Page 1 of 1

The Voices in our Heads

Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2018 8:53 pm
by Spiritwind
The Voices in Our Head

My head is like a room, and it’s getting crowded in there.

The idea of reincarnation is not new to me, and seemed to explain some memories I’ve had since childhood. I had scenes play out in my minds eye of a little boy about 9 years old whose responsibility it was to care for my families goat herd, fondly remembering holding the new born kids in my arms, and I took my job quite seriously. I died young in that lifetime, from some kind of illness that produced a very high fever. I remember just kind of fading away.

Another one that came to me early on is a lifetime where I was a very religious woman, married to a preacher back in the early days of this country’s invasion. I was very knowledgeable in the use of herbs and a skilled midwife as well. My attire was just like the early pilgrims wore, and was surprised to learn that a direct descendent had come over on the Mayflower with his aunt and uncle, the Tiley’s, when he was just 16, and his family were some of the original pilgrims who came to this country. One other lifetime was quite clear, and that was of being a young woman who had two children with a very abusive man. I was so miserable in that lifetime that I left my two young sons behind and joined a convent for the rest of my life. The guilt I felt for doing that carried over into this lifetime, until I made a conscious effort to clear it.

That all seemed pretty straight forward, and fairly easy to integrate, but then I started having other scenes accompanied by great emotion that began coming into my conscious mind. Were these all lifetimes I actually lived, memories in my ancestral line, members of my soul family, or something else? I really don’t know for sure anymore. But as I’ve allowed each of these to come forward, no matter how bizarre and unlikely it may seem as these beings show themselves to me, I feel a shift, as if a reassembling process is taking place. I have learned not to judge, and more to just observe and allow.

These memories include quite a wide variety of personalities and experiences. One is a memory of a giant male humanoid being who belonged to a group of very muscle bound marauders, who seemed to travel around and take whatever they thought they needed. I wielded a club, and did so without mercy. I felt powerful and strong in this lifetime, with no feeling of guilt and remorse for being this way, as everyone from birth had modeled these behaviors. It’s just how it was and what was expected to survive. I was quite mortified, at first, that I might actually have lived this life, but then realized that something else was going on here. It seemed as though, with some inner dialogue going on, this being had grown over time, and no longer was even the same being, but had retained the good things that came from this lifetime, such as strength, endurance, confidence, and courage. This being seemed to want to work with me, rather than against, and seemed pleased that I was willing to integrate this part of my larger self into my everyday consciousness.

Another being that came forward over time was from another planet that was destroyed in a terrible war. She presented female, but was not human and was also very powerful, fearless, and skilled in the art of war, if you can call it that. I felt the horror of seeing blood everywhere, and lifeless bodies strewn about in every direction as far as the eye could see. I also felt what she felt, as she saw the blast of light in the distance, realizing in an instant that she was blown to pieces along with the entire planet. In that moment she vowed never again would she revel in the glory of war. The will to fight had left completely. Everything she ever cared about and loved was lost. Nothing was worth this.

The next one was considerably harder to integrate, as it produced some strong emotions I wasn’t expecting. I had a scene play out of being a young girl, maybe 5-6 years old, peering out of a small cage with bars as a most horrible event was taking place. My people, who seemed to be mostly or all female, had been wantonly slaughtered, with many of the children being kidnapped and sold into slavery. Our horses who we ate, slept, rode, and lived with as if part of our family were also slaughtered, and then fed back to us as food. I cannot even describe the horror I felt on this one.

One other one that I had trouble with in a big way was and still is kind of murky and unclear. I could not tell who the person was that was replaying the memory, whether a bystander, participant, or perhaps even victim. Scenes of a ritual sacrifice unfolded in my minds eye, with what looked like a shallow ditch in the shape of a circle and four lines representing the four directions dug out from the rim to the center and a large wooden pole standing upright in the middle. Priests filed in around the circle carrying little pots of burning incense, chanting incantations, and moving in a clockwise direction. A priest came forward and poured oil into the shallow ditch all the way around so that it also flowed into the lines that led to the center. A infant was tied to the center pole, no more than about two years old, and I watched in horror as the priests then lit the oil on fire. This one troubled me for a long time, and still does.

