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On the Journey...

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Blue Rising
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On the Journey...

Postby Blue Rising » Sun Jan 24, 2016 7:27 pm

I am reluctant, but I am relenting. I have received what I will call encouragement to open up a space to share my musings. It is beyond me how I have touched so many with my words in recent years. I am honored and humbled by those who have reached out to me to express that something I have shared has been inspiring, or encouraging, or otherwise has touched them. I have no idea how this is going to go, haha. I will probably share sporadically, as usual. And Lord only knows what will end up in this space. It is quite unnerving for me to open up a space, so I will begin here. Not quite publicly, but at the same time it is quite public for me. Things occur to me sometimes, they burn inside until I let them spill out. That's how this works for me. For example, this happened yesterday, and felt compelled to let it out. I will bring it here.

As I opened the window shades this morning, I realized what a symbolic movement that is. Each day I make a decision whether to do this, usually I open them. And as I stand there, three levels to peel back, I realize what a magical and symbolic gesture this is. That is actually three decisions, three gestures, or a potent decision in three movements. Each one takes time and patience, because of the way everything is rigged to work around here. First pushing aside the curtains, very gently or they will fall. Then the first shade which provides enough darkness, and when open provides light, en"light"ening the space. Then the third, which is a shield from the external, insulating the room from the extreme temperature. But as I rolled the third shade, I realized that this last movement is the removal of a final barrier.

As I roll the third shade and pin it in place, I feel warmth. I finally see the sun in all its beautiful consciousness. I feel it, its warmth radiating in through me. I place my hands on the window, which by looking at the thermometer I see should be cold, and it is warm instead. I hold my hands to the thin glass. My palms are outward, a sign of openness to receive. And I do, indeed, receive.

I open my eyes and I see that the sun is shining, but I do not see the warmth. I watch the stillness on the other side of the window, symbolic of the veil that gives the illusion of separateness, yet with my hands pressed against it in a hungry need for connection I absorb the energy of the sun. I am a rose.

I am aware that inside I am empty. Empty in the sense that while I contain flesh, and there is blood flowing through me, at the same time there is nothing inside. The body is a shell, and the shell disappears, and through it all flows a limitless vast potential waiting to be manifest.

Here I sit. Grateful for the growth I have experienced...so much growth, and at the same time I understand that I understand nothing.

Inhaling the Sun, as it exists through me and into the Earth. And exhaling the Earth, which is also exhaling the Sun.....

Grateful, I Am.

Tentatively, but with Much Love,
Do not fashion me a maiden who needs saving from the dragons. I am the Dragon. And I will eat you whole.

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Christine
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Re: On the Journey...

Postby Christine » Sun Jan 24, 2016 7:42 pm

Thank you beautiful 1 ... she smiles and exhales the sun.

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I ended my day yesterday sitting in a hot tub at Sagrada (my old homestead) gazing at the sun through an ancient stone carved lattice. Transfixed and transformed.
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Re: On the Journey...

Postby Blue Rising » Mon Jan 25, 2016 1:26 am

Thank you for sharing that, Christine. It will be one long, boring monologue over here, tucked away, if I spill my guts just for myself. Haha.

I was thinking today about that experience at the window. And I was also thinking about how difficult it is to communicate some experiences. I hate new agey bullshit, and when I see that I have gotten into some zone ... and the only way I can relay the experience ends up being flowery weird non-descriptive language, I cringe at myself.

I mean, how in the world do you tell anyone about an experience that is so far outside physical reality? I guess I have agreed to try to find my Voice, so that is what I am doing. But it is uncomfortable, and I hope it gets easier. It could be the case that I'm not supposed to share these, I guess. Maybe that is why it is so hard to describe. I guess we'll see. I should know that at some point, if it is the case.

It is wild, to see with my physical eyes that I am standing at a window. See with my physical eyes that the sun is shining. And then have everything around me seem to disappear. And I see, where my body is supposed to be, and where it was only a split second ago, a black vastness full of stars. Like I became a galaxy. See this with my own eyes.

Just wild, I say.
Do not fashion me a maiden who needs saving from the dragons. I am the Dragon. And I will eat you whole.

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Re: On the Journey...

Postby Blue Rising » Tue Jan 26, 2016 3:48 am

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Last edited by Blue Rising on Tue Jan 26, 2016 4:44 am, edited 1 time in total.
Do not fashion me a maiden who needs saving from the dragons. I am the Dragon. And I will eat you whole.

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Re: On the Journey...

Postby Blue Rising » Tue Jan 26, 2016 3:52 am

Getting a grip, here.
Do not fashion me a maiden who needs saving from the dragons. I am the Dragon. And I will eat you whole.

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Re: On the Journey...

Postby Blue Rising » Wed Jan 27, 2016 3:04 pm

And so I take another step.

I commented to someone the other day that I am trying to go with the flow. But it feels rather like I am riding rapids without a raft or life jacket. Truth.

