Thoughts, thoughts, too many thoughts...

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Spiritwind
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Re: Thoughts, thoughts, too many thoughts...

Post by Spiritwind »

I’m heading out here shortly to go get more firewood, but while I’m waiting for my neighbor to show up will take some time to jot down a few thoughts. Feel a tremendous amount of gratitude this morning as I walked around the farm and interacted with the menagerie of goats, dogs, cats, horse, the trees and the beautiful blue sky (except to the south east towards the city and heavily populated areas where there was the usual forming of “clouds”, spreading out from the “contrails” crisscrossing patterns in the sky).

I feel so much about where we are heading, as a species, us humans specifically, but also all biological life here. Either most of us just didn’t notice, or truly ALL life seems to be waking up and becoming more aware, and that, strangely, despite all they (those that wrote the current programs to control all life here, and are busy trying to implement them, at the total expense of our free will) keep throwing at us and the environment. And then trying to lather everyone up over climate change, and guilt tripping anyone who doesn’t support the narrative that we totally created it, us lower class humans (not of the top 1%) and that if we just change our ways we can turn this ship around.

And, like any dogma, they won’t even allow for us to talk about the part that geoengineering, big multi-national corporations, and our movements through space (perhaps being in a more highly charged area of space, as well as changing magnetics - which have been shown to stimulate earth changes in the past) are playing. So, pardon me if I ask some embarrassing questions!

The reason it irritates me is they have taken the true good will and desire to see positive change in this world of so many people, and channeled it into what in many ways I see as a useless endeavor, and one even they, in secret, don’t plan to succeed. These people are globalists, and, as such, have their own plan to ultimately “rule the world”, that they simply disguise in terminology that is intended to be misleading. You have to watch what they actually do.

And I do, watch what they do. I am so fully on to them it makes me somewhat ill to even think about it too much, because I do know what they are capable of, and have no doubt about their true intentions. It is anything but benevolent. But still, I gotta live here, and I am committed to sticking it out to see what happens. I do trust in a divine essence, a presence and an intelligence if you will, that is embodied in all creation. Especially since I’ve moved out here on what was a completely undeveloped piece of land, and begun to intimately interact with it over the course of a few years. It’s all taking me deeper and deeper into the mother, the womb, that nurturing bosom of creation from which all life emanates, and it is beautiful, and full-filling. I can almost drink it up.

That is one of the reasons I keep writing. I fully believe that I am not the only one experiencing this emerging awareness that in a way, we are living in two different realities at once. The organic, natural one, that a truly divine creative force of benevolent intent brought into manifestation, and then the one that is trying to do a takeover. It’s an infestation of a stealthy, parasitical, destructive force, that is anti-biotic in nature, rather than for the benevolent expression of the life force as it continuously flows into the myriad of its individuated and manifested forms.

Not that I haven’t used antibiotics to successfully save some of my goats that had become seriously ill. But then, those animals became ill in large part due to what they are doing to the food chain, and that includes pet and livestock feed. So, again, once I correct the problem, and plan ahead by continuing to find and implement ways to strengthen their own natural immune system, they won’t need that kind of drastic intervention in the first place (the ole problem, reaction, solution concept that many of us have learned to recognize so easily these days).

Basically I’m just here in many ways feeling like I’m watching a show unfold before me, with my farm as a distraction from the outer drama. And it feels that way to me. People are getting strange, and they unfortunately do not recognize this new strangeness isn’t at all natural. It isn’t organic. What I’m doing is actually organic, as I’m seriously getting into the nuts and bolts of it all, going back to what makes it all work in the first place. Microbes! Cells! The ones that work tirelessly, both inside and outside of us, trying to be the bridge, the communicators and messengers, that help all natural systems work in balance, and symbiotic harmony with one another. All of nature does this, when not disrupted by non-organically created intrusions and hostile takeovers.

I can look back on over 40 years of interest in, and studies of, how nutrition, food, herbs, and a multitude of other common elements found in nature impact health and wellness. It’s funny that I’m so close sometimes, yet don’t always see what’s right in front of me. I’ve made kimchi and yogurt, and was doing kombucha for a few years, but did not understand really how that all fit into the bigger equation. Funny how I’m having to go back and revisit some of what I used to know. Years of working for “the man” in interesting and educational jobs, but also demanding and mind numbing in many ways, often required me to “forget” what I knew, because I just didn’t have the energy, time, money, or situation to do better. I’ve lived a very strange adventurous life. But now I’m moving into a completely new stage of knowing who I am, and what I am capable of, and what I might actually be here for.

