A Tale of Kittens

[Shezbeth]

Here I will detail likely my favorite story of my personal experience, the story of a family of cats and the hurdles and triumphs that they have experienced in the care of their Hoomans.

The story has developed since the last time it was rendered, with new insight, development, and chapters. It will take me some time to render, and will be a work in progress for about a week (estim.).

Prologue -

Before there was an FA in the equation, there was Sowelu, and Sowelu was the proud and dutiful caretaker of a Tortoise-shell Calico cat by the name of 'Princess', and an Indigo Chinchilla by the name of 'Rumplestiltskin'.







In September of 2008 Sowelu met FA,... and so begins a long process of ups, downs, backs, forths, in between, and - most importantly - many more kittehs to come.

Now, when FA and Sowelu met they were quite taken with each-other,... but this is NOT their story. Still, for context; After they met, and a few months of meeting, they began to make changes to their situation. Rumplestiltskin was placed in the (dubious) care of FA, who after an incredibly stressful car ride (good luck fitting a Chinchilla cage in a Miata) arrived with her (yes, Rumpy was a girl).

It was many months before the story develops further, but in that time Rumpy came to like FA. He had a habit - after a 'breaking in' period - of leaving the cage open, so that Rumpy had the run of the small studio he resided at. She especially liked that when she jumped toward the wall-mounted heater it made a loud 'bang' that sometimes caused FA to run frantically into the room, half naked, with a WTF expression. Rumpy liked that alot.

While Rumpy and FA were getting along in the Sacramento area, Sowelu and Princess were settling in in the San Francisco area. They'd both endured some dodgy roommates in the recent past and were settling in at her Grandmother's quiet house. Princess, of course took to the place quite naturally; with only 2 hoomans in a 5 bdrm house, she commanded all she surveyed (multi-floors too ^_~). The older hooman was quite affectionate too, and could be easily duped into thinking Princess hadn't just devoured her entire can of food.

FA was seen with greater frequency, until finally Sowelu and Princess traveled to the Sacramento area with him.

End Prologue

[Shezbeth]

Chapter 1 - The Progenesis of Drey

No one can say for certain from whence he came. Oh, everyone was specific and on point in the moment, but for an 'aftermath' recall, no one can testify factually. What can be said is that at at noonish on a random Tuesday (maybe?) an individual dropped a kitten off at a pet store. The individual's gender cannot be confirmed (not that it was ambiguous, just that no one paid attention), the age, the appearance,... you get the idea. What was generally recalled is that the kitten was alleged to have been found under a shed, entirely by its self.


The pet store happened to have been the place of business of Sowelu, and upon arriving to work she was greeted with the presence of an adorable 10-ish week old, solid* grey, little Russian Blue misser (males r 'misser's n females are 'miss'es). You can probably guess what happened next.


He was given the name 'Remmy', and though not initially apparent he was not quite solid grey,... he was the characteristic grey of a Russian Blue, but with - so close in hue as to be all-but impossible to distinguish - the slightly off grey stripes of a tabby. These off-grey hairs - they would discover - were only observable when his coat had a sufficient layer of dirt/dust; they were like invisible stripes.


For this - and other reasons (kitteh speak mostly) - he became also known as Misser Drey (dirty grey), and it was for him that the titular Misser became the prefix for males.

Now as the author/observer I want to point something out, and this will come into play later on. While I recognize the inherently and obviously probable explanation for the situation is as indicated; people are stupid oblivious apathetic pernicious less inclined to pay attention to their surroundings than is conducive. Having said - and by virtue of the ambiguity surrounding Remmy being deposited at said Pet Store - there is another possibility as to the identity/origin of the unknown individual,... obviously that is at the fringe of plausible AND probable,... but isn't THAT where such entities/groups/factions are observed to operate?

I'll come back to that later. ^_~

Princess beat the crap outta Remmy. She was de-clawed in the front from her initial owners, who then passed her off when she got pissed about it (and rightfully so, if the reader DOESN'T know already, the process of de-clawing is barbaric), who then passed her off when she was ornery,... it is unknown how many times Princess was passed along in the 5 years prior to arriving in Sowelu's care.