There are a number of others, but the most interesting thing in all this, is that rather than being voices of chaos and confusion, they were voices of many shades, but mostly helpful when carefully considered. They each actually seem interested in expanding my horizons and understanding, and simply want to be acknowledged and recognized for their various gifts of knowing and experience. They are much like the many personalities and people I physically know and interact with in this life, in that there was great depth and individuality, fully formed in their sense of self, yet somehow a part of me still.

Now, contrast all the above with the voices of those diagnosed with some form of mental illness. What is the main difference? I can tell you from personal experience that the intrusive voices heard by a member of my family who is still institutionalized are not of a positive nature at all. My voices don’t tell me that I’m bad, or point out everything that is wrong with me in a derisive manner (or someone else, for that matter). When that kind of inner dialogue even begins to try and take shape and form, I recognize the tone and take appropriate action. I have no room for those kind of voices in my life today. The voices I listen to don’t tell me that I need to kill someone because they have a demon in them. They don’t torment me with thoughts I can’t get away from, and fill my mind with fear, hate, envy, or a running commentary that really does feel demonic in nature.

Although I’ve never had intrusive thoughts or voices in my head to the level that my institutionalized relative has, I have had many years of working with these inner voices to identify where they are coming from, and understand myself better. Even the memory that surfaced fairly recently in my life having to do with ritual sacrifice was not attempting to engage in sabotage of any sort. It seemed more to inform that I have a connection of some sort to this lifetime I remember, and it also informed me that this type of thing is still going on today. I was shown that an energy signature of sorts can be perceived once it has been identified for what it is, and this memory seemed to now help me see this more clearly.

But there is another voice, that while not showing as a memory complex or different lifetime, is more experienced as a discarnate voice that is negatively oriented. Exactly where does it come from? It does sound like a punitive parent type, or god head figure (think biblical) who wants some kind of adherence to a set of rules and regulations that are inherently impossible, and serve only to belittle, judge, punish, and instill guilt, rage, and constant anxiety. This voice seems to even get off on thoughts of suicide, and while your energy seems to ebb away and often severe depression sets in, this voice only seems to gain traction. It points its lazer gaze at both your own behaviors, as well as that of others, while at the same time often feeding the ego in exaggerated ways. If you go to your local physician they have a slough of various symptom suppressors with side effects (that from all accounts are not great) they will be happy to prescribe for you.

I’ve had numerous people I’ve known over the years who take them and choose not to take them from time to time, because of those side effects, and then generally end up hospitalized. I’ve never went to a doctor and talked about this, but can only imagine the response. I’ve skipped it this far and think I’ll keep on my own track there. They hate it when people heal themselves without their god like diagnoses and proposed solutions. But anyway, I digress.

As I talked about before, one of the reasons this subject interests me is because I long ago identified that part of the reason happiness seemed to elude me for the most part was because I suffered from internal dialogue disorder (stuck to unstuck thread). My inner dialogue, once I brought more of it into the conscious domain, I recognized as not beneficial or conducive energetically to creating the life I wanted, and attracting the kind of people I wanted in it. We are creators, to some extent, whether we acknowledge it, or consciously own it and take responsibility for it or not.

When I go places these days I notice more and more how, even though I don’t think I’m psychic, I can read energy very well, and that you can almost feel thoughts when this happens. True, I still have blind spots, and times which demonstrate my need to keep looking for those ways in which I fool myself, or allow myself to be fooled. But even those are not mistakes, but rather opportunities to free myself from the bonds of these inner shackles of misinterpreting my surroundings due to hidden programming, regardless of where it came from. It gives me the opportunity to clear it, which surprisingly makes me feel more whole each time I do this, and allows me to set better boundaries from a clearer perspective.

Another reason this is important to me is because what I am really talking about is healing ourselves. When you heal yourself from the inside out, it does have a reverberating effect on your outer experience of life. And, this discarnate voice of which I speak is basically in charge of our reality right now. It’s up to each of us who is coming on line, waking up, becoming more whole, to divorce ourselves from this energy, and recognize the ways in which it tries to gain access to our inner sanctuaries. Whatever “it” is, it’s stepped up its agenda of some imagined state of perfection and trying to achieve this at our expense.

