having trouble giving birth to a new life, I am feeling the pain of giving birth to something new as well. Huh. Go figure. lol

Thank you for sitting down to share again. It really is a gift you give, just walking through your day, recounting the events.

Much Love to you & Carl and the goaties & Miss Jinjer and the baby....oh, hell, I guess I will have to send a Much Love Energy Bomb towards you, and it will just hit the whole state....lol!

[Spiritwind]

I have started to write a couple times and keep getting pulled away. We'll see if I can stay with this long enough to complete a short update. After so much time of not much happening life kind of went in to overdrive. The biggest accomplishment has been getting all the poop piles removed without having to do it all by hand. I had a pending sale of the three little kids of Mama's Girl that finally is taking place. We took them over to their new home a week ago after negotiating a bit of a trade in the mix. Some cash and the use of their bobcat/front loader for a couple of days. I am ecstatic that we got so much done in a short time. Besides cleaning what was left of the two piles from last winter, we also totally cleaned up the horses area, smoothed out the driveway, the area where the generators are, and the spot where we are putting the bigger barn up.

The only bad part about it is that disturbing the top layer of dirt has created a very dusty situation. Like, big clouds swirl around as you try to walk through it without getting caked in dirt. The good news there is that the the lady who bought the goats works with my husband every day, and her husband's dad just happens to work at a sand and gravel supply business. So we can probably go in on a load with them and get a good discount. Which means we may not sink a foot into thick mud during the thaw this next winter and periodically get stuck. And my husband can start building the little shelter over the generators so he's not constantly doing snow removal on them this winter. All good things.

And the little orphans have went to a great home where they will get lots of attention and good care. They are also raising chickens so I will probably get some from them next spring. They moved from the city to a rural environment for the first time and their kids are loving it. And it looks like they've caught a case of farm fever, LOL. They've got a turkey they named Turk, ducks, chickens, now goats. And three puppies to grow up and be their alarm system, which are just about as cute as baby goats. And the baby ducks were so dang cute and soft I almost wanted some of them, but not quite. Funny, the dogs they do have, a little poodle something or other and a bigger Australian shepherd mix, are both afraid of the dark and won't even go outside at night. And they have had either a wolf or a coyote circling around, but they have been keeping a pretty watchful eye at night until the puppies get big enough to actually do something. Makes me so thankful for our big dogs here. I have lots more to write but think I will stop for now and have some coffee and eat some of my freshly cooked brownies. They are not totally from scratch, but close to it. I tried something different trying to make something that I can eat without cringing so bad after reading the ingredients. My mouth is already watering. Yes, I have a serious weakness for chocolate.

Oh yeah, it's still smokey as hell out there, and it's been almost a week now of burning eyes, stuffed up sinuses, third year in a row... fires to the north, east and west. Pretty soon there's going to be nothing left to burn.

One more oh yeah, I like your idea of sending out love bombs. Since every time they start a war on something they seem to get more of it, maybe we should start a war on love. I'm doubtful there's as much money in it though. But I have no problem imagining love bombs landing all over the place : )