What is known is that the only stable situation she had ever had was the one prior to Sowelu; an old gypsy woman who knew how to speak kitteh but who passed away. She had developed both an obscene hatred for any other felines, and a most wicked slashing technique with her hind claws, to compensate for the absence of fore-claws. This (the attitude and the technique) were put to regular use on Remmy;

And it did make him strong.

Rumpy assisted, occasionally jump-flip kicking him (seriously) in the face when he started 'actin'.

[Christine]

A short interlude:

As "luck" would have it ... a calico cat has made her way to our home, properly clawed both front and back.

[Shezbeth]

Chapter 2 - 4 / 1

Remmy and Princess lived suitably for a good amount of time in the Hooman's wee place, but ultimately they decided to move to an awesomer place; this place had a cat door and sat adjacent to a 2 acre private and fenced field.

Princess and Remmy both saw this and saw that it was well and good, and in it they were well pleased.

Princess discovered innumerable hidey-holes and excapes, and Remmy had a central base of operations. For you see, it wasn't that the field was IN fields, it was a small field that sat at the center of an entire block; from this field, Remmy had access to all the adjacent houses and yards.

And he did go unto the ladies, and he did lay the smack down upon the men.

I should segue a moment and tell you a little about Remmy. He was no longer the wee kitten who got the crap beaten out of him by an ornery (and quite skilled) elder female (hint). He was a Momma's boy (hint) though and was the most dominant (but not overly aggressive) male cat that I've ever seen. His fighting stance was awesome, and unlike how most cats (males/females) get high-pitched and shrill when they're getting to the whuppin', he had what we called the 'zombie growl' (hint) that was lower in pitch than most adult male voices! It seriously sounded like an older man moaning angrily in their sleep.

Still, he wasn't bad about it,... he allowed other males their yards,... but don't get on the 'donut' fence or its that ass.

Incidentally, I'm gonna throw hints out anytime there is a concept that I'm either heavily referencing (here or elsewhere), or as foreshadowing to something I'm gonna.

There they lived peacefully and contentedly. About 3 years had passed since the Hoomans had met; they had their Hooman things with funny clothes and they left the actual running of things rightfully to the kittehs. Rumpy was on scene to chew at the baseboards and quack (its more of a bark really, but the author refers to it - in retort - with a "Quack!") at any kittehs who stray close, and though she didn't get let out as often she had a MUCH larger space to scamper across.

Until one fateful day.

The kittens weren't witness to this, so to phrase it third-kitten would be inaccurate. What happened was, I went to pick Sowelu up from work at a local deli/butcher/mini-grocer/caterer/etc. Anyway, I go to pick her up and she says there's a kitten.

Apparently, her boss had discovered a kitten under his porch. He managed to nab one of them, but the mother and the 'others' escaped. He brought the kitten to the parking lot of his store, opened up a can of kitten food under a bush, and deposited the 'strangely irate' kitten in said bush.

<sigh>

So she invites me to assist in the locating of said kitten. After about 15 minutes we locate the kitten, who had begun mewing. However, upon realizing it had been detected by not it's mother/siblings, its disposition changed a bit.

We did get the kitten out,... one of the fiercest, angriest kittens I've ever experienced (oh, they're mad normally, but this one had fight in him), and we brought him home.

WTF is this. W T F is this. Princess is NOT pleased. Remmy doesn't seem to care too much (hint), but Princess is crazy-pissed. Not only was there discovered a darker-colored and comparably aged, fixed, formerly-domesticated-feral female living under the rickety shed at the far corner of the field, but now there's THIS. Its tiny and it won't stop growling even though it's wedged its self in the 1" space under the shelf!

In the first night, any time a person moved it was accompanied by hissing and spitting no matter how far from the source one was; the toilet - down the hall - was accompanied by hissing and spitting. Still, by morning FA awoke with his arm stretched under the pillow, and a wee striped gray kitten curled up in his armpit. It was the first chance FA had to really look at the kitten up close without getting attacked for it, and as he turned to look at the kitten it opened its eyes and started hissing and spitting and was almost immediately located in the back-corner of the closet.

<sigh>

Using an awesomer cardboard box from a LOCALIZED SUSTAINABLE FARMERS COOPERATIVE DISTRIBUTION SERVICE - FARM FRESH TO YOU : IF YOU LIVE IN CALIFORNIA, LOOK THEM UP <ahem> we built a kitty-fort big enough for one cat or 'the kittenS'.