Of course, I always think we are primarily here to learn. I know I have learned a ton I didn’t know consciously when I was younger. I mean, I’ve come to believe all knowledge doesn’t go anywhere, it’s always all right there for the knowing. It’s just knowing and “learning” how to access it.

So I’ve had kind of a resurgence in my enthusiasm for life and what might be coming up for me. I know astrologically it’s indicated that this will be a pivotal time. I’m moving more and more into this idea that we can create, in a very real way, what we want. I’ve always thought I have a kind of preplanned exit date, and don’t know when that is. In the meantime, I plan to continue to test my theories on myself, since we do actually still have the freedom to do that for the most part where I live. I mean, I don’t plan on parading in the street about anything anytime soon. But somehow I feel just living it, puts it into the collective knowledge that can be accessed by others, even if they don’t know me at all. And I am coming more and more to believe the earth herself, as a living being, wants us to succeed. She will help us, and has provided everything we need.

It’s like video games. They have put us in a virtual reality video game that is trying to entrain us to play and go along with it. We have to consciously see it, and say no, I don’t want to play that game. Maybe most everyone else doesn’t even realize they have a choice, or that there is any other game to play. But by doing it myself, playing a different game, the game of life, it changes everything. Because I absolutely know I am not alone. Many many others throughout the world have figured this out too. You can see it all over the language that is being used today, and the way people talk about things. It’s changed dramatically in my lifetime.

And it going to change some more. There’s a game changer on the horizon. Make no mistake about it. I can feel it, I can taste it. The force that moves through it grows day by day, as more and more realize they actually do have a choice, and that there are other better games to play. We are the creators of our own inner screens of perception, and therein lies the answer to how we change the programming. We’ve simply been entrained to play a game that may have seemed interesting at first glance, but turns out it’s more like one of those dreams that starts out good, but goes dark and nightmarish.

You will also have to teach yourself, as I have, not to panic as you “wake up”, as you begin to see what has been there all along, but somehow you missed. Focus on what you “see”, and breath, slowly and deeply, as you begin and continue the process of extrication from their game. For they will try to drag you back into it, over and over. Eventually though, if persistent, you will get better and better at freeing up your own personal energy from their grasp, and you will notice the positive changes in your life.

I know I certainly have.
I see your love shining out from my furry friends faces, when I look into their eyes. I see you in the flower’s smile, the rainbow, and the wind in the trees....

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Re: Thoughts, thoughts, too many thoughts...

Post by Spiritwind »

It’s funny, sometimes I have a particular topic I’m wanting to write about, but on a deeper subconscious level I actually have something else on my mind. Sometimes I’m not even certain what it is that is wanting to emerge. But it’s almost like the momentum of it is stronger, and I have to just start and see where it goes, regardless of whatever else I had in mind on a conscious level.

The subconscious really is like the larger part of an iceberg that is submerged, mostly unacknowledged, and unexplored. I know one thing I’m waxing philosophical on is the topic of alcoholism. There is a reason for this. The younger of my two sons just came for a recent visit, and it has been two years since I last saw him. He had missed his flight to the Philippines, and decided to reroute to come visit mom during his two weeks off from his job. He works four weeks at a time at a very remote place in Alaska, currently as head cook at a big mining facility there. He literally gets flown in and out, as there is no other access. While there, he lives a fairly clean life as there is absolutely no alcohol allowed on site, and eats fairly well too (for him anyway).

My son would probably be classified as an alcoholic, and unfortunately for most who know him this is what stands out. But there is so much more to him, so much. Anyway, this all makes me think about what I was taught by the establishment and so called experts in the field about the nature of alcoholism. I do not agree with it. For one thing, in Alcoholics Anonymous you have to admit you are an alcoholic, that you are powerless, and that only God, or some type of higher power, can help you stop drinking and stay sober. Also, that once labeled, it’s a life sentence. I also know the criteria they use and teach about what exact drinking behaviors constitute an alcoholic. I do not agree with them either.

