Finally a day just spent at home. It’s a strange thing, in that I get lonely as heck out here by myself sometimes, and yet am totally not one of those people who likes to be on the go all the time. Also, after a glorious week of much clearer skies, the smoke rolled in again last night. I can remember waking up and smelling it, and sure enough you can barely see the mountain and hills in the distance. I don’t even want to think about what all of us breathing in all the particulates and fire retardant is doing to us. I tried wearing a mask while out cleaning a pen early last week, and, besides making me sweat and my glasses fog up, was almost intolerable to wear. Geez Louise!
I spent the weekend teaching my first Reiki class since 2010, and had a most fabulous and tumultuous time! I’m going to bite the bullet here, and try to be as honest as I can. It really is a radical thing in our times, just telling the truth. You see, I had let go of my expectation for this class to occur since it didn’t seem to be coming together, then at the last minute it was a go. I try not to spend money in my head before I get it, but in this case I found I just couldn’t help myself. All summer we waited and waited for our financial situation to improve, and it didn’t. Then, as you know, the horse got out and I decided we absolutely had to get another generator, which we did. We are already spending substantially less on fuel, which is great!
And, I fully realize and accept that we have CHOSEN our life, our situation. I take full responsibility and blame no one. My husband and I talk about this all the time. People all over the world have lived without money and to me the whole system is set up as a form of slavery. It has made true radicals out of me and my husband. It’s like we want to show ourselves, and our children, that money isn’t what it has been cracked up to be. You can be joyful without it, and miserable with it. But it does take a considerable amount of courage, imagination, and solution oriented thinking to make such an alternate lifestyle work. And I am not immune to the heaping amount of programming that has blanketed our consciousness full scale in our times.
But, I want to discard all that programming, even if it means living life on the edge by the seat of my pants. So, I embrace my life and all that comes with it. In fact, on this occasion, the internal emotional ride I took was due to my fear about letting others down. Good to face your fears though, every damn one of them. Anyway, here is what happened. There were only three people taking the class, a nice intimate group of one person I knew pretty well, and two of her neighbors she felt would be good to have on board. She very much wants to build a sense of having a healing community, and I am definitely on board with that.
One of the reasons I didn’t pursue Reiki as an income source, is because I don’t ever want to get hung up on the money aspect of things. The world is in too great of need right now, to be offering anything that can help based on a set amount of money for those services. Too many people are falling through the cracks right now, and can’t get adequate health care because of the way the system is structured, and so on. And those who do have a sense of financial security tend to feel insulated from the growing number of those who live in desperate conditions. Showing how to do this with grace, humility, and gratitude for the amazing gifts of spirit is one way to help. I do have a roof over my head, a modicum of health, though I have to work on it constantly, and many outstanding and wonderful people in my life. I am rich in ways that money cannot buy. And spirit shows me over and over it’s presence in my life because of my unwillingness to conform or give up. It’s actually strengthening my spiritual muscles in ways that little else can.
Getting back to the class, I was tentatively expecting to receive a certain amount. The first day of the class one of the two neighbors was unable to attend. It was an amazing day with so many wonderful shared moments I can’t even remember them all. When I teach these kind of classes I always get as much or more than I give. To see people start to have more trust in themselves, and more able to just shrug off more of the fear programming that has such a stranglehold on so many fills my heart with immense gratitude. But, at the end of the day as I realized that I might not be able to fulfill a couple of promises I had made for others, I did feel a creeping sense of despondency set in. I had wanted to send a most dear friend a little money, to help just be able to eat and keep a roof over her head, and it meant a lot to me to be able to do so. And I had promised to take my grandson to a movie to help offset his deep sense of despondency over how his first day back to school went. This also meant a lot to me. So the thought I might not be able to follow through did trigger me in unexpected ways.
I wrestled with myself the rest of the evening, trying to figure out a way to fulfill my promises, and trying to cope with my fears of letting people down. I didn’t realize, until this happened, that I still had so much to work on in this area. And I take full responsibility, for I shouldn’t have made these promises, even in my head, putting the cart before the horse. Anyway, I managed to let go, and though it would put us more on the financial hot-seat, I had figured out a way to fulfill my promises. I kept sitting with my own personal truth as best I could, and just kept giving it over to that divine and loving energy I want guiding my life. I was able to move back into a state of gratitude, which was essential for the following day. Integrity, both inside and out, is very important to me. You can lie to others, but you really can’t fool the big kahuna.
Anyway, the next day I was cheerfully driving to the second day of teaching this class and was surprised to arrive and find that the second person had decided to attend after all. I do the attunement both days, and she was quite the quick study, so it worked out fine. And she paid me for the class, too, so sudden turn around there. I do not have a problem receiving the same amount I had to pay when I took my first Reiki classes all those years ago. But, I also have no problem with just receiving what someone is able to pay. And I even bartered housecleaning all those years ago, because I did not have the money then. Still thankful that I was allowed to do this. It’s not about the money, for me.
But, as life would have it, in this case it got all tangled up together and now I can say I had “the opportunity” to work on myself in an area that I feel is quite vital to clear. Because, I truly do feel, this is one of the ways we continue to be controlled and not able to act in our own best interests, due to the need to pay just to be alive here. And, as much as possible, I refuse to submit and play the game. My deepest spiritual guidance on this matter is that there may come a time, even in this lifetime, where those greenbacks suddenly mean nothing, and even those who now feel fairly secure may experience a rug pulled out from under them time of indefinite length. And almost no one I know has mastered their hidden triggers in this area. I know only a handful who will not freak out if this happens.
And, now that I know with greater clarity just what our would be controllers have in mind for us, I don’t think this is just an exercise that is of no consequence, regardless of how even my closest family view my current lifestyle. Where is this all going? Not even sure. That’s the beauty of it. It’s a day by day, sometimes moment by moment, dance with spiritual forces that are, in truth, always at work in our lives. It’s just that I want to become more and more proficient at working with these energies in a conscious and beneficial way. It’s a dance, for sure, and sometimes a very awkward dance at that. But, practice makes perfect, and, at least at this moment, I am grateful for the opportunities that come my way.
In the end, it’s a good day to be here.
''Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.''
1 post • Page 1 of 1
- Posts: 1415
- Joined: Fri Feb 20, 2015 4:24 pm
- Location: Inland NW, U.S.
- Has thanked: 2332 times
- Been thanked: 2754 times