The following afternoon (so thursday-ish) the hoomans are in discussion. Something to do with 'more',... I hope they mean food,....

WTF. Really? Really. Princess is out.

In bursts Sowelu bearing a trap-cage. Contained therein are an obscenely angry kitten and a furry mat which is in the outline of a kitten. After some poking it is discovered that the kitten has more fight than the previous male (who was just starting to like us) and that the furry mat is in FACT, also a kitten (with NO fight).

Eventually all three made their way into the cardboard box, a conglomeration of hisses and spits and ample claws for the unwary. There were a number of wee windows so that they could look out without exposing themselves (deliberately) and anyone who ventured in the area of the bathroom was greeted with malice and discontent.

The same day we brought these two home, we were made aware of a fourth, who was still at-large at the store. Apparently at some point another of these kittens had been deposited in the bushes like the first. I am not sure how that went, and I can be certain that at least one of the accounts I have been given is inaccurate. Spilled milk, one more to go. I spent about 2 hours searching the area where the kitten had been sighted several times. I could be reasonably certain that the kitten was aware of my presence and, even if not looking at me, could be said to be conscious of my actions.

Now I know a thing about kittehs, and kittehs know a LOT about perception of intent. So, in addressing the parking lot/garbage area, I told it who I was. I told it that we had already located 3 of its siblings, and that it - and any others that might become apparent - will be reunited. I told it that what happened with the bushes and the cages was fucked up, and that even if I couldn't give it a home personally, that I would see it stay with its family. I left a can of Meow Mix and left.

The next day (friday) Sowelu had caught the kitten on her lunch, and I retrieved it in our kennel. He was stared O_O (deliberate mis-spelling to emphasize the kitten mentality of being scared).

Lo and behold, those two starey hoomans who won't go away, but who keep leaving foods and waters for kittens brought the final brovver. For a moment the bathroom - which had remained an almost constant source of hissing and spitting - hushed as the hoomans put down the last kitten (confirmed) near the cardboard fort.

A chirping "bdbdbdbdleet" could be heard from the box. The stared newcomer chirped back in response and ran inside the box.

And so the 1 kitten became 4. In a sense, that there was one kitten was true, and that there were four kittens was also true. FA came to see it that he was only initially made aware of half of a fraction - the denominator to be specific - at the outset.

[Shezbeth]

Chapter 3 - Minions

All together, there were four kittens; 3 boys and a girl.

The first male was a strong, bold, and playful sort who absolutely never felt threatened even when he was about to get beaten; the very example of the 'curiosity cat'. Once he came to realize that these were his brothers and sister, and that these hoomans aren't so bad (there's noms!), he actually stopped hissing and spitting almost altogether. He'd still hide with them, but a sense of recognition and appreciation became evident in his body language and presentation. We named him Boota (japanese for Pig), after the pig-mole character from Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann.

The extremely ornery female,... well we just up and named her Ornery,... cuz she was. Unlike the others, she'd hiss and spit at you while you had her hanging by the scruff, she just didn't care THAT much. BTW, wanna know how to disable a kitteh almost immediately? Put a black binder-clip on their scruff! Its awesome! Unless they're Ornery (we changed her name later), they just go limp! But anyway, she was slightly darker gray than Boota, and slightly smaller in stature, but otherwise they looked like,... well,... brother and sister.

The furry cat-shaped mat was more brown than grey; rather, he had brownish gray and cream fur that LOOKS like a dark brown except at close inspection. What's more, THIS LITTLE GUY HAS OPPOSE-ABLE THUMBS! Hasn't humanity been cracking jokes for decades about cats with thumbs taking over the world? Anyway, he is probably the most timid of male cats I've ever seen. To this day he is a shameless scaredy cat who frequently runs from the room if someone stands up too quick or walks too fast. We named him Thumbs,... for the obvious reason but also because his gait is slightly different than a standard cat's because of his huge paws, its more of a side-to-side shuffle,... what can I say, he's all Thumbs! Ha!

