who's that loudly quiet b*tch

[Naga_Fireball]

Was inspired by Spiritwind and Sai (and All here)to come out of the anonymous closet.

My name is Rachel Miller, formerly Prince. I'm a tired but young ish air national guard veteran (2003-2008).

I got deeply involved with and addicted to World of Warcraft while enlisted and allowed this fixation to really wreck aspects of my life.

Luckily (at the time) i discovered Alex jones. He woke me up with his trademark shock and i moved on to start my own weblog, nuclearnuttery.

Sadly for the esp fans out there and students of psychology, i think my website is still down. But friends here who have known me for a few years might be able to explain better.

I'm married altho currently living solo.

We have a precious 8 yo boy with severe autism and a big heart / sense of humor. I'm not the best at entertaining kids but this child is my pride.

I'm a bit short on joy this month but the pride still works. Lol.


I live in walla walla washington and lemme tell you, there is a spiritual naga fireball welling up here that has little or nothing to do with me. Our town has such dark history.

I've lived in about 5 states and traveled in 14+. Passing thru included. So it is pretty bad to be able to feel it.

More later.

[Naga_Fireball]

14+ countries not states.

When I was 13 or 14 I accompanied my grandparents (also former air force!) to Mongolia for a six month adventure in teaching English and western values.

When I got back the materialism of USA absolutely crushed me. Also this was the year the empathic stuff kicked in hardcore. I had my first majorly symbolic dream while on this trip (see thread To the Lighthouse).

I'm grateful for this space to share with friends. As most of us know, plenty who are not friends already know our names anyway.

@@ lol

[Naga_Fireball]

The worm's eye view. A joke from the book How to Draw Comics the Marvel Way. A view of life and the world around it, from the perspective of the whipped.

Here i lie, spiritually, my cheek in the dust as I peer upward and regain my senses.

How many fighters have felt similarly, nothing supporting the process of consciousness but a face in the dirt and one eye barely open.

Yet what amazing things can be seen from the lowliest points in life, if we dare to record them. Each experience brings its own poignance to life's table. Any child can see that the hot dog tastes just as good when it's dropped on the ground.

How cruel though , the delicate balance between sense and memory. Depending too much upon one or the other creates a debt to oneself. If I lie here too long in the dust, experiencing the land of the lotus eaters in its rawest form, I may risk forgetting everything that to this point defined me as a person. If I try to recapture all those fleeting memories, surely I will take leave of my senses.

Sensuality vs memory. How do we know what is worth keeping? How do we know, as individuals, what is worth grasping?

Are we "seizing the day" or just seizing up? Why do some age so gracefully and others, so fearfully?

My mind is full of questions but the world is full of fearful faces and cold shoulders.

Why, even this morning when I arrived late to Coffee With a Cop, I allowed a well known homeless drifter to interrupt the only decent conversation I am likely to have today. And im a homeless advocate this chic yanked my crapper stall door open once tho and I tjought she was a dude. Lol.

The sad shit about life is the concept of "the pointless struggle". That a living thing with memory and sense can try so hard and yet never make it off the ground.

A bird with a broken wing walking its sad circle, remembering the gentle spiral of flight .

Are we more or less than birds with broken wings? How cruel that in spite of sense and memory , people are so cruel and indifferent to the suffering of others.

Blah. Lol

[Naga_Fireball]

P.s. and yah looks like the reporter job closed. Damn . oh well who needs a rude boss anyway.

[Naga_Fireball]

I should be nice about Rick. He's probably a nice old fart who had a bad day. But according to Sandman's witch character, "Nothing is too cute and sweet to be dangerous. Nothing is safe". Lol



I went fishing twice since husband went back west. He had vacation saved and I was a PMS hag. But in spite of that I took him fishing. He had a glorious time catching huge carp in the walla walla river. I hope my son can learn to fish.

Last evening I got there around 4. Near 8pm a guy and two teens came down out of the bushes lol. He asked me eventually which trails I used to get in. Funny question in June, walla walla is a jungle this time of year, trails are for rabbits and animals whose heads can touch their toes.

The man told me that the curious fish are known locally as Squaw fish. Omg lol. Then he was embarrassed by the non political correctness.

I wandered downstream after he asked if I caught trout and got the biggest trout of my current season.

Of course when I'm doing these things I wonder , how is my son doing right now. It's a terrible feeling.

I know how the natives felt when their priceless knowledge could not materially save them. Why must the ignorant inherit the earth when Christ promised it to the meek, whom frank Herbert points out as meaning " mute and silent"

[Naga_Fireball]

Yesterday as I walked home from bus after shopping for my son, I saw my neighbor drive by but did not recognize him til he stopped to say hi.

His wife came out to talk to him up ahead then when he parked I talked to her.

I told them about my son. It was awkward but she said in Oregon she was a caregiver for adults.

I ended up giving them that huge fish that I caught and cooked -- when dude saw the foil come off he wanted to eat some. Lol

When I'm stressed it's hard to eat. Also I'm grossed out by my own catches even tho I do good job these days with food safety . hahaha wtf.

I tried a couple bites before offering it to them andi
the fish tasted really good, like a restaurant .


@@

[Naga_Fireball]

Today at the river there were so many animals. I saw a coyote come down to the water. It seemed like a small one.

