I guess it’s time to get back in the saddle and write some more. As usual, my mind is pulled all over the place, and writing strangely helps me focus. So, what’s going on with farm life. Well, the little mini Lamancha doe that has been visiting Raven just went home this last weekend. We’re pretty sure she’s knocked up, but you never know for sure. She looked very sad to be leaving, and Raven didn’t look happy either. In fact, within less than an hour after they left he managed to fly out (it’s almost that!). We just left him out overnight, because I knew we couldn’t keep him in there without fixing his escape route. We had put a barrier behind the shelter so he couldn’t get up there and then jump over the fence, but he had managed to knock part of it off and we hadn’t repaired it. We fixed that the next day and thankfully no more escapes. The day after that we went and got Crispy, one of the other two bucks we have, and brought him home so Raven won’t be alone. And while out Raven did get in the one pen I still have a couple of does I wasn’t planning to breed this year in. I hope he didn’t knock anymore up. I’m trying to reduce numbers, not add!
Speaking of which, the woman that took Jinjer and Miracle is having second thoughts about keeping Jinjer. I guess she’s not warming up to her and acts like she hates it there. It can take a while to win a goat over, and I’ve learned there’s a lot more going on upstairs in that little head of theirs than you might think. We know she was really upset that her one kid, the buckling, was left behind. The lady has agreed to give it a little more time, and I basically said that I would take her back. I told her I can’t give her half the money she gave me for both girls (and one kid each) back, but I could give her something. It’s bad enough I took goats I really couldn’t afford to feed back for free last fall, but it’s another thing entirely to buy my own goats back at full price! I gave her a really good deal to begin with. We’ll see what happens.
Then I got the guys that wanted Bambi and her kid, Lucky, due to come back weekend after next. It’s hard for me to let go, so I’m kinda hoping the time goes by fast. If I was younger and wanted to expand my operation here I would keep her as she’s cute as a button, very feisty yet little, friendly, and likely wouldn’t have a kidding problem next time around. But, I need to stick to the plan. As it is I’m thinking about selling Crispy so he can continue making babies for someone else, and getting a mini Lamancha buckling. As far as milk production and ease of milking, the mini Lamancha wins over Nigerian Dwarf’s, hands down. They are considerably smaller than their full blood counterparts, but still produce very creamy good tasting milk, which is great for cheese making. I still want to learn how to make different kinds of cheese and quit buying it completely. I know processed cheese is as bad or worse than store bought pasteurized cows milk is to consume, but I love cheese and don’t want to give it up. And I did price some goats milk cheese at a natural foods market a while back. It was enough to make my eyeballs bug out, like, ouch!
It’s the next day now and I am curled up in a blanket determined to write some more. I don’t want to keep the fire going because I’m just tired of feeding it constantly and don’t want to go chop more wood. I also don’t want to have the propane heater running constantly and want to keep the generator off for awhile to save money on gas. So it’s hunker down time. The truth is I’m kinda bored out of my mind. I know I sound ungrateful, but that’s not quite true. I’m just feeling some resistance welling up in my self over a lot of things, and I am giving myself time to process it. Life IS good out here, but the way our world, our society, or so called culture, is designed just plain irritates me sometimes. And the truth is the truth. It’s better to look inside dead on, rather than continue to deflect those emotions, thoughts, and feelings, and that especially goes for those that cause discomfort.
You see, for me, sometimes it is still a struggle to find that balance, that place of equilibrium, between what I would like to see “out there”, and what I “do” see out there. I know we are each adding to the overall collective unfolding, but being somewhat empathically inclined, I also “feel” the arrogance and demeaning perspective our would be controllers have for the bulk of humanity. Quite frankly, it sickens me. And, because I do care about all life here, it’s hard to turn off the screams my inside wants to make about all the suffering, harm, and injustice being done sometimes.