And finally the late arrival. This one is also a timid scaredy cat, but he's more the "If I don't move, maybe they won't notice me" type, where Thumbs is more of a "RUN" type. And, JUST like Thumbs,... this one also has thumbs! We named him Feets,... again for the obvious reason, but also because early into his arrival his brothers and sister would run and play up and down the hallway next to our bathroom. Feets - who wanted to play but was still nervous - hid behind the door and would grab at his siblings as they ran by. Sowelu and I - crap, I forgot to write this in third-kitten, oh well - found that we could reliably detect three kittens and a pair of Feet, so we just called him Feets.

Having never seen a cat door, it took them a while to figure it out. They would take turns batting at it, and when they found there was a place past it they would almost dare each other to see what it is. They'd dart out for a few seconds, and then dart right back in. But once they figured out they weren't going to get eaten, they took to the outside quickly and easily. It helped that the rental house they were at had a crawlspace underneath that they could hide in. That crawlspace became their base of operations, and if anything loud, sudden, or unforeseen occurred they could be seen scampering to, or in the aftermath their four gleaming pairs of eyes could be seen reflecting off the light entering the space.

With the arrival of the kittens, Remmy started getting mean(hint). I don't mean towards the hoomans, I mean toward ANY neighboring cats. Where once he allowed them to have their space, now he was quite particular that their presence remain undetected,... or it was that posterior. He taught them the basics of hunting, from which they became an unstoppable team. They caught all KINDS of animals and stuff, and frequently left some for the hoomans (ungrateful bastards never DID eat it though).

After a goodly period living together - the 6 cats, the chinchilla, and the 2 hoomans - Princess didn't come home one day. She was FIERCELY independent, and quite a skilled hunter (despite no front claws), so at first they weren't concerned, but when one day turned into a week,... and then longer, the hoomans went up and down the area for weeks, putting up pictures of Princess and talking to everyone.

Princess never did come home, but we'll get to that a bit later.

What comes next has been chiseled into the annals of Kitteh, never to be forgotten.

[Shezbeth]

Chapter 4 - Cold Transitioning

Something was up with the hoomans. They keep bringing out those papery cat-forts and putting all the familiar things in them. The kittens had never seen this before, and couldn't make heads or tails (ha!) out of it. Then one day this big gray thing showed up and,... what the poo,... the hoomans put the kittehs in a cage, and the cage is going in the big gray thing!

I'm not proud of the move. It was the best we could manage given our situation (which was rapidly imploding), but we trekked 1000 miles with the kittehs all packed in our oversized cage. The cage was designed for 2 large-breed dogs, so there was plenty of room, but the car ride was pretty arduous for all involved. What was worse is that our transit just happened to occur during a wicked cold-snap. We lined the bottom of the cage with hand-warmers, but when we arrived at our destination, the water we had left for them was freezing in the dish.

We all made it (except for Princess, but don't you worry),...

... but NEVER again.

The kittehs were hurried into a new house, and some of the people there smelled kind of like Sowelu. There were several hoomans, and most of them were pretty decent. There were LOTS of cats, and most of them had an even temperment, but others were observably not welcoming. There was a big yard covered with junk - a kitteh paradise - but the old hooman who looks like that red guy during the cold period (Santa Claus) has a nasty tendency to kick kittehs when he thinks no one is looking.

At one point in this new residence,... Remmy did not come home. It is unknown what has become of him, being that from the time of this writing 3 years have transpired. What is known is that a number of solid and not-so-solid grey cats have been popping up in the area; I'll address this in the epilogue.

Then one day (about 3 months in, the author will spare the gory details) the old guy and FA had a disagreement. The next day, another one of those big gray things showed up, and the kittehs were back in the back.

This was not to last - blessedly - but for another week the kittehs found themselves in a small house tucked away in the cupboards of the bathroom. FA came in to talk to the kittehs and explain the situation. He addressed the kittens collectively and then individually.

He told Boota about the time when they first met, about how he didn't know what was happening when the hands pulled him - hissing and spitting - from the bush. He emphasized how, though he couldn't have known it at the time, he and Sowelu had taken them as their responsibility and would do everything in his power to ensure a safe and conducive situation.

He told Feets about how he had begun taking care of him before they had even met, and that - like with his retrieval - he would not allow them to be separated again. Specifically, he promised that no matter what happened, that they would ALWAYS come back for every one of them and that none of them would be left behind.

He told Thumbs about how he and his sister would never be separated either; when they were initially separated from the others as kittens FA had the distinct impression that they had made an agreement between each other to always stick together. Though they had been reunited, FA still thought that they had a particular promise to keep, and he would see to it that this was so.

