I’m not even sure how to tie all these disparate pieces together. I have notes all over the place, can’t even find most of them. And so much rattling around in my head, it makes me dizzy.
A small group of us have semi-regular sessions of exploration, and a similar type of images seem to emerge with some regularity. One is this idea of something emerging, something pushing through a type of multi-layered membrane. We’ve talked about birth, and eggs, and the formation of life-forms. But we keep skirting around the edges of what seems is not fully visible to our inner eyes yet. And that’s a big YET. So we keep looking and looking, and feeling into this “other world”, somehow knowing this holds a key to understanding the bigger picture of what is happening on a micro and macroscopic level. It is movement, it is light, and it is also fluid.
I have also more and more been tuning into myself as having a central sun, within the core of my being, that is actually centered between the solar plexus and what many know as the sacral chakra/energy center. What I see is a point of light within the center of a sphere. And from this point of light shoots out a vertical line of energy, that goes simultaneously up and down from the center. At the same time, I see two more lines of energy shooting out from the center, one east and west in orientation, and the other north and south. The light in the center is like command central, and I have a strong sensation of this as a vehicle, a vehicle of consciousness, in which you can travel anywhere, and anywhen, according to your conscious intent. I also get the feeling that much of our experience of imbalance comes from having our attention focused away from our center. As if drawn into another being’s sphere, that uses our creative imagination to unconsciously fashion this reality according to it’s own agenda. One which we would not consciously support, were we to be fully aware of it.
The answer to this, for me anyway, is to re-mem-ber how to stay in my central sun, and fuel my own reality from the limitless creative energy that we can channel through this portal that each of us already have inside ourselves, as if, in a way, we become our own radiant stars. When we are in our center, our place of balance, which is a trinary state by the way, we no longer have to fear what we may be creating with that which remains in the unconscious realms of our psyche. For that holds all manner of scary images, that our minds have conjured up through fearful thoughts, and all that goes with them.
It’s almost as if this being has had us spell bound, through almost a form of hypnosis (or programming, or both), and the purposeful loss of continuity of mem-ory, so that it uses us to fuel a reality that somehow feeds upon itself. The reverse of what true expansive creative life expression is all about. It literally sucks the life out of things, much like a parasite.
The other thing I want to come back to is about my mem-ory of having let the intruder in. In other words, for myself anyway, some part of me played a part in moving into a state of fear, rejecting my natural defense system that was already in place, and taking what appeared to be assistance offered from outside myself. Little did I know at the time how disempowering this would be. And for me, this, at least in part, is where the path diverged into losing that connection to my inner star. For that inner star cannot shine in a state of fear and shock. And because I did not already have the skill in my tool kit for handling this state of affairs, I took the easy way out. And that is what we have been doing ever since, when we made that fateful choice to give our power away.
The good news, is we can take it back. In my case, the guilt of this realization has kept me frozen in a repeating time loop that keeps looking for a way out. But the only way out is to re-mem-ber this truth. And not just re-mem-ber, but live this truth by going in reverse. The opposite way that was driven by fear. I must turn around and go back the way I came, and truthfully acknowledge, at least to myself, the erroneous perceptions that have followed each and every turn since I lost my way. I must reclaim that which I willingly, although erroneously, gave away.