The one thing my son has demonstrated, repeatedly, is a completely different physical response to alcohol. I would say his brain chemistry is different than mine or even most people I know. And I know that no one in their right mind consciously chooses to be an alcoholic, especially having spent time with one in a blacked out state on numerous occasions. Unfortunately, society itself has a tendency to actually thwart the healing process for many, due to heavy judgements and assumptions. Plus, life itself is set up to produce a great deal of stress. Not every one processes anxiety the same either.

If I were to follow the criteria laid out by our societal conclusions on the topic, I would have believed myself to be an alcoholic, at least at times in my life. But until the last 20 years I primarily only had bouts of heavy drinking when I was first out on my own at the tender age of 16 for a number of years. Yes, for me, and many others of that time, it was party time, and I did a lot of it. I really didn’t value my life, and so never gave much thought to my own personal safety and possible future aspirations. This is seen in many youth of today, in fact. The young people I talk to, some have it together, but many express a feeling of meaninglessness, and they don’t know why they are here. It’s like they have no anchor, and are adrift at sea. It’s hard for them to see a rosy future ahead, for far too many reasons to get in to here.

I would say, in my case, getting pregnant is what snapped me out of that place. Suddenly, I was responsible for another life that would be dependent on me, whose well being would be in my hands. A whole new part of myself I didn’t even know was there suddenly emerged. Problem is, I continued to have very dysfunctional relationships, with all three different fathers of my three children. They were always good for a while, until our own undealt with trauma selves eventually had to raise their heads. I had to work very hard to get out of a great deal of self blame for not knowing what I didn’t know during those years. Biggest problem, in the end, as I understand it now, was I quite literally hated myself, so more self hatred as I started to wake up was not helpful.

But the thing is, I have never craved alcohol, it was either out of a total falling apart of my life or simply a bit of excess social drinking from time to time that was the extent of my drinking problem, and I very rarely drink at all now. It was easy for me not to drink, and for a true alcoholic, it is definitely not easy to not drink, ever. For some, the craving really does persist for life.

Alcoholism has probably touched the life of everyone I know, in a very personal way, so this phenomena is literally all around us. As I think about it, I realize what a big, and potentially deep topic it really is. I mean, they don’t call it spirits for nothing. Maybe I can branch off into some of these ideas that are coming to me at another time. Best I continue with the primary branch at the moment.

I guess the thing that I am marveling about the most, is witnessing my sons incredible tenacity, perseverance, survival instincts, and unwillingness to give up on life, and ultimately himself. He knows he would probably be dead by now, if he hadn’t made the choice to literally place himself in a situation where it just wasn’t an option, for extended periods of time. And he keeps on going. When he first started down this road, one of the head people he works for said he would never promote him, due to his perceived short comings. But he just kept showing up, doing his job, getting better and better at it. He suffers from fairly severe anxiety, and absolutely has to stay busy, but he’s actually quite a deep thinker, self reflects (I wonder where he gets that from?), and remembers things very well. And through a series of events, he has suddenly found himself promoted. And has a crew of 12 working under him. He, like the rest of my progeny, has trouble with authority. So funny how life is. And now he has purpose, and he is slowly gaining more and more self esteem, despite the handicap, and, learning to handle and accept responsibility.

Because, let’s face it, it is a handicap. When he has his two weeks off, he still usually has things occur, with fair regularity, that most of us can’t conceive of, such as being robbed, and can’t remember what events have taken place. Loosing his phone, his credit/debit cards, personal identification (even passport once), are common side effects.

But, strangely, he is learning, and making amazing progress, and I saw much in him this time that makes me want to weep with joy, literally. Because as a mother I want to see my children happy, and successful, but not in the way most of us have been taught to think of success. I see him gaining life skills. And it’s almost like there are two people in him. The one that wants to drag him under, and the one that refuses to submit. That is a good thing, as he has clearly learned to recognize this, and is choosing more and more to listen to this other self that is starting to emerge. He may still have many set backs, and challenges ahead. But, seriously, for a number of years there I thought I could get a call at any time, that call that no parent ever wants to receive.