Finally FA addressed Ninnos. Sorry, I've been referring to her as Ornery, but it was about this time that the name was changed. For you see, while at the 'angry' house, Ninnos had gotten knocked up. She was now a ninno bubbah titten (little baby kitten) with ninno bubbah tittens. These too would be fiercely and doggedly (ha!) protected and seen to.

A few days before leaving this temporary residence (they were only there for a week), Ninnos gave birth. One of the kittens was slightly deformed and still-born, but two kittens made it,... at first.

Ninnos might be a little on the derpy side,... she certainly had no idea what to do with these tiny squealing things,.... In her nescience she often left the kittens by themselves, and FA would frequently wander over and find them cold. One was the traditional gray stripes of the family, while the other was white with black spots. FA and Sowelu's benefactors had expressed an interest in the spotted one and took to nursing and caring for it, while FA took to the other.

He would take the poor little kitten and place it on his belly - inside his shirt - while he would sit contemplating the situation and the proper strategy to mediate it. For hours they would sit, FA stroking the kitten and occasionally talking to it. Other times he would sit right outside the kitten's bed and would focus his energy into the kitten. As it was, FA hadn't had a chance to shower in many days, so he smelled ALOT like FA (to a kitten).

Well, the black-spotted kitten didn't make it. It is unknown why, and there are plenty of potential reasons, but alas; Lucky - as it had been called - was not so lucky (or perhaps the luckier!).

At this time, all the kittehs and their two hoomans left the small house, and finally ended up in a decent-sized trailer, spitting distance from an expansive lake, several miles outside the wee town they had come to occupy. There were now 5 kittehs in total: the boys, Ninnos, and the newest addition.

The new place had laminate floors. The older kitties had no trouble with laminate, but the new kitten had a hard time with the smooth surface,... but that was ok because she had free-reign of Ninnos' milk. We named her Teji (Korean for pig), and while it occurs to me (now) that we now had two cats that were both named 'Pig', Teji owned it. All that time spent inside FA's shirt had made quite the impression on little Teji, and to this day she is entirely, obviously, and uncontestably 'Daddy's girl'. In fact, to Teji there IS no FA, there is only 'her dad'. Daily Teji will pester FA until its 'Teji time', where Teji will resume 'her position' (outside the shirt now that she's big) and get all the itches. Its fortunate that FA always carries a whole bag of itches with him, because all the cats - and Teji in particular - require a thorough daily allotment of itches.

The kittehs had their apprehensions about the new place, but like their first place it had a significant crawlspace that the kittehs could hide and play in. Thumbs went half-feral for a week, but we coaxed him back.

And then.

[Shezbeth]

Chapter 5 - Noir

The opening of this chapter has to be phrased in the first person, because none of the other kittens were witness to what transpired. We had a next-door neighbor who we were on good terms with, who called Sowelu one night. Apparently, on her way home, this neighbor had seen one of our cats,... lying on the side of the road. In a matter of moments, Sowelu and I were on the scene.

Feets didn't know what was going on, but he was scared. Something had happened to him, and while he didn't know what it was, he knew it was bad. Perhaps he saw the bright lights speeding toward him, perhaps he didn't. There were no witnesses to the incident (unless the neighbor was being disingenuous and had accidentally hit him, but the cause would not have changed the effect) so that can't be determined.

The effect was Feets was cold, tired, unable to move, and likely so profoundly scared that he wouldn't have known what to do even if he could do it.

As he lay there, he could see lights rapidly approaching. He could hear voices,... and he knew those voices. It was FA and Sowelu, and they were coming for him. FA had promised Feets that he would not be left behind, he promised him that they would always come for him and would always find him. Now, while FA can't REALLY be certain of what goes on in the (superior) mind of a kitteh, he likes to imagine that the last thing Feets probably experienced - as he drifted off in FA's arms - was a sense of relief, of peace, and just maybe a feeling of gratitude.

FA had kept his promise to Feets. Does it matter if a hooman keeps a promise to a kitteh? Does it matter that FA even makes promises to kittehs? It does to FA. Feets was buried on the residence of their week-long benefactor. In the years since, an associate of FA and Sarah gave them a pencil sketch of a kitten,... a drawing that someone had rendered many years before. It is impossible to conclude that the artist was drawing Feets - the picture was made well before Feets was even born - and yet the picture is unmistakably an almost perfect rendering of Feets; funny, that.

