I said it before and I'm saying it again. It's the light I don't trust. The "damned", the "accursed" have been my comfort, my shoulders. The "upstanding" the "religious" have been attacking me non stop for days. How dare I protect myself? from identity theft! Apparently I'm spiteful, black hearted and and evil bitch. Per my handler "I tried saving you but they got you so devilled there's no hope for you. You're lost."
All of my life it has been drilled into me that I am less than. If standing up for my rights causes consequences for the criminal, that's justice not spite. I am only one of HUNDREDS of victims, she's hijacked mortgages, made trusts. Greed is her downfall not me.i don't care about their threats
I'm so hurt. I tried helping them, looking out for them. Between them two, she has scammed over $200,000. IDK...I don't think I'll be here much longer. Abba been comforting me, along with Lilith, Biggun, and Furrball...and a lovely soul I am thanking deeply right now for holding space. I'm not used to tribe love, So much gratitude.
The wounds go deep...seems fathomless. Damn, I remember this place all too well.
Biggun scooped up the wounded child and has been in protective, comfort mode. So sweet. His heart is Good! Anybody that comes for Soloman Rex is going to have to go through me first! He's so special. So much to do, and he's hovered and fussed all weekend. I do feel blessed to have my little big crew..,and You!
Lilith is not so warm and fuzzy. Boot straps and big girl panties sister! Research! Get your proof together.
I was researching and took a break, my mind was on family, what they are...what I wish we could be. I wondered about my birth mother...and typed her name in the search bar...I know her name. That's all...I've been looking on and off for 30 years...and today of all days...there she is. I don't know what I'll do. I mean there's that whole giving me to Satan thing. She would probably freak clear out. Lilith said if she were rude, I could sneak alka-seltzer in my mouth. That lady has a wicked sense of humor, and the visual made me crack up.
I was on a roller coaster. So much to process, wounds that began before I was born, that she allowed. Sgt. Lilith got a bit impatient. Suggested big girl panties.
Apparently I am ridiculous. I love her so much. Lilith is the reason I could forgive my birth mother. Lilith has been my mother, sister, friend. She's been an absolute blessing. Our unconventional co-habitation taught me what it feels like to be beyond the illusion of seperation. I'm me and she's she, yet completely symbiotic.
You know....Biggun, Furrball, Lilith...people condemn them, say their dangerous, evil...I've been treated badly enough that I can attest to the evil in humanity, and their relentless judgment and attacks can make anyone dangerous.
I asked them all when was the last time they knew simple human kindness before us meeting, none could recall. It's amazing how transformative kindness can be. Lilith chose to be mother to the abominations. that's love, to take someone else's shame and value what was cast away, cursed and rebuked. I see evil in this, but it's not Lilith.
Abba told me to take the word enemy out of my vocabulary and replace it with Adversary. I get it.
No sooner had I dozed than I was in a meadow of wildflowers. Of course, it's Furrball...and..."hello lovely sister!" We giggle like little girls. For as big as the Shaman's hands are, he's adept at the intricate weaving of our wildflower crowns. Oh yea, he will rock one! We've gotten much closer since Soloman Rex, I think it is because he's got to observe my interactions and trusts me more now. He wants a name. He thinks Soloman was good but Soloman Rex, got him thinking. I told him Rex meant king, and he is an elder, they do not have kings or queens. Nevertheless, Something that will sound good with Rex, they are kindred after all and can share. We need them unified at that level. Just write any suggestions and he'll choose. I didn't have to ask, I can still call him Furrball....sometimes. Bigfoot Never. He doesn't like that at all.