For my part, I just want to be his biggest cheer leader. And, I have to mention before I finally wind this down and get busy (you know, the usual), my husbands influence. This visit was the first time I saw the two of them interact as much, and it felt so different this time. My husband is, well, what can I say, a mans man. I mean, in the old traditional mom is the nurturer, dad does the discipline kind of way. He is more tough love than I could ever be. But all my children have benefited from this over the years. He was never outright mean, but he was very firm at times. They all know he has been the reason my life has done a complete turnaround, and he has personally been there as a father figure in a good way more times than I can count over the years. In fact, all three of my kids have expressed that they hope they can find and experience what my husband and I have together. And I am very grateful.

And, lastly, I have learned quite a bit about myself through all of this. Learning to step out of preconceived ideas and expectations. Learning to question them to begin with, and try a different approach than what I had been taught, with unconditional love at the forefront. I did not forbid my son to drink, even though part of me wanted to. I want to see him, to know him, to get even those few moments. And he did (drink) when he was here. But of his own choice it was more moderated than I had ever seen. And I did get to see more of that beautiful shining soul I know is in there. Love as a word means nothing. Love in action is everything.
I see your love shining out from my furry friends faces, when I look into their eyes. I see you in the flower’s smile, the rainbow, and the wind in the trees....

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Re: Thoughts, thoughts, too many thoughts...

Post by Spiritwind »

I’m hoping as I write I bring some sort of clarity to my burgeoning thoughts that want to go all over the place today. On the one hand, I have thoughts about the Solstice tomorrow, the shortest day of the year, which, as I’ve gotten older is always felt approaching with a sense of increasing intensity, for many reasons.

And then my mind wanders to images I’ve seen plastered across my FB feed from my highly diverse “friends and family”. I’ve never seen people so strongly oppositional. There’s a little bit of the drama from main stream news which my husband just had to peruse the last couple nights, mixed in, which is totally dominated by politics. What a circus! And for what?

Images of my childhood religious upbringing spring to mind next, how they talked about being in the last days, and Satan being in charge of the world, and how bad things were going to get. Whether by design, coincidence, or some other factors we can’t see clearly, things do appear to be getting quite strange, and loosely following the biblical script. And I’m not even going to go into all the outright Satanic imagery our consciousness is being saturated with now, as that is a whole other topic. And if you can’t see it, I really don’t know what to say.

Then I have a few emotionally stirring events going on with my three grown children. I’m still sorting it out, and trying to see my own blind spots (which, yes, I do have).

But then my thoughts turn, as they always do, to my abiding relationship with the Big Kahuna, Great Spirit, whatever name we might use for that universal benevolent creative intelligent loving energy that is the juice, I believe, that animates all life. And my team. I have to acknowledge them, for they do feel like a group. They are my non-physical spirit helpers, and they are as real to me as anything can be. I keep them close at all times, in my consciousness these days. For otherwise I begin to feel the outside shit show start to push in around me.

I could be totally wrong of course, but I’m not alone in thinking that our would be controllers are moving into their version of the “end game”, and that part of it involves great suffering and great loss of life. I wish I didn’t feel this way, but it’s hard to know how else to interpret the ample evidence that this is so. I get up everyday with this knowing. What can you do?

I don’t have a magic wand, and it’s a challenge to know how to proceed in the face of such abject evil, and yet, my instinctive nature tells me that I can indeed work with and activate my own protection. It resides deep in the innermost core of my being that is beyond physical, but is connected to the solar plexus, my own inner sun. From that place I can draw from the limitless source of all life, and radiate that out in a circular fashion around me. That is my bubble of protection. And that doesn’t mean it can keep me safe from all physical harm, but it will protect my spirit, the very essence of who and what I am, as originally intended by the first creative impulse.

And that is where my thoughts keeps going, day by day, to keep practicing working with these unseen, but definitely felt, energies that we, too, can summon. Just as those who wish to harm summon energies that assist in physically manifesting their nefarious agenda (through black magic and rituals), so too can we, as magical beings, not fight fire with fire, but just extend out our own personal energy fields, our own little solar systems, as is our right. If each person of good heart learned how to do this, the energies of destruction and harm would have no choice but recede back into the realm from which they came. There would simply be no room for them to manifest here.