It’s not even so much what I see out there, in the world outside my little boring haven, my little paradise I am blessed to occupy. But then, I see potential, I see how all the piles of poop and waste hay I have can actually change the entire nature of my surroundings over time. Nothing will be wasted here. And all of it will be done as a labor of love.
But the world out there is another story. The one good thing I see is there are many many circles of beauty, love, and respect for nature being formed, and beginning to overlap one another. An appreciation for the simple life (yet, not really simple at all!). What really is getting to me, though, is the lack of honor, the lack of compassion, the lack of truth the outer reality displays in such stark abundance. Yes, there are many who are doing the opposite, but for those whose self righteousness overshadows even a glimmer of the bigger picture, and who happen to be most abundantly in charge of steering earth ship humanity, it starts to look like an unclimbable mountain.
But I know that, too, is a lie. The trick for me always is to acknowledge the emotions that well up in me from time to time, yet not run with them. Instead, the trick is to alchemize them into fuel for even greater resolve, self responsibility, and action. No time to cry over how things should be, could be. And no time to complain how unfair it all is. In order to make a difference two things have become evident to me. One, is to not ask what’s in it for me, but be willing to go full bore and give 150%, knowing this is what it will take. And I know many who do just that. We’ve planted our feet in the ground, drawn the line is the sand, however you want to say it. Because so many are terrified to buck the system, stand out or apart, say no because your conscience tells you to even if it means going against the flow (like salmon going upstream to spawn), we must lead by example. That is number two. You can’t change people by beating them with a stick (building a big wall, taking away guns from honest people while the criminals still have theirs, force everyone, even against their will to inject what they view as poison into their bodies in the name of protecting them, and so on).
Some how our would be controllers have seriously overstepped their bounds, and have actually been doing so for some long time. It’s just that lately it’s been coming home to roost, it’s happening to us, and not someone else. It’s happening here, not somewhere else. We’ve actually all been on the reservation for some time. And I guess part of the reason I struggle with this is I’ve seen it coming, slowly, drip by drip, for a very long time. And I struggle sometimes with the enormity of it all, and how well the masses have been hypnotized into compliance. And I wonder, why am I different? Why do I notice what the majority chooses not to see? It really would be simpler in many ways if I could just go back to sleep. Unfortunately, I have been awake to some things not commonly seen my entire life. I know no other way. It’s how I’m wired.
I had someone recently say something about me and another friend of mine, how we appear so confident in “our knowing”, and I have to say that it is because of a small group of like minded people that I have been sharing insights, and empathic readings of the field, and comparing notes with for some long time now, that I have gained a sense of confidence that just a few short years ago I did not have. That’s the other thing. We can build on that inner confidence by reaching out, by making those connections, by making the effort to overcome that programmed tendency to not be real, to find all kinds of reasons not to take action that helps bring people together, to stay connected. (And it is hard for me sometimes because of where I live!)
I can remember many years ago my grandparents and others would ask how you’re doing, and say things like “let us know if you need anything”. It was all just fake. They didn’t really want to know how we were doing, and they would not be there for you if you needed help of any kind. This is often how it is. We get programmed not to reach out, not to say how we are really doing, etc. because most people really don’t want to know. I have truly been blessed to get to know a few truly authentic people, and we have each made the effort to stay connected, even when sometimes it would be easier not to. And I plan to do more reaching out, making the effort to connect with like minded people.
And it’s more important than ever now, especially since they began to realize what was happening with social media and all, and now are clamping down and making many of these platforms revert to crap. I see we will have to evolve beyond this. So, at the end of the story is me, realizing more than ever, I don’t have time to sit on the fence, feel sorry for myself (or even bored, LOL). I must continue to take the discomfort, sometimes the outright rage I feel, and transmute it, transform it, make it work for me rather than against. One good thing to remember, is we are not powerless. No matter how much it may look that way sometimes, each one of us is a powerhouse. It just takes finding the key to unlock it within yourself. We CAN move mountains!
Here’s a fun farm link:https://www.yesmagazine.org/comic-why-y ... m-20170726