Feets was not the only loss to the family.

In a matter of months in the aftermath of Feets' departure, Boota began to develop urinary tract crystals. The veterinarian who prescribed him medication - who has since been put out of business for malpractice - prescribed him an outdated medication that may have exacerbated his condition. What became of Boota is - to this day - unknown. What is known is that he did not return one day.

Many speculations were tossed back and forth between FA and Sowelu as far as what 'might' have happened, and the overall conclusion that even in the worst case scenario, Boota acted with dignified propriety and familial integrity. Whether he opted to venture off to die, or to venture off to live (it would later be revealed in water surveys that the caretaker of the 1-2 block water association and well might not have been as adequately qualified as was initially indicated), as there is a good chance that the issue arose due to water potability in our little neighborhood.

As the author/witness I have mixed feelings about it. Over a 2 year period we received 3 "Boil any water BEFORE consumption!" warnings, and naturally it takes a matter of time before such warnings are adequately distributed, and naturally there will be a - anywhere from minutes to days - span of time between detection and notification, and obviously there will be a breadth of time between toxic contamination and observation,... but who's counting? They're only cats, right; and we DID have 6,... but more on THAT later,.... ~_~

[Shezbeth]

Chapter 6 - Princesstuous Resurgence

The loss of two boys took its toll on the family. FA and Sowelu developed a mantra they would issue to the kittehs anytime they would depart, as both a metaphysical 'blessing' of sorts, and in the event that 'this' would be their last encounter. It goes a little something like this.

First, the kitteh to depart must present themselves patiently at the door. Then, they are itched until they buzz uncontrollably. Then: "You be good and you watch out for cars, and mean kitties, and mean doggies, (and whatever is pressing,... crazy landlords made that list for a while), and anyfing (yes fing) that might hurt our kitties. OTAY? <kiss>

'Cuz we love 'em, and they're our (whichever cat is departing)".

Life settled down a bit, and Thumbs took quite readily to having a lake nearby. He would often try and goad the hoomans into wandering the shore with him, and he especially liked playing with the flexible sticks that fell from the nearby trees.

Ninnos grudgingly accepted the motherly role, though aside from getting milk, Teji always came to Her Dad for any sort of,... well anything non milk or litter related. For about a year things were pretty mellow with only the occasional hurdle.

And then one day, Sowelu got a phone call; Princess had been found.

When last we joined Princess, she was royally (ha!) pissed about the additional 4 kittens. In her frustration, she had taken to wandering the neighborhood and had made a friend of an elderly woman living in an assisted living facility. The woman had taken to giving her food and one day she decided to close the door behind Princess. She was very old, and likely quite lonely - the author bears her no ill will - and decided that this wonderful cat would be her companion. And, she WAS her companion because even when Princess finally got outside, FA and Sowelu had already departed for Washington.

Over time, the facility got wind of Princess and - having a strict 'no pets' policy - requested that the Sheriff take custody of Princess, which they did.

Princess likes people, but she absolutely HATES to be forced to do ANYTHING, and,... well,... having volunteered at the Yolo County Animal Shelter, I can state with certainty that many of the Animal Control officers are,... less patient with animals than one might think/hope.

When Princess arrived, it was clear she was NOT adoptable, and QUITE willing to illustrate her position. Still, policy and procedure being what it is, they scanned her for an ID tag.

I'm not a fan of RFID chips, especially sub-dermal ones,... but I gotta say, if not for that we'd never have seen her again AND she'd have been put down with the quickness. Three cheers to Home Again pet-tagging services.

Not long after they had processed Princess - and contacted her legitimate owner (the older lady had attempted to present herself at the Animal Control as Princess' owner and was politely informed that her perception was invalid) - FA and her would be found venturing back to California to rescue Princess. The trip was (thankfully) short, and before Monday morning Princess was curled up at the foot of their bed.

And now it was Teji who was pissed.