Here comes the sun....
I see your love shining out from my furry friends faces, when I look into their eyes. I see you in the flower’s smile, the rainbow, and the wind in the trees....

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Re: Thoughts, thoughts, too many thoughts...

Post by Christine »

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Re: Thoughts, thoughts, too many thoughts...

Post by Spiritwind »

I’m sitting here in bed, covers pulled up, and not wanting to get up. We didn’t get to cut wood this last weekend, and we’re out of presto logs. I can’t run the chain saw myself anymore, due to physical issues. So I can’t keep the fire going through the day, and I’m kinda in hunker down mode. I don’t want to run the propane heater as much as I would need to, to stay comfortably warm, and don’t want to sit around in my snow pants. What’s a girl to do?

As usual, I have an ongoing flow of thoughts running through my head, so what the heck. I’ll try to write, and see where it goes. I haven’t been posting much as of late. I wonder why that is. As I think about it, I realize I have a strange juxtaposition of thoughts, interests, and lack of interest at the same time. When I think about any of the main topics people seem to be interested in, I find myself just shaking my head. The political arena for one. Like, who is this Pelosi character? All I know, is she irritates the crap out of me, just seeing her face. I don’t even want to know, anything, about the shit show they call politics, for it bores me, and repulses me to no end.

And the Coronavirus. Like, seriously? I actually remember dying from some illness in other lifetimes, with high fever, becoming delirious, and basically just fading away. We’re all going to leave the physical sooner or later. I absolutely refuse to buy into the hype and fear. Primarily, because I’ve seen this show before, way too many times. It bores me too.

Then there’s the whole climate change thing going on, with heavy helpings of hype and fear applied there as well. Yawn. Not because I don’t care, but, like I said, I remember other lives, and am highly aware of cycles. Large cycles, small cycles, intersecting cycles. Yes, change is upon us. But I don’t believe this planet is going to become uninhabitable any time soon. We may have to change the way we do things, and, of course, humans don’t like change. I also believe that most of the human made contributions to what is viewed with great fear by many, is actually caused by corporations and industries, that are owned by individuals who actually want to see the worlds population of what appears to be many lifeforms, human and otherwise, drastically reduced. At all costs, they have to maintain their illusion of control.

It reminds me of America’s many wild horse herds. The ranchers see no problem at all with their practice of elimination, so they can have more cattle and less competition. And I know a few people who think we shouldn’t have re-introduced wolves back into the wild, for then they can’t use the land to run, again, cattle and sheep, without suffering any losses due to predation.

You see, I just lost three animals to a wounded cougar. Yes, it was traumatic. Yes, I had to put up higher fences, and start putting most of my goats in closed shelters overnight. But, do I hate all cougars now? Do I think they are the enemy? No, I don’t. I live in and with nature. I am not above it. I am a part of it. It is up to me to take responsibility, and make needed changes to accommodate nature, not the other way around.

And, I see so many people lately, struggling with this world, this reality. I, also, shed tears almost daily, and struggle to find meaning in it all. I’ve had this sense since I was very young, that I don’t belong here, in this reality, this time. I’ve seen in my mind how things could be, and how much needless suffering goes on, and how completely bereft of morals, ethics, and just plain human kindness is lacking in policies of governing bodies the world over. Sovereignty is an ideal that got lost a long time ago. We are not born free. From the time we come into this world, our parents slave away at meaningless jobs (oftentimes), to pay for our being here, until we “come of age”, so we, too, can become slaves of this “system” of so called living that has been imposed on us all.

I just don’t want to play this game anymore. It makes me sad on such a deep level, I almost feel as though I could become lost in it. You would think that all this loss would make us more humble, more compassionate, more aware. Perhaps it has for some of us. I know so many who are experiencing loss of loved ones lately too. Heartbreaking, whether it’s a child, parent, life partner, or furry friend. Maybe those who leave us are the lucky ones. I do wonder sometimes.

Where is the sun....?

Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention the Super Bowl. It’s another one of those “I just don’t care” topics. Yes, clearly they are trying to make Satanic imagery, ideals, behaviors, a fad that is considered “cool”. Well, I just don’t think it’s cool at all.
I see your love shining out from my furry friends faces, when I look into their eyes. I see you in the flower’s smile, the rainbow, and the wind in the trees....

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