Before that, I saw a few turkey hens with numerous babies. The moms called with panicky "pip, pip" sounds, Lol. I tried not to get in between but there were so many and they ran all crazy.

In a pool in the river were a lot of bullfrog tadpoles. They were freakin huge and I was able to look at one.

I caught some carp there and continue to be astounded by the difference in behavior between carp and trout. Carp will sometimes stop struggling once landed and seem to watch literally and intently what is happening. It seems like a few are used to being handled and put back,
as it is a popular fishing hole and carp is not a popular fish here... Lmao.

Trout on the other hand flop and flop. Maybe it's the higher oxygen need that drives this reflex, but it can result in more damage to the catch good thing I ate them, @@

There was a weird grey and scarlet waterfowl that had probably 10-15 babies. It spooked once near the beginning of my outing then they landed again toward the end when I was literally about to cast into some fast moving water. It flapped and splashed unbelievably loud and all the babies mirrored that.

Ffs .

There was a garter snake running for its life up in the field earlier in the afternoon.

On the way home a huge fat hawk was sadly shrieking while trying to evade blackbirds. It would do a lazy circle then try to land, Lol. Then when the small birds tried to get it the hawk would shriek like it wanted help. The thing was huge.

Walla Walla is actually nice once you're comfortably out of town. The baby horses rolling on the ground and lying on their sides were very cute too.. The owner had no shade for them..... Wtf

A huge branch fell on my roof last night or the night before, heh it's been happening all over town.. Eek.

X_X

[Naga_Fireball]

Yesterday was not supposed to be a fishing trip. It started out so logically as a hike and photo shoot.

But then as the thrill of herb wore thin, the voice of an older addiction began calling...

It said, " I'll bet you catch more fish with the garbage left on the shore than that whole row of people with brand new fishing poles and boats."

Being the crazed lunatic that I am, I started the task of seeking out and picking up old tackle.

Before long we had assembled four hooks, including two trout or salmon leads, four artificial egg stinkbaits, a nail for a sinker, about 10 arm lengths of line in varying pieces, and the most perfectly beaver cut springy tree branch ever.

About six knots later and a short hike into the woods near the neck of the lake, I found a great spot to chill.

I put s few fake eggs on my hook, coiled the line loosely at my feet, and threw the nail as far as I could.

I put the tree branch fishing pole against a bush and started looking for firewood or redworms.. Then suddenly the line went tight and the pole gave a jerk! I was shocked Lol. I hauled the fish in hand over hand and it was a nice sized trout.

Soon he was roasting over my fire.
At that point an orange kayak came floating serenely up the channel. My fire was a bit too orange as well and the old man was curious. When the craft cleared the trees, he asked me if I was cooking a hot dog...

I loled and said I'm cooking a fish. To which he said You're gonna starve and I eat before fishing.

Then he ran into my rig and thought it was old line caught in a tree Lol. I told him it was just my pole and his eyes bugged out. He pulled up the line and exclaimed, A nail!!?? I'm getting away from you, lol!

It was pretty hilarious.
He cast a few times around the neck of the lake but I'd put the ashes out and gone before he left. Haha.

It was pretty funny stuff @@

[Naga_Fireball]

Last night the moon went down early. It was the tiniest sliver. Then the stars seemed so numerous, colorful, and bright, that I could not believe it.

The idea of the scarab beetle crossed my mind. How its eyes are sensitive to the milky way and galactic center. It did appear that out in the boonies, a person can view the milky way on a moonless night here away from town.

The fish seemed hyper excited, and all the sunfish species are hyper aggressive this week. 4lb test snapped like a baby toy yesterday evening when either a crappie or small mouth bass (senior citizen fish have the upper hand Lol) came up the river like a shark.

Sunfish are amazingly powerful animals when they live in a river and reach such proprtions. There's a crappie who lives in the hole upstream from there , hope he or she is still alive.


There were many signs of anglers and I worry about those huge old fish. Even the carp are very hardy animals and come back to hit again.

If I have to move it will kind of suck.

[Naga_Fireball]

Dear friends.

It has been such a hard time lately. Anxiety is not my best subject, Lol.

As some of the guys noticed, I've struggled a bit with alcoholism. It's just hard to use the A word.

My mother helped me repair a car left by my uncle, and it has been both positive and negative. Disabled people are better able to notice, ironically, how the free for all rat race on our motorways affects the face of a town.

Even I, in my thirties, have trouble with temper when other drivers seem rude. And anyone else fall asleep at 55mph due to childhood rides being so long? Lmao

Because of the cost of developing photos I have spent less time enjoying that talent this summer. It feels like a horrible waste that these nature photos are not utilized. Let me know if anyone wants to be my salesman, @@ heh

My son's situation is dire. He's supposedly slated to move to a place I'm not familiar with, and DSHS hasnt yet told me the city. I've been waiting too long to find a rental and next month might be interesting. Now that it is cool some days and if the car runs, I might figure out a temporary alternative and save a months rent.

We are totally victims of real estate and landlords in the modern world. We the renters dont set price. So tired of the ***rape eek.


Hopefully i can get my shit into storage without hurting my back or losing stuff. It's much harder for others here. Unfortunately my ASD is like a glass wall that keeps me from making friends andgtting help.

And BTW , fk google hangouts etc. Lol those ass hats were bugging my spouse today on his phone. Ffs