I keep reaching, as if for the light switch in a dark room. Why? Because I can't help this feeling, this deep uneasy feeling in the pit of my being, a quickening of sorts, that says something is building in intensity, as if something is getting ready to pounce on its prey, unawares, in the dark.
But I have been seeing glimmers of light peaking through the bottom of the door for some time now. Not enough to see clearly, but enough to know I am not alone in this room in the dark. Not only is the big bad bogey man in here, but so is a small child crouching in the corner, cowering in fear, as well as a warrior in another corner, crouching and ready to fight the enemy that lurks there in the dark. This one feels no fear, only anticipation.
How to connect these different beings, to comfort and reassure the child that it is not going to be left alone to be devoured by what lurks in the darkness. And the warrior is not alone to face what lurks there, not to mention the bogey man isn't what it seems either. There are many kindred spirits, waiting for what is to come. And come it will, even though we can't clearly see the shape of it yet. Many know this from deep within their very bones. The call has been heard and help is on the way.
But that help will not come from established quarters. It will not be coming from anywhere outside the dark room. All that is needed is already present, even though it too cannot be seen clearly. Once the light grows in intensity, so will the feeling of darkness all around. But this is an illusory state of affairs. For the sun is surely coming, no matter what may try to stop what is surely inevitable. The light always comes, eventually. All in good time.
For what is time, really, but just another construct of measuring, and not the only one at that. As we all know, our sense of time can be distorted, where sometimes a minute can seem like an eternity, especially when at the edge of the event horizon. It can even feel stretched out, and experienced as if it is going both fast and slow at the same time. But all things come to pass, as it has been written and spoken of long ago, this time we are in.
What rolls around in my head and wants to be spoken of is the concept of possibilities. I can't shake this feeling that within the realms of creation that all can and will eventually be experienced by that which creates, and every possibility can and will be explored. If one forever existed in a state of rest, nothing would ever happen, there would be no growth, and one would eventually lose its ability to remain in form. There must be movement, action, even friction, and hence growth. Life itself in manifest form is in a constant state of flux.
There is no end to large and no end to small in a holographic understanding. There is simply a focus that can be applied to one aspect of this continuous and dynamic state of creation sustaining itself. It never stops, even though we, as embodied human beings take out slices all the time, to play with them like a Rubik's cube, creating whole realities ourselves without ever even knowing we're doing it.
And just like the Rubik's cube, we often lack the skill to know how to get back to where we started, when all was in alignment. And with every movement of pieces, we seem to get further from home. But in fact we never left, we simply re-arranged things to look like we did. Somehow, I know it to be a state a being, rather than a destination or location. All that we need is already present. We simply need to change our focus for the pieces to begin to fall into place. If what we have been doing isn't working we must be willing to change our approach. Doing the same thing over and over again has clearly demonstrated its not taking us where we want to go. And we all know that is a true indication of insanity in the making. In fact, the more we cling to those same moves that only serve to frustrate and take us farther from our goal, the more we become entangled in our own webs of self deception.
It makes me think of an episode with George Costanza from the old sitcom Seinfeld. He figured out that doing things the way he was wasn't working for him and decided to do the opposite. Every time he went to behave the way he always did, he would stop and think, what is the opposite and do that instead. And low and behold things started going his way. Maybe we've been going the wrong way all along. Maybe we can just turn around and see what happens if we go the other way. Sometimes, you just have to try something different.
Even though the darkness is calling me from the other side of the room I will not fear what lurks there, for I have found the door. I haven't found the key to fully open that door, but I can indeed see the light growing stronger by the day. I will gather my many selves together, and hold them tight, for when the moment is right I will cross the threshold as one being. Ready to stand in the glaring light of truth that has been hidden for so long, no matter what the revealing. Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose, but everything to gain. And the truth will set you free. And guess what? It's an inside job!