Total control is what it’s after, the opposite of independence and freedom, and it has the masses hypnotized, much like lemmings following the pied piper right over the cliff. I’m not going, and I hope by relentlessly talking and writing about it, more of this understanding will seep through the barriers that this nefarious discarnate voice of deception has been feverishly erecting with our current rollout of technology laced with ritual magic principles. Ritual and magic are not always bad, but when applied without conscience or a seeming ability to avoid consequences or repercussions, would seem very harmful in its long range effects. In fact, if my memories have any credence at all, this type of applied magic has been experienced throughout this time construct all the way back to shortly after the beginning of what I am able to remember.

I knew I had a lot to say about this, and have been working on this piece for quite some time, but think I will leave off for now. It’s a starting place for what is in reality a wide ranging topic. So may come back to this. I will say this in closing though. My sense is that as beings we are so much more than we even CAN conceive. And don’t be afraid to question what you think you know. We do have an abiding and un-alterable connection to that which is divine in origin. We have a right to re-integrate and rebirth ourselves in a more complete state. This will not need technology or any outer teachers or saviors. It is our birthright. And the manual is already there inside you. We just have to learn how to read it.

Re: The Voices in our Heads

Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2018 10:48 pm
by Fred Steeves
Laurie, that was one of the most compelling writings I've become engrossed in for a long while, like a part of me made the shift in time and space with every new "character" introduced, along with the overview.

We've all heard of the town cryer, but you may just be the town reminder.

Re: The Voices in our Heads

Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2018 12:18 am
by Fred Steeves
Some of the characters/scenarios were familiar, most notably amongst them the wiped out planet. I think I have many of them resolved but that one is anything but...

Re: The Voices in our Heads

Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2018 4:48 pm
by Spiritwind
This mornings musings seem to kind of fit here.


Maybe eden represents going from a state of having all needs met, much like an infant, or an egg that hasn’t hatched yet. Maybe eden tells the story of going from an innocent childlike state to one of greater independence, as well as self responsibility. Maybe it represents the first “need”, after experiencing all needs being met without effort. Is this really a bad thing?

If, on the other hand, the experience during this early stage was one of trauma, where needs were never met and there was no idyllic time in the proverbial garden of eden, then all that follows will be colored by an expectation that needs will not be met, even if it remains unconscious. Some even experience trauma in the womb.

But, our spirit comes from the “before” when speaking of time constructs. So it has the blueprint of perfection still imprinted in it’s primordial make up. I am of the general perspective that the soul came after, and houses the memories of all experiences, in what I call bubbles of perception that develop personality and individuality. I even tend to feel at this time that most, if not all, of us have multiple souls and fragments of soul journeys, that make up who we are. Every life develops a sense of individuality that encompasses all that it brought forward from other experiences, in addition to a newly developed personality based on current ongoing interactions with ones environment while in physical form. All this adds to our wardrobe of possibilities to choose from.

The article that got me to thinking: ... -the-gods/" onclick=";return false;

I definitely have more to add to this, but I’m out of time. I’ll be back.

Re: The Voices in our Heads

Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2018 8:16 pm
by Christine
I love the way we weave.

I spent much of the night and morning going back over some old videos we made having to do with Nordic "myth", Hollow Earth and secret societies which in due order took me back to revisit the VRIL and Thule Societies and the Third Reich... so here we go around again and somehow I feel this time we are going to get closer to home. Everything is saying the exact same thing. "For those who have eyes to see and ears to hear."

Rather than take up space on this thread I will either start a new one or find the appropriate older one.

Thanks Laurie.

Re: The Voices in our Heads

Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2018 5:42 pm
by Spiritwind
Yesterday was an intense day for me, and I’ll see if I can write it out in some meaningful way. My life has been full of high strangeness, with the pace picking up for me in 2010. At the same time my experiences have been revealing to me how much is going on in the non-physical that most are blissfully unaware of, I have also been diving deeper into myself, and what makes me tick.

As I’ve mentioned before, I have identified several different voices, not literally audible, but clear streams of different voices in my head, nonetheless. One is like a four year old child, that loves sweets, doesn’t want to be told what to do, and is fairly driven by her wants and needs. The other one is like an older authoritarian controlling parental figure with delusions of perfection and perfect order. It’s constantly telling me I need to do this, I need to do that. I received primarily messages of disapproval as a child, and this voice is like a carry over from that time. I don’t hate either one of them, as they are a part of me and serve their purpose, in a way. I just don’t want them in the drivers seat of my life.