[Shezbeth]

Chapter 7 - Denouement

Kitteh life has calmed down mostly. Teji and Princess do NOT get along,... likely because they're in competition to be 'the Fluffy one'. Ninnos doesn't care for Princess either, which is most curious because when she was a kitten she used to follow Princess around. Misser Fumbs is a scaredy cat as always, though he has fully ascended to the position of Misser and has taken to,... disciplining several of the neighborhood cats. The hoomans took him to a weird place where they did something to his little bits so he didn't wander as far, but in the years he had become enormous - not in volume, but in musculature - sufficient to incentivize most cats to wander elsewhere.

Actually, we had him fixed shortly after Feets and Boota departed. Additionally, Teji had a case of feline pyometra (which is gross), so the only unfixed cat in the whole house is Ninnos. And to that end,....

So at this time, FA and Sowelu were greeted by two visitors. The first is a solid-gray cat that looks a WHOLE HELL OF A LOT (but w/OUT the little stripeys) like Misser Remmy, but isn't, and the second was an ALMOST solid black kitten with a cute little white spot on her chest. It wouldn't become apparent at first, but the little lady was pregnant,.... This was all immaterial at the time, because all FA and Sowelu knew was that there was an adorable, friendly, and hungry little black kitten that would show up at their back door; especially when FA stepped out to create smoke from that wooden thingy. The Remmy-looking cat kept his distance, but FA gets the impression he may have been the father of the kitten's wee kittens.

Whether or not it was Remmy's offspring or not is largely irrelevant. What happened was that FA and Sowelu took the wee black kitten into their home and then shortly to their neighbor's house. Their neighbor was a nice hooman, and this hooman allowed the kitten to stay there for a few days before taking it to a new home. The new home was accommodating to both the kitten and her wee kittens, so while sad to see their new friend go they knew that she was going to a better situation than they could offer.

Neither FA nor Sowelu saw the grey cat again after that.

Dammit, not only did I forget about the spaying and neutering, but I ALSO COMPLETELY forgot to mention Loki. I'll put him in the epilogue.

BUT! With all the 'to do' about kittens, Ninnos - quite in heat and EVER the opportunist - decided to do what came natural and excaped for the better part of an afternoon. Naturally, it took time for her to show, but sure enough she was pregnant again. A couple months later she gave birth to two adorable kittens; one was mostly white, but with some brownish-grey stripes (not unlike Misser Fumbs), and the other is an almost snow white kitten with 'dirty' grey stripes (consistent with the family line). The first - a female - was named Buttons,... cuz she's cute as a 'lil button; don't let that fool you, she's a monster. The other was named Nemo (NO, NOT after the f'ing FISH,... its Greek for 'the Nameless One' IIRC), and he too is a little monster, though more in a playful way than Buttons.

Erhmagherd Kittens!

Not only are they monsters, but they're inseparable; a dynamic duo of sorts. Having not been subject to adversity like their parents were AND knowing these particular hoomans from birth,... they have no fear of the hoomans, and are near impossible to discipline. Counter tops were trod upon, plants were eaten/up-ended, things that were not to be clawed WERE clawed, and kittens almost got punted on several occasions (both accidentally and deliberately). The two newcomers took fine to all the other kittehs, even Princess (who continually wants little/nothing to do with them). But, in their enthusiasm to peer through that clear force-field by the kitchen table, they were 'noticed'.

[/quote] We weren't supposed to have that many cats, we were only 'supposed' to have 2. But, the landlord never would have caught wind if she had JUST STUCK TO THE T%&*)#_%'ing rental agreement and provided 24 hours notice before 'showing up',... which she did (show up that is),... whenever she ^&*)%)$'ing felt like it. Anyway, she figured out (because she could see them) that we had more than 2. She confronted me about it, and I gave her the honest tally which was 6. I explained some of the causality and lack of intention behind having that many cats (I left out the part about Boota and Feets for simplicity's sake). Long story short, she gave us a letter saying 'reduce your cats by the 31st of November). There is much more to fully illustrate this scenario, but its time to go back to 3rd kitteh.[/quote]

These two weird hoomans keep coming around. Well, one of them comes around all the time (moreso than FA and Sowelu realize), but now there's this big, smelly, idiot (cats can perceive idiots too) who likes to throw things and hit things (with a hammer, that part was legit). FA and Sowelu both get into 'danger mode' whenever either of those hoomans come around.

