Dear Old Wolf,
She smiles internally, recognizing in this conversation one of "our" internal and seemingly eternal struggles, to truly listen and to be heard.
Not to mention speaking our "truth" with enough clarity so we can be, at least partially, assured that our words are interpreted correctly. What I am observing in your writing is that you are basically saying the same thing that Pris, Naga, neonblue and myself have been saying, though it brings up once again the question; where is the gap in male/ female communication?
Not to mention what happens when a couple have a sexual relationship. (Hi norman, you have been awfully quiet on the subject you initiated. )
Necessary for my survival I have become a careful observer of self and other. Listening deeply to what is not
said as much as what is said. What I hear in your words, allow that what I am about to say is not personal. As you have pointed out the solution is not outside but an inside job. And because you are being so honest and transparent I feel I can make an attempt to elucidate what I am hearing beneath your words.
The question remains, what is it that drives a male's need to dominate and I will conversely say the female's need to hold and contain? There has to be a corresponding reaction for this dynamic to exist, of course there does. In a further attempt to strip off layers it is obvious to myself that the driving force within me has been to have, to hold (dominate?) a male. This came from my own sense of lack, ie: need. I have long ago thrown out the Patriarchy as a model from which to work, the issue lays much deeper in the psyche, the outward manifestations are the symptoms as you so astutely point out.
We are back to choice, it is within us to choose. As I hear you, there is a discomfort with your self, a knowing that there are installed and conditioned reactions, things you know aren't befitting a heart-centered man. So there exists an internal struggle, good on you kind sir. This awareness is the necessary and often painful realization that the facade of ego identity with external realities will ultimately leave a dissatisfaction that seeks to fulfill itself in another.
Going deeper now I hear you asking for something you know is there but can't quite reach. You are not alone in this, it seems to be a hallmark of the human condition. The deepest layer I have found of this fear
is an underpinning sense of abandonment and the corresponding resentment of being abandoned, like we were thrown from the womb and unconsciously want to go back there, to the state of being encompassed and totally loved by the Mother. All our needs met.
She allows herself the freedom of exploration, unfettered.
Could it be that there is a rebellion and resentment of the Mother, not only in men but in women too? In men it would manifest differently. For obviously the female will grow up to be mother, as she matures she can identify with this herself. A male does not have this advantage so I what I am driving at is thus; he is in rebellion and resentment and at some very deep levels even hatred. He desires again and again to return to this state of warm embryonic love, falling into a momentary blissful state with a female partner the complexities grow. I will risk saying that most men I have known in relationship were dealing with "mother" through their relationship with me. That I have a corresponding mother aspect goes without saying. Female body.
Mother-Mater-Matter, she extends the thought out further to encompass all bodies and our Earthly Mother. Every relation-ship is a reflection of a subsequent action on the grander scale. She knows when one realizes this all actions will be in accord and harmony.
As I have written elsewhere to reveal is to heal. This requires that each and every individual find the courage to delve into their own well of long forgotten (purposely driven away) feelings and memory. I assure you that there is access if you choose to dive.
What I have steadfastly and at the cost of all else been working on is delving this occulted terrain. Knowledge is power.
It isn't easy to discard worn out models and templates, they are finely woven into our genetic memory and craftily reinforced by societal manipulations that seek to consume.
So here one sits with self and asking the right questions knows that the only way out is through.
She cultivates within her self the fullness of forging the male that is within her. She loves him unconditionally. She endeavors to seek not outside but within and she must choose this daily until the task is complete. Now she is complete enough, testing still ... She can Be Mother, daughter, child, lover, friend. In love that knows no bounds.
Observations of the inner self in relationship to other allows her the knowing that when male and female come together in true unconditional love, when the male has separated himself fully from Mother and returns her love unconditionally then WE, the greater US will find that there isn't a thing we can't do.
With deep gratitude. Love unbound, fierce and free
Old Wolf wrote:
Christine wrote:I hear you. May I ask what truth was awakened within you? Following the tread of the conversation am I to understand it has to do with the male-human need to dominate the female-human?
What I call the 'truth' is the awakening of self to the realisation of the power within the heart.
Christine wrote:I have found, time and time again that when we speak our truth, have it heard, heart-heard it often leads us to the next piece on the never ending journey we are on. I hear heart in Pris' words to you, maybe she sees something you aren't willing to look at.
I hear heart in your words and I know that you hear heart in mine, or at least some of them. So if we're all speaking from the heart then we're all seeing things from different perspectives. So how do we share our perspectives? I thought that honesty and a dose of reality might go a long way. So I'll try again.
We live in a patriarchal society:
Patriarchal :- characteristic of an entity, family, church, etc., controlled by men:
This 'control' is something I've noticed as an aspect of myself. This will to 'dominate' or 'control' women, quite separate from any external influence. It's obviously a distortion of what's natural (ie. a 'problem') and just as obviously, a societal problem (ie. The "world" is a patriarchy not "I" am a patriarchy). That doesn't mean that it can't be dealt with by me. indeed, it's the only way for me to deal with it .. I can't change the "world" I can only change "I". Yet in order to deal with it, I must understand the cause so that I'm not simply treating the symptoms. ie. "seeking equal rights in the workplace" or "marriage equality" are dealing with symptoms and not cause. So what is the cause? That's what I'm proffering, a suggestion as to the cause of this issue both in myself and in the greater world. I'm suggesting that the problem isn't as one sided as it seems and nor can the solution be.
The responses which I've received are suggesting that this is my personal problem and isn't widely spread. No doubt everyone is sharing great care for me and that is well appreciated (I'm not good at being grateful but I'm working on it). Yet even with great care, looking at the massively patriarchal system all around us (see Naga's funny post on this), suggesting that "I" am the problem is unfortunate ignorance. This is perhaps why this imbalance has not been addressed before, it's terribly difficult for us to admit to ourselves that we would wilfully wish it to be someone else's problem.
Do I have an internal representation of this system of control within myself? Oh yes. Can anyone fix this for me? Only myself.
Does anyone else have an internal representation of this system of control within themselves? So far, nobody. My strongest suspicion, feeling and rational analysis indicates that this is not only likely to be the case, but very nearly must be the case else the world wouldn't be as imbalanced as it currently is.
Hopefully that post isn't too confronting.