Men feel abandoned and spend their lives searching for something to fill that hole.

Women feel betrayed and spend their lives seeking their betrayer.

It wasn't always this way. Years ago we had small communities, close relationships and a balance of roles in the feminine and masculine. Somewhere in history, this schism occurred. Now men keep pointlessly searching for the woman (a mother figure, a subservient partner) to fill that hole in their hearts that represents that nearly completely pervasive feeling of abandonment. Women keep trying to attract that betrayer thereby justifying that feeling of betrayal offering them validation of that pain. Reinforcing patterns that just seem to 'happen' during puberty. The beauty of the youth is lost because it's transformation into the beauty of adulthood never happens.

Perhaps there's a significant sexual transformation that should happen at this time? Perhaps it's something that we've lost in modern society?

There's more to it of course, but recently I experienced a situation where because of misery, loss, abandonment, pain, fear, etc, two people developed feelings for each other.

At least it seemed like that. I was supposed to be the one "in trouble" etc but i noticed that this person was in extreme extreme pain...

This person iirc already lost both parents and spouse has cancer. So yes I can see through your post that this pain and suffering was actual . it is easy to project that kind of thing but when a person is actually hurting bad & trying so hard to hide it, even attempting to comfort such a person can be dangerous, like shouting "the emperor has no clothes!"...

Some men have become so imprisoned by career and society that even Being Happy is wrong.

Admitting to a woman that she " makes you happy" is a wonderful tjing.

The person in question pretty much slapped his own wrist before anything "bad" or "awful" could happen.


Complicated and messed up, sure. But love grows in the darkest situation or people wouldn't have survived ice age.

I really like your post, even if it's not One Size Fits All, very good stuff..

It's not easy to think clearly but discarding irrational beliefs is a necessary step in the process. It's big and it's difficult. Amongst other things it's a problem relating to needing to believe in things which you can't see. Once you start believing in things that you can't see, it's very easy to be misled (or mislead yourself) into believing in things that aren't actually real. It's also a very natural human condition that we're easily misled. We want to know, we want to believe that we have the solution, that we understand everything. When someone provides an understandable and supposed "solution" we tend to focus on that regardless of whether it is specific to the problem. ie. When the only tool you have is a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail.

The truth is very much the opposite. We really don't know everything and unless we work the problems rather than jumping to conclusions or using supposition as a tool to justify our own beliefs, then we aren't actually going to deal with the problems and the problems will remain. The only way to solve a problem is to focus on the problem and find a specific solution to it.

It is a lot of generalities, actually, to call all man betrayers and all women willing recipients of abuse.

For some people sex itself is fun -- but the damage it can cause to jobs and relationships is a source of stress and fear.

There's not much to believe, that the phenomenon of hormones and sex can be inconvenient and stressful, even though it is perfectly natural.

Tryung to philosophize sex , to me, is a bit pointless, as tge rules that cover acceptable and polite behavior should not be suspended during sex.

Power, fear, etc all these things are byproducts of comparisons that should not be taking the place of pleasure itself.

I try not to "read a lot into" sexual behavior,
Sex happens, hopefully enough times before we die to preserve the genetic potential of the human race.

No mystery really. People like sex or they don't, tgeyre hung up on it or not, and some don't even face their sexuality...

....

I wasn't inferring that men are betrayers and women willing recipients of abuse. I'm not discounting that inference, it actually hits the nail right on the head .. a big THANK YOU for that! I do understand how men might like to inflict abuse in a desire for control to quiet that abandonment demon, my assumptions about women are obviously less personal and more prone to flaw but based on your response (assuming that you're female), not far off of the mark.

I was hoping to get a woman's opinion on this topic, as external confirmation.

I'm not the most discerning & wise member on EE, thanks for explaining lol.

What about the guys n gals who suppress their natural desire and end up with all sorts of health problems?

Most people look down on promiscuity, BUT to me, if it helps them get over past trauma, that's healthy!

As for kink, there are so many people who are into "games", in fact i just bought a book two weeks ago or more, " the passive voice " lmao...

Now, those people take it way too far, but for them the pain is a source of stability ie sanity, the ongoing game grounds them and helps lessen the horror and imprisonment of modern life..

You are right that many women never grow up, and resultantly, no one grows up...

Old Wolf wrote:I wasn't inferring that men are betrayers and women willing recipients of abuse. I'm not discounting that inference, it actually hits the nail right on the head .. a big THANK YOU for that! I do understand how men might like to inflict abuse in a desire for control to quiet that abandonment demon, my assumptions about women are obviously less personal and more prone to flaw but based on your response (assuming that you're female), not far off of the mark.

I was hoping to get a woman's opinion on this topic, as external confirmation.

Old Wolf sorry I thrashed your thread . heehee. Hug

This video offers some insights about the mechanics of learning through pain...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOzWKAVgh7Q

"Acceptance of the unnacceptable is the greatest form of Grace in this world."
Eckhart Tolle

Surrender to our own misgivings, helps us to forgive those in others and the old pain in us shifts and begins to release.

We really don't know everything and unless we work the problems rather than jumping to conclusions or using supposition as a tool to justify our own beliefs, then we aren't actually going to deal with the problems and the problems will remain. The only way to solve a problem is to focus on the problem and find a specific solution to it.