Long time no see. I still come around sometimes and watch you. haha
I have been busy getting familiar with a new work I am doing. I have become a companion for many people suffering from Alzheimer's disease. I play a lot and am enjoying myself immensely, even though it is not a fun thing to deal with. The way I see it is that I bring a little light for a couple of hours and a needed respite to the family.
These people, although forgetting many things, have a whole lot to offer still. Which brings me to a certain 88 year old lady from whom I am learning so much. She is very sad most of the time and I sit there and listen to her tell me how she is waiting for death. Being an empath, I get exactly what she is saying. In her position, I would be even worst. Other days, she is happy and we get to have very fun conversations, if you don't mind hearing the same story over and over again. LOL
In one of her very dark days, she looked me straight in the eye and told me: you have a very, very deep sadness in you. You come here and you are happy, but inside you, I feel a very deep sadness. I felt I was in front of an oracle... Yes, I answered. I have a deep sadness inside but yet, I am also very happy. What a contradiction.
This left me with a questioning that I have had many times... am I really happy or am I using a camouflage ? I have read this questioning also on the forums - all these happy people, don't they see what's going on in the world ?
My answer is that I am really happy and also very sad.... mostly because I feel all the hurt in this world, and I see it too... everyday. When I am sad, I usually get angry... and it is not a nice sight ! I also know that I am not in my fullest power when I crumble down. It is a sign for me to go within.
That's when I came across this quote from Osho:
Off Topic
Sadness gives depth. Happiness gives height.
Sadness gives roots. Happiness gives branches.
Happiness is like a tree going into the sky, and sadness is like the roots going down into the womb of the earth.
Both are needed, and the higher a tree goes, the deeper it goes, simultaneously. The bigger the tree, the bigger will be its roots.
In fact, it is always in proportion. That's its balance.
Sadness gives roots. Happiness gives branches.
Happiness is like a tree going into the sky, and sadness is like the roots going down into the womb of the earth.
Both are needed, and the higher a tree goes, the deeper it goes, simultaneously. The bigger the tree, the bigger will be its roots.
In fact, it is always in proportion. That's its balance.