Again, I'll spare the details, but let me just say that the behavior and circumstances we were subjected to were beyond the pale. Even if we were considering reducing our number of cats in the first place - which we DID look at boarding them - we decided 'Not for this insufferable bint and her illustrious 'grown' (physiologically) man-juice stain. Trust me, I am holding back the kind of details that get ppl locked up. Neither of them are locked up mind you, but that's because this is being handled civilly and without involving law enforcement. There's a reason for that too (I think I mentioned it in one of my Inphinet posts if anyone's REALLY curious). Anyway,....

Meanwhile, Rumpy and Buttons have become good friends AND adversaries. Sometimes Buttons will sit on top of the cage while Rumpy sits beneath, other times Buttons will bat at her as she bounces around. It's not a malicious and there aren't claws, but they both like each other and don't.

Unfortunately, this was not to last. The day before Thanksgiving (or rather, that hooman feasting-day where kittehs get all the birdy-noms they can) Sowelu was sitting with Rumpy. She had just bought a new shiny-dangly-wooden toy for her, with a new bag of treats. She stayed with Rumpy and then went to sleep.

And Rumpy, surrounded by food, toys, treats, and her dust bath (she LOVES her dust bath,... or rather,... she did) too went to sleep,... only she didn't wake up.

And then, they're at it again. The hoomans are scrambling to throw all the stuff in those papery kitteh forts. Teji, Nemo, and Buttons have never seen this before, but Princess, Ninnos, and Fumbs have an idea. None of the kittehs have ever seen FA and Sowelu so focused OR stressed, and they keep coming and going at unusual hours.

Then comes the day where the kittehs were wrangled again. Luckily for them, their destination isn't far.

And the new destination is f'ing sweet. The basement alone is slightly LARGER than their entire TRAILER. And, aside from FA coming in and dropping lots of different, weird shiny things in the corner near that kitteh staircase (shelves), the basement belongs to kittehs.

Nemo and Buttons can grow up in a safe - not to mention properly insulated and sealed - environment, Teji and Princess can FINALLY get along (because this house IS big enough for the two of them), and Misser Fumbs has a brand new neighborhood to explore, in a strangely SAFER environment for kittehs (comparable sneaky space, but without cars flying by).

So for now, this story is at an end. Of course there will be more in time, but for now the kittehs are happy, the hoomans are happy, the dearly departed have been seen re-manifest in other forms (be they kittens, or curious squirrels), all the angry hoomans are no longer in the picture.

It's good to be a cat.

[Shezbeth]

Epilogue

As you could probably guess given the ample hints and the comments about 'familial striping',... it is only in recent years that the kittens have been grown enough to make a suitable comparison with existing photos. Since then FA diligently analyzed and studied pictures of Misser Remmy, as well as thoroughly inspecting the remaining kittens.

There is no question in his mind; Ninnos, Fumbs, Teji, Nemo, and Buttons all share the characteristic striping that Misser Remmy did. Having inspected every striped/tabby cat in the area, FA can scholastically conclude that this striping pattern is unknown amongst the local kitteh population.

In all probability, Remmy was the father of the 4/1 kittens all along. So while never seen again, his legacy lives on in a big way.

Also, WAY back, even before the 4/1 kittens, there was an ADDITIONAL chincilla. This was a very dirty, ill tempered, malnourished rescue chincilla who had spent the first couple years of his live in a house that,... had an excess of heinous powders, and who gave him a healthy diet of,... cheerios; they named him Loki.

FA and Sowelu kept him for about 6 months, but he didn't get along with Rumpy at ALL, so after some searching they found a wonderful family of 6 (4 children), the oldest child of whom wanted a chincilla.

I don't mean 'she thought it would be cool to have one', I mean she bought books, read articles, and studied the chincilla BEFORE even LOOKING for one. This was not your average 'socially conditioned' family, even the younger children were quiet AND behaved.

So, FA and Sowelu offered them Loki, because here was an environment where he would be the personal companion to a young girl, amongst a proper (IMO) family, where he could enjoy the sort of life he had been deprived of in his,... original circumstances (not FA and Sowelu of course). 8 months later Sowelu was contacted by the family (or perhaps contacted the family,... I forget) and was informed that Loki had bonded quite thoroughly with her new caretaker and her family, and was in fact, living the sort of experience that any proper hooman would wish on - if not create for - a cute and furry drey,...

... even if this one wasn't a kitteh.