I have been gifted a space, over here tucked away, in which I am exploring things. Since that is the case, I will use it to express something timely.
I was issued an if/then statement recently. And this bothered me. I wondered why, and have been looking into that. I think I understand why. The statement issued to me was not about love, but this particular statement illustrates my problem with if/then statements: "If you love me, then you will..." Another example, using the negative (not): "if you love me, then you will not..."
This statement shows quite a measure of insecurity, emotional immaturity, and a need to control on the part of the issuer of the command. A manipulation. In many cases, it is also used to (try to) incite guilt or shame. I do not like it when someone tries to manipulate me. However, I am reminded that when someone else attempts to control or coax a certain response from me...it is none of my business.
What is my business is how I react to that. There are two choices that I see, in the case of the negative, above.
1) Ignore the command. That may be seen by the issuer of said command as submitting. Taking no action on my part is seen as a success on the part of other.
2) Do the opposite of what is commanded. This may be seen as confrontation or an invitation for opposition. For example, if I do what I normally would, and that action is in direct opposition to the command issued, it can be seen as a strategic move in some kind of game.
This is a time to let go. I will not base any action or inaction on a threat or on a ploy to manipulate. What others say about me says a whole lot more about them than it does me. Those who try to manipulate probably come from a place of fear. I do have compassion for others, and I feel for the pain some people experience. But you know what? Painful experiences, at some point, become all about us. At some point, they are no longer about those who caused the pain. (I am specifically speaking to one particular personal situation here, and I am not speaking about any situation I have discussed on a forum, nor am I speaking to anything that I have seen discussed on a forum.) I hope the wisdom of these words is heard, I am not saying this to be hurtful actually. This is just personal rambling about growth, about getting out of the mindset of the victim and into the mindset of growth. Growth is often painful.
Those who try to manipulate, those who would like to reach out and poke because they think they can, show that there is something about themselves that is in need of attention. I guess they can reach out and poke if it makes them feel better. It's up to me whether that does anything though.
This time? No.This effort is hereby
Do not fashion me a maiden who needs saving from the dragons. I am the Dragon. And I will eat you whole.