Part of these rapids is learning how to maneuver forum life. Balance is sought between physical and cyber worlds, between "cities" within the cyber world. I am doing the best I can. I do not know where I belong, I am learning as I go, how much to share, what not to say, and I appreciate that I am given the space, the freedom, to figure out my own way. I imagine the only reason I am given this space is because I don't break the rules anywhere. I may be allowed to do this by default, since I haven't actually broken any rules. My opening post here said that I stand alone. And this is pretty difficult, pretty taxing. When I look back at some point, I will know what this has taught me. While learning, it is rough going.

I write this morning because it has come to my attention that my avatar is misunderstood. Or it can be. I have used a rose in my avatar on and off for years. It is truly a beautiful flower, and I have always loved roses. One time I had a row of rose bushes that lined my backyard fence. I used to spend hours just touching them. And taking in the sweet scent.

I thought I had explained this particular go round with the rose avatar in my post, above. The experience with the window and the sun. "I am a rose," I said, I thought, I experienced, I was reminded.

This reference goes back to a very powerful dream experience I had, it must be two years ago by now. Everything was traumatically stripped from me, my children, my belongings, my memory, my identity, and I was trying desperately to call my husband on the phone to have him take care of my children. And in the end of the dream, I was repeating this phrase: "I am a Rose, and You are the Sun." It was as if this was a lifeline, and if I forgot it I would....I don't know what. There was just no other choice than to hang on to this. I repeated this so powerfully in my being, that I woke up in a panic and in a sweat, still reciting this. And it has never left me.

Now. The purple. This goes back to another dream experience I had. In real life, I have a very old purple sweater. It is my security blanket sometimes. I can wrap it around myself a couple of times, haha, and I have had it since before I even joined forums...so...6 or 7 years now. There was a snippet of another powerful experience, where this sweater was wrapped around my throat, neck, and upper body so tightly that I felt I was choking. I was fighting pretty hard to free myself, but could not. I talked through this experience with a friend at the time, who helped me get rid of the panic. Upon realizing that purple is Higher Self energy, I agreed with the assessment that until I submit to my Higher Guidance system, I will be in a struggle like this.

The white in the rose is inner, if you will notice. White to me has become a very spiritual color. My favorite candle to work with is white. I do use others, but I love the white. Things that are spiritual appear to me as white and kind of glimmery, most often. And white is a color theme that shows up in the most spiritual memories. I won't say more, but I could. Anyway, the white is the inner, tender, heart-part of the rose. And it looks, to me, almost as if the Outer is opening to show the Inner. A birth, of sorts. A birth of the Spiritual, very sacred, part of Me. And opening up. A bringing forth, or uncovering.

This is all quite personal, but look. While I am not responsible for how anyone else interprets any of my actions, I do feel a responsibility to clarify should I be repeatedly misunderstood.

Setting this down now, and taking another step. 1 at a time, I go.

Much Love left in my wake, I hope.
Last edited by Blue Rising on Wed Jan 27, 2016 3:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Do not fashion me a maiden who needs saving from the dragons. I am the Dragon. And I will eat you whole.

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Christine
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Re: On the Journey...

Postby Christine » Wed Jan 27, 2016 3:30 pm

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The Essence of the Rose... love distilled into one pure drop.

Love your beauty Lady.
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Re: On the Journey...

Postby Moonlight » Thu Jan 28, 2016 5:58 pm

I stumbled on this image after reading your post yesterday, Rose shaped galaxy.

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Sometimes, you have to stop and smell the roses.
If you feel that you can’t smile, stand before a mirror and with your fingers pull your mouth into a smile. It is that important! Yogananda

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Christine
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Re: On the Journey...

Postby Christine » Thu Jan 28, 2016 6:03 pm

*fixed the image.

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Re: On the Journey...

Postby Blue Rising » Thu Jan 28, 2016 8:15 pm

Oh, look! Activity in this little carved out nook....so good to see you, Moonlight. I google translated tabarnouche. And I had to laugh. Google translate didn't recognize it so I looked all over the place for what it means. I finally found a site that said it was "soft profanity"....but I thought it said "soft porn" and my eyes about bugged out of my head. I laughed at myself so hard, then I gave up and I never did figure out which word you meant. Last time we tried this google translate business, I do believe we had several good laughs as well. On y va encore une fois?

That's a pretty amazing image. Rose has been popping up all over the place since I opened up about it. Even in Christine's thread this morning. And to see a galaxy in the shape of a rose...perfect for that experience. And of course, quite metaphoric as well. After all, the rose is symbolic of the Feminine, and the Feminine is Vessel for Spirit....I will sit with this rather than elaborating so much. You probably get the idea. Haha.

I do love it when I begin to see the Universe communicating with me :)

Much Love,
Do not fashion me a maiden who needs saving from the dragons. I am the Dragon. And I will eat you whole.


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