There is also the me I consciously identify with most, the becoming me, the me that listens for a voice of expanded awareness, that goes way beyond where the other two even can go. And I realized, again, how easy it is to get in mental ruts, for me anyway. I would guess this is a common problem. I realized I had fallen a bit into a somewhat depressed state of being, not totally obvious on the conscious level, from the perceived challenges of these last few months. In short, I realized I am my own worst enemy.

So, I literally had to resolve an inner conflict, almost a warring state inside my being, that was keeping me stuck in a pattern of reduced action and activity level. Since this world is so driven by how much money you have, and the cost of doing almost everything, I had reduced my activity level to cope. Not good or bad, just the realization that I needed to exert considerable effort to break down my inner resistance to overcoming my own state of inertia. It does not serve me, at this time.

Now, this may sound easy, but I know a lot of people in my personal life who are unable to move out of ruts they have fallen in, and even when they do muster up some energy to change, they don’t stay with it long enough to effect real change. Since I have consciously accepted responsibility for what I create and what I experience, my bigger self knows that I must work hard, and persistently, to break down my own inner resistance. Somedays, it actually feels like I have to become strong enough within myself to break the very chains I created subconsciously.

I don’t have a once size fits all, or perfect recipe for what works to do this, but just recognizing it in myself seems to be at least half the answer. Of course, it must be followed up by real action in the physical realm. But I also know the inner resolve to do so starts in the mind. When I notice the resistance arising in myself, I imagine loving those parts of myself, but also explaining why they cannot be in charge. Sometimes, I even imagine shoving them out of the drivers seat, or sending the four year old for some time out, while I get things done that need to be done. Perhaps I sound kind of crazy, I don’t know. But I feel this very thing is what keeps so many from taking action to actually change their circumstances. Blaming others, the past, not having this or that, does not help. And the collective rut is fairly ginormous, so I’m not in any way saying this is easy. But it is doable.

If you want to change your diet, or you are unhappy in a relationship or career, or say if your intuition is telling you something different than what others around you are saying, it will take sustained effort and unshakeable inner resolve, and you will have to exercise those muscles everyday. I’ve actually known people who spent so much time in bed, depressed, maybe with aches and pains, or other health issues, and after a while they CAN’T get out of bed anymore. I know one person in particular who is now in a nursing home. And it didn’t have to be this way. So part of it is not giving up, and doing so on both the conscious and unconscious levels.

If you tend to over react to everything, and have trouble with your emotions carrying you away to some never never land, this can be overcome too. I know, for I used to be that person. But you have to want it more than your sense of security with the uncomfortable knowns. It also takes a considerable amount of introspection. I also know too many people who have no idea what this is. Meditation, quiet time, and learning to listen to the parts of yourself that get shoved aside is a great place to start. Walking in nature is beneficial for this. It can clear the mind amazingly well. Writing without a purpose, and just letting random thoughts come without censoring is also good. There are many ways, and these are just a few examples.

I mention all this now, as I feel although so many have learned to put on a social mask, it’s time to unveil our true selves. It’s time to let go of all that does not serve our highest good. It’s time to stand up and be present. I can’t help my sense of urgency. It just feels like, if you haven’t already started, now is the time. And this is my attempt at encouraging you to do so. It’s worth the effort, I promise!

Re: The Voices in our Heads

Posted: Sun Jul 28, 2019 3:34 pm
by Spiritwind
I have a Farm Life post I’m working on, but in the meantime I’m going to just write for a bit and see what’s on my mind (yes, writing actually helps me to see things I otherwise wouldn’t, strangely enough).

I’ve written about the voices in our head quite a bit. It’s where it all started for me, in a way. I went to a Christian support group called Stuck to Unstuck (which I’ve written about before too), and learned about something called internal dialogue disorder. This was around 25 years ago, but it was the start of me seriously observing and reflecting on my thought processes. I was already prone to thinking about my thoughts. Just think about that one for a minute, like, who is it that is doing the thinking about thinking???

