A Tiger's Final Chapter

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Christine
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A Tiger's Final Chapter

Post by Christine »

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All will rectify in eternal Grace, justice is not mine nor yours to impart.

It is time to put this tale to rest. I have been mauling it over for too long, the carcass has gone dry and it fails to render anything of much utility. Alejandro will never fade, I know him and he will always know me, the rest of the characters in my tale leave no trace to follow, only the shadows they cast, compromised soul particles living as they do from what was stolen.

This morning, early before the first rays of light penetrated the moonless night I woke, the semi-waking of a place between worlds. Walking along a beach, seeing myself as I was many years ago, I walk alone having left the company of my companions in the Mandato, I walk away from my husband of twenty years and my sleeping daughter and I walk with you holding my hand, unseen but felt. Slip sliding between realities as these merge with another set of parameters, another time, another planet … multiples within multiples. At first I struggle to make sense of my perceptions finally giving up as I am the same person in all of the visions, walking down the beach alone.

Feelings arise within my dream within a dream, knowing in some inexplicable way that all is perfect and just as it always has been. As I walk I let go, leaving behind me the sand caving in over my footprints, the rising tide washing away all traces, dissolving me into the relief of nothingness that is all there is.

So tired today, she feels the heaviness of the colