Is winter over yet? No, in fact winter officially begins in two days, LOL. The good news about that is the days will be getting longer again soon. My mind is a strange juxtaposition of thoughts about farming and all the things we want to do out here, and the strange world unfolding “out there”. I have been watching a number of videos about our past and what our true history might be. It is stretching my mind into all kinds of contortions. I keep getting this feeling I’m not in Kansas anymore. The true nature of reality’s getting harder and harder to pin down. Maybe that’s the beauty of it. We are, in fact, creator beings, even if we don’t have a clue about what we are really creating. If we quit letting someone, something, else steer the ship, we might even begin to see a shoreline that looks a little more inviting...
A lot of what I spend time doing is being my own cheerleader. As I’ve gotten older I see a lot of people kind of giving up. In fact, you don’t even have to be older for this to happen. For me, I want to stay on the edge of creation, and keep setting goals for myself, and stay motivated to stay in the race. What race is that, you might wonder? Well, there is no prize at the end, at least not like we think. The one thing I have figured out, is we do influence one another, no matter what we are doing. If you are just sitting in front of the tv, watching reruns of your old favorite shows, you are still influencing someone, and being influenced. Grandma Mary was like this. Towards the end of her life she just sat there, and then just laid there, watching television, basically giving up, and letting others take care of her as she withdrew her desire to even be here.
I’m not saying there is anything wrong with this. I just don’t want to be that person. When my sisters and their kids came to visit this last summer, I realized just how much I actually do influence others, even though that isn’t my primary goal. And I remember when I was little I used to think it was important to find someone else, some dogma or belief system that had all the answers, and then follow them/that. I’ve come to realize there are no saints, and there is no magic book that has all the answers. Not that there haven’t been some amazing real people who have lived and inspired generations. I can think of a number of real people who influenced my thinking growing up. But somewhere along the way, I had to jump off the train, and look inside to see what was really there, within myself. That’s where the gold is, for any of us.
So I ask myself daily, what do I want to create, what makes me happy, where do I easily feel joyful? If I am honest, I realize that while I don’t mind being alone, I also want to share what I create with others. Not in a way that makes anyone want to follow me, but in a way that inspires them to look within. To realize that everything anyone needs is already there, we just have to change our perspective. I guess that is one of the reasons I write, is to share my sense of wonder, inspiration, and joy, as well as the challenges I have to overcome to maintain that state.
For example, just this last week we woke up to a loud squealing noise coming from our propane heater motor, at 1:40 am. We had to turn it off and spend the rest of the night without heat. Fortunately it’s not been a hard winter so far, and the temperatures haven’t been that cold. Still, we woke up and it was a chilly 49 degrees in here. The wood stove pretty much has to be babysat to keep it going, which is what my husband did the next night, all night long, just so I could get some sleep. Of course the holidays are right around the corner, and even though I don’t get much into it, I have kids and family that do. So the timing isn’t great here. It turns out that the little mouse family my husband found earlier had one adventurous member who actually managed to crawl into the motor and get stuck. That’s what wore it out after only two years.
I used to let this kind of stuff really get me down. In fact, the first winter we were here we had the car break down, the refrigerator quit working, the heater motor go out, and the generator quit. How do you learn to be happy with all that kind of shyte going on?! I am smiling and laughing to myself as I write this. The one thing I really have learned is how important my attitude, my thinking, and therefore my emotional response, is to any of these types of things. And by happy, I don’t necessarily mean jumping up and down joyful, I mean being at ease in your body, mind and spirit. This is an important skill to have in these times we live. When I think about all that goes on “out there”, with what I know about 5G, the push to make vaccines mandatory, the takeover of our food supply by a company that manufactures chemicals and thinks that is the answer to everything, as well as the bizarre unfoldings around the world politically speaking, I shake my head. The world is starting to become unrecognizable from the one I remember in my youth.
But we can’t be the antidote to the sickness of mind, body, and spirit that has descended on mankind if we are all going around in a state of being shell shocked. Therefore I will continue to clear my inner landscape, daily if I have to, so I can channel my creative juices into projects that not only bring me joy, but have the potential to assist others to do the same. In the end, it is up to US. Not some savior, or government, or belief system. In the end, I’ve learned to believe in me.
I will now step off the podium, LOL. I still have memories of being a preacher’s wife a few hundred years ago, and clearly recognize my tendency to preach. I try not to, but it’s very hard for me to resist. It’s not always a bad thing, but it’s not always a good thing either. Anyway, there really isn’t much going on out here on the farm lately, as we’ve had a ton of rain on top of snow so it’s made it a muddy slippery wet mess out there. I have been making progress with little miss Arrow, and her daughter Hazel. I named Hazel after my adopted mother who was small and feisty. Arrow was totally wild when I brought her home in January. I sold her two kids that were friendlier, but need to try and sell her and her daughter next year, and they need to be a little more sociable. So I go out there every day and sit in the barn with them and make them come up to me for the grain. I keep getting in pets and scratches around the ears, talking to them, while they gobble it down, and they are slowly getting a little less skittish. My neighbor also comes over and has got them to eat grain out of his hand.
I have determined to reduce the herd this next year so I don’t have to stress about how I’m going to feed them all, and keep up after them. Arrow really shouldn’t be bred again, so I’m determined to find a good home for her and her daughter as pets only. At least they are very cute and little, and if I can pull this off and get them to actually like people I will feel pretty accomplished. My next hurdle is figuring out how to breed Raven to Celeste and Ivy, the other two I more recently inherited. Since he is an escape artist, it’s a bit of a challenge, as I don’t want him breeding all the rest who haven’t been bred this year. There is already a glut of unwanted goats in the area, and I don’t want to add to it. But I also know if I breed those two it will be much easier to sell them this spring, and they have to go too. I’m already psyching myself up to let a couple more go as well, and to keep visualizing the outcome I want. It’s hard, because I’m really a big softy to the point where it borders on stupidity.
I guess as this year winds to an end it’s not unusual to look back and see what we’ve accomplished. One major thing I’ve noticed is how the people I interact with on a regular basis has changed, to where I am spending a lot more time with like minded people, and those not of like mind have kind of faded away. One thing I’ve struggled to accept is my inability to get out much during the winter months. Our one car is still not operational, and I have found that I really just don’t like driving late at night anymore, especially when driving conditions are iffy. My eyes don’t adjust well anymore, so headlights often almost blind me, and there have been several fatalities out here this winter already. We have the 4 wheel drive SUV’s that always drive like they are late to an appointment along with smaller vehicles that often don’t even have winter tires on driving like snails just trying to stay on the road. This is what causes the accidents.
And I haven’t mentioned it before, so will briefly now since I think it’s so funny. We recently had a new Costco built on the north end of Spokane, where I go to buy groceries etc. about once a week. It’s right off the main highway into the city and they put in a round about, rather than a stop light. People have been complaining loudly and non stop for months about this. It’s just not what they are used to, which I actually find funnier than heck. And it’s true, you get there and everyone just comes to a stop sometimes cause they don’t know how to act, what to do. Overall, though, I do see the wisdom of putting this in. It may slow you down at times, but then you don’t have to actually stop and wait for the light to change. Once people actually figure out who has the right of way, as is often already the case, it should work pretty good. But people! We are such creatures of habit!
I’ve missed all the Herbal Guild and Talking Circle meetings, as well as the drumming circle I like to go to for the last several months. Coming to a place of acceptance is a bit of a challenge for me, as I love the interaction and want to be involved. And I know it’s discouraging for the organizers when there is such a poor turnout. We all want to act like it’s summer all the time, and it just ain’t happening out here. There is another local gardening club I recently found out about that I want to go to this spring as well. At least they quit for the winter months. Rather than get my panties in a twist about it, I’m just going to put energy into making sure I can have the ways, means, and will to get back in the saddle come this spring. Speaking of saddles, I still haven’t given up on my dream of getting me and Freckles to a trainer this next year too. Sometimes I feel like the horse with a carrot I just can’t reach, LOL. The trick is in just not giving up, but also making adjustments to my expectations when necessary. It’s a balancing act for sure, for me anyway.
My stomach is starting to rumble and it’s actually not raining out there today so I best get my butt in gear. Might even get in a walk with the goats today. To anyone reading this out there I wish you a joyful holiday season regardless of how you choose to spend it. Remember, kindness never goes out of style, and if things aren’t going well for some reason, reaching out to someone who is struggling more than you is a great gift for any season.
This mornings’ sunrise...
By the way, Love you Christine : )
PS: I stumbled across this website this morning. No matter whether you think the stories about the Ringing Cedars is true or not, it HAS inspired many people, in a good way: https://www.loveproductions.org/english ... FnYUjr8bMM