Such a long ways I have come, since those early beginnings. One of the reasons I engage in the discipline of writing is because it’s actually getting harder for me to find words to describe my inner process, especially since it is so radically different than it used to be. I can have several conversations going on in my head at once, with several different me’s, and several different voices, with different agendas even! Talk about inner conflict!

I recently responded to a post on Facebook about healthy lifestyles and how I am my own worst enemy, due to my lack of self discipline. It didn’t seem the place to go on a long tirade, but I actually had much more to say there. The person whose FB group it was is someone who clearly has finally, at least as far as I can tell and observe not knowing this person well, reached a place where there is peace within. In other words, much inner work, self reflection, and adjustment of behaviors etc has been done so that it is not the constant effort to just go with the flow, trust, listen to that inner voice (she must hear only one, LOL), and not be all tensed up and conflicted, is not an issue or experienced as needing so much effort anymore.

That all makes me sound like a mess. Actually I do spend a good deal of time quite happy, at peace, and quite tuned into a different frequency than the mainstream.

And here it comes. What I really wanted to talk about. I can actually feel it in my bones, a quickening. Weird. See, observation and a willingness to actually shift my thoughts, when I observe that the frequency maintaining that flow of thoughts is in fact false, as in, not the real me. Maybe that early indoctrination was more intense for me that for most, I’m not sure. But, apparently the intellectual me separated itself from the traumatized emotional me that basically had to shut down and go underground to cope. I know I was able to separate my consciousness at an early age due to physical abuse, as I can remember looking at my body from a distance when this abuse was going on.

So it’s been a process of integration, and actually identifying different voices, and using my higher mind, as in non-conflicted part of me that maintains a constant connection to source. Now, I’m not going to get into a discussion about source, because would take this way off topic (would be fun to explore though!), except to say that for me it is like keeping the frequency line open to a universal, creative, intelligent, loving, energy that I know is what we are, what everything is, what all is created from, etc. It is benevolent, and can be communicated with. I don’t like labels, as they are too confining.

And, of course, there is also an easy to identify energy that seems to run counter to this frequency of nature/nurture and creation. It is full of deceit and perversion, and is operating full steam ahead here as the mind virus we are all infected with from childbirth. The programming, of various sorts, that we have all had installed in our little bio-computers. Even though this is not who we are, it’s the operating system, if you will, that we use to run our daily lives.

So, the different voices in my head can even be called “programs”, kind of like software (or malware, LOL), that might be useful for the head programmer and the folks or beings it works for, but it isn’t good for me. In fact, these are the voices that sabotage. These are the voices that keep me in various mental states that cause me not so much to choose behavioral patterns that are unhealthy, but simply don’t help me maintain the stamina I need to stay healthy in a very unhealthy world.

Re: The Voices in our Heads

Posted: Sun Jul 28, 2019 3:37 pm
by Spiritwind
It keeps logging me out (sometimes it does this when it’s a long post - I have no idea why), so broke this into two posts.

Because just eating fairly good, watching the company I maintain, the situations I’m willing to interact with, and paying attention to my thoughts with a fair amount of focus, is not enough to stay in that sweet spot. And, it’s not like I’m looking for some mental utopia, either, as that would be ridiculous. It’s a constant process of self regulation, and I just haven’t got to where I can do it without a sense of effort, at least at times. For you see, I tend to wander off the path, but it often happens in such a subtle way that I don’t realize it until I find that my mental state has fallen into a slump. I have learned that my mind is actually what creates, or you could say, keeps a program running to interface with reality as it appears. It totally affects how I feel, my emotional state. I know this, because I have actually applied this process of self observation and been able to identify where my thinking is subtly erroneous, and bring it back onto the path of peace.

The programs that have been installed, especially in some of us, have hidden lines of code, that often run subconsciously. I find I just keep going deeper and deeper into this process, and as I unearth some of these programs that are running counter to how my real core self wants to experience itself, I find many of what appear to be memories surfacing. Other me’s, other lifetimes, perhaps even genetic memories. And also some from this lifetime that go back before I could even speak. All I can say is that there are despicable beings in this world, who live in a frequency where doing harms feels normal. And they don’t walk around with a sign that says “beware” either. No, they look and act when engaged with those they think matter as if they are just like anyone else. But for those who have no voice, for whatever reason, it is a different story.

