Hello Earth Empath friends, it has been too long since I've visited this sacred place. My writing below is a completion of sorts as it took me until yesterday to find the words that could express the depth of this passage. Writing it was like putting a punctuation mark on a whole life, allowing myself some inner resolution. Re-soul-U-tion.
I have so much to share as simultaneously we've been busy on the little plot of land my mother helped us purchase just before her passing. We are homesteading, doing all the work ourselves and finding great joy and satisfaction in this. As Laurie has so generously shared her journey on the Farm Life thread I hope to find a quiet inlet from time to time to share what we are learning as we go.
For now sending much love out into the field.
She’s been swimming in a turbulent sea of emotions and memories these past weeks, not knowing where she will come ashore. In moments while riding the crest of a wave she sees far ahead, then slides down into the deeper waters of self, shifting through the sands of time finding the will to be free.
Memories surface and then subside, each one a hook to the past; to that which we hold on to and that which holds on to us. This should have been expected but it was not; to find how deeply rooted memories are and most poignantly with my mother whose DNA I share. Over a month spent emptying out cupboards and closets, going through hundreds of files and photo albums came with a surprising amount of weight… My lineage is wrapped up in these mementos of her long life and with each one comes a subtle pull to be the continuation of my mother’s life.
An immersion in her memories also opened the pathway for my own past to come flooding back through the hundreds of photos of my earlier life. She was an ardent snapshot taker, one of her proclivities that irritated me early on and one I finally accepted. There truly is something to be comprehended as to why native people don’t like their photos taken, they do hold little pieces of your soul captured for all time, frozen screens of memory.
She takes a deep sigh of relief to be writing these words for it is her way to let go further, to open a clear space that expands to unknown possibilities and once again to find true comfort in the flow of the Universal now.
Losing a parent is an experience that defies words to describe the passage, there is the surface grief, the missing of moments spent together in deep conversation, sharing with our hearts and minds as we melded our differing points of view. I miss her and often think during the day how much I would like to share an event or a revelation with her. She always beamed pure joy when I was happy, this was her gift to her daughter in these last years of her life for I had finally allowed myself to be her child again. During her last hours on earth I found myself whispering in her ear while kissing her forehead; “I love you mama.”
It wasn’t always that easy to say for any amount of honesty knows that parental-child relationships are not easy, they are often the grinding stone of who we choose to become. My early years growing up in a household of emotional upheaval prompted me to take on the role of adult very early. There is no need to speak in detail for it is a common ground many have walked. What I can say with an equal honesty is that I was blessed in ways seldom experienced. Blessed by a woman, my mother who in the final years of her life became the unconditional love she had sought her whole life. Blessed by her abundant giving nature, by her truthful rejoicing in other’s happiness, by her giving me a home when I needed one and showing me the light of her being unfettered by any demands. Blessed to be her daughter.
Being a child to a woman who fought hard to find herself was not an easy way to grow up and while I hesitate to bring a light to her challenges and those our small family endured yet it feels remiss to not do so. People are entrained to only recall the good, and most people only knew my mother as the wise woman she became. Like all of us she had her inner dilemmas, her proclivities and her challenges for this is what makes a life full, the all of it not just the blessings and good deeds. For who among us has not had to overcome themselves along this short journey called life.
What matter most though is that she left a Legacy of Love, for when all is stripped away there shines a light of pure joy and this is the most enduring memory of my mother, Nana, as she was loving called in our family. From an early age I had always known I would be at her side when she made her final transition and as I grew into my own wisdom it became a deep calling of my spirit to accompany her as she took her last breaths. Her spirit sailed high without hesitation and she was met by a circle of radiant beings who gave her passage. Chills and tears still run through my body as I relive this moment, having heard her whisper to me with gentle tears of joy rising in her eyes; “I am free.” was the perfecting completion of our life together.
My mother made her transition from the earthly realm on April 1, 2018, Easter Sunday and a full moon. As I sit her finding a few moments to re-capture the astounding gifts of Spirit, her spirit and that of the Great Spirit that filled the space around her as she shed her identity, as she let go of all that concerned her was one of the most profound experiences of my life.
The beautiful determinate spirit of Nancy Ann Anderson Wessell shows in her eyes.
Nancy Ann Anderson (October 1, 1930 – April 1, 2018)
The Reverend Nancy Anderson made her transition in the evening of Easter Sunday. There is much sorrow in her passing and yet she left us in great joy. A friend to all she would always offer a hand to help in whatever manner she was called to. She left a legacy of love. For all who were blessed with knowing her in this life and felt the power of her determinate nature of all-inclusive love will rejoice that all was returned to her in her final days on this Earth. Her final words were; “I am overflowing with love.”
She is survived by her three children, Christine, Mark and David and her beloved grandchildren, Amber, Amy, Alexia, Conor, John, Tyler and Victoria.
Nancy moved to San Miguel de Allende in 2003 with her, now deceased husband, Owen Thomas, together they set about initiating prayer circles and working diligently to promote world peace and the well being of all people. Those who attended her services and took spiritual counsel with her dearly love her. For many years, every Tuesday morning, Rev. Nancy led a spiritual and meditation group at the Empowerment Center. She was a spiritual mother to many.
An ordained minister of Religious Science International she expanded from these teachings and became a vital force with other international groups that taught and promoted the fundamental concept of unity in diversity. This was her passion in the last years of her life.
We all will miss her and yet she would ask us to be in the joy and peace she is… Ernest Holmes was one of her first teachers and she would wholeheartedly agree with this quote, so it is.
“Life is infinite energy coupled with limitless creative imagination. It is the invisible essence and substance of every visible form. Its nature is goodness, truth, wisdom and beauty, as well as energy and imagination. Our highest satisfaction comes from a sense of conscious union with this invisible Life. All human endeavor is an attempt to get back to first principles, to find such an inward wholeness that all sense of fear, doubt, and uncertainty vanishes.”
― Ernest Holmes, The Art of Life
Nana in total surrender to prayer.