Maybe part of the reason I write this is because those who still feel they must struggle to maintain a sense of peace, and have issues with body tension at a level that almost defies logic, may feel they should be trying harder to experience joy in just being alive, being here. I found I was quite frustrated when I realized the stagnation I felt, the seeming inability to do more to energetically move myself out of the place I felt I was in, could not be intellectually understood. Sometimes energy from trauma actually gets stuck in our cells, therefor our cellular memories, and the process to release them cannot be achieved through mental processes.

It can only be released by allowing what has been deeply buried to surface. Not judged and analyzed, but simply allowed to come into my conscious mind, usually without words, but pictures, images, instead. It’s a process, and as far as I can see, with each deeply held trauma now that I’ve gotten past the easy ones, it is always preceded by a sense of deep sadness, and depression that can not be explained through ordinary mental processes. In other words, when I wake up for a few days that turn into a few weeks of feeling kind of off my game, I usually look for an obvious answer. I tend to start judging myself, and feeling like I’m not trying hard enough, etc etc. But, when I finally realize that something else may be happening, I generally shift gears, and find that I finally make progress at restoring the sense of balance and ease I want to experience life with. It doesn’t even matter to me whether the pictures, scenes, and images, with the accompanying release of long buried emotions of trauma, really happened. In other words, it’s kind of a waste of time to try and determine whether these were lives I’d actually lived myself at some time, or whether they were something else. It the release, and subsequent increase of joy and zest for life that is restored, that matters most.

Another reason I am writing all of this is because I know many suffer from depression. Just being here in this life knowing what some of us know is a heavy load to bear. I know far too many who have turned to physician prescribed medications for depression. Most have not obtained any real relief. As in, medication has actually not helped them be more joyful. And, depression, and the admitting of it, comes with a certain stigma. Most people don’t want to admit they are experiencing a less than joyful inner life. It does all start with the thoughts. But thinking alone generally won’t get you there. Apparently medication doesn’t either.

It is a healing journey for some of us this life. I know it is for me. My friend who came out to the farm a few days ago and I were talking and the subject of truth came up. I can’t remember exactly what she said, but it had to do with wanting to know the truth about things even if sometimes it doesn’t feel good to know, to peel back the layers of deceit that often disguise and cover over truth. Too many just want to feel good all the time. The times we live in are all about discovering what has really been going on in the darkness of the Piscean Age, the era of illusion and murkiness, unclearness, and moving into the light of truth revealed as we enter the Age of Aquarius. It’s time for the horror movie we’ve been watching play out for the last probably couple thousand years to end. I want to “see” this truth as it emerges as clearly as I can, even if it does make me uncomfortable. Untruth, and deceit, whether I‘ve been a willing participant before or not, is no longer something I want to give my energy to. And you do have to reveal it, to heal it.

With love...

Re: The Voices in our Heads

Posted: Tue Jul 30, 2019 2:23 pm
by Spiritwind
This captures part of what I’ve been writing about (the issue some of us have in just being here), so will share this here:

"It's a major struggle. In this system, everyone is a victim of the overarching culture, and the "owners" of the system and the heavily conditioned try to tell the victims to be content with their situation. People tell me a lot not to be angry, but I think it helps fuel a response. Its the nature of that response that makes a difference. You have to use it to be constructive. But some goes as far as to tell themselves just to "be happy" and tell others to do the same. But people never tell an abuse victim to just be happy, don't be angry, don't behave this way or that - they tell them to get out of the relationship. The establishment has created a situation where we forced into a relationship at birth with no consent and are told not to be mad about it. A person or animal who is abused over periods of time doesn't get better over time, their behaviors are deeply altered. Any society which makes you feel like you don't matter, or that you cannot achieve justice through the overarching system is going to create terrible conditions. You can see it in the eyes of so many people - the sadness, the hopelessness, the frustration. And we wonder why there is so much in-fighting? We're trying to tell all of these victims to cope with the abusive relationship when we should be getting rid of the fuckin abuser! My aberrations wouldn't be so intense if the establishment didn't give themselves the right to murder, steal, kidnap, rob, make rules for me, abuse, intimidate, etc. We are the victims of culture, and until we demand consequences for the criminals, we will always be trying to force ourselves to cope with injustice saturation." ~ Neal Jones (From FB)

Re: The Voices in our Heads

Posted: Tue Jul 07, 2020 5:08 pm
by Spiritwind
I need to be going out the door right now, but....

I have been doing some deep reflection this morning, and just also did a Medicine Card reading, after asking, as always, for Divine Source to guide my intuition and provide insight for my day.

I have mentioned before that this is a spiritual battle. I do feel the evidence supports that this is so. One source of this evidence comes from my daily interaction with the unseen realms, and the dual nature of my reality experience here. To me, the unseen is like the iceberg, of which only the tip sticks out above the water, while the rest is hidden. Not inaccessible though, but one must be willing to literally dive into the abyss, the unknown murky waters of that which operates outside of our conscious awareness.

Having had a traditional education in mainstream psychological principles, and from that viewpoint learning about how much the unconscious parts of ourselves actually run the show, sometimes to our detriment, I have expanded how I view this linear embodied experience. Having a foundation in astrology and the shamanic way of seeing with more than my eyes, I have grown into a different view of my experience here than all but a handful of friends.

So, for me, when I internally analyze what I think is happening, I see way beyond just the outer show, and that which is seen, or shown (which, incidentally are two different things). I don’t just see below the surface, I full on dive into the abyss, and I pretty much do it every day. It’s become second nature to me, a part of my understanding is admittedly filtered through these experiences.

I realized though, as I sat here thinking about it, it comes down to a fundamental difference between me and most of my fellowman. I practice the art of seeing through the eyes of the “beloved”. What do I mean by that, you may ask?

It is the heart/Earth herself. She IS nature, and she is IN every cell of our body. She is the mem of life. And I realize I adore her, as I have come to know her. And this IS what has caused me to walk a different walk. It is only through her ability to be totally honest, yet always with my best interests in mind (as she has repeatedly shown me), that I have learned to trust, to trust her, and to trust in myself. To trust enough to go against the grain.

She has a consort, the Divine Masculine, and he is returning to her, to his beloved. I love them both. I will not miss this male perversion of paternalistic authoritarian energy, that demands obedience, punishes his children for doing what he does himself, and hates women, and believes compassion is a sign of weakness. He has been impersonating the Divine Masculine, but his time is up.

For I realized as I listened to the voice within, that what we are collectively going through is absolutely necessary. All deeply held concepts based in falsehood must crumble, so that the light of truth can be received. It is only when the last vestiges of this deranged and psychotic entity that has been gripping the minds of humanity for so long is clearly seen, that it will lose its power. Truth has a way of doing that. It is not an easy process.

So it all has to come out, all our shadows on display. It IS ugly, and I do want to curl up in a ball, and have someone wake me when it is all over. But, again, my guidance tells me, that by being awake, even painfully awake, is the only way through the eye of the needle possible. All that I hang on to must be released, and I must trust. Trust like never before. I must be willing to look at each and every area of my psyches most hidden secrets, and allow myself to see them clearly, no matter how it challenges my fears and desire to feel in control, and maintain a certain image of myself.

I begin anew each day, and some days I don’t stay on top of these new tumultuous and chaotic energies, and other days I ride the surf board of life with remarkable ease. It seems to go best when I face the dark nights that keep appearing in my path, and choose to move into them, into my judgement and expectations, and embrace each and every one of them. I always come out the other side stronger for it.

Yes, we are watching a drama unfold on the collective, that is offensive to the senses. There is much deceit and slight of hands black magic afloat. But we should not underestimate the power for good. Because I have learned to trust in my ability to access command central, and get the right instructions when I need them, I am being asked to affirm that trust each and every day.

It is also a time to celebrate, for essentially this is a birthing. The energies are very intense, and will stay that way for some time. We are in the birth canal, and it is dark, wet, and very confining. It feels as if we’re being squeezed, and can’t breath. Every part of our body feels affected.

Let us all learn to be midwives of these new energies being birthed from both within and without. I know from experience, the more I can relax, get into my inner flow, and release the tension and fear of the body, the better will be the outcome. Short shallow breathes when needed, long deep breathes when you can. There is always more than one way to look at anything, but I choose the middle way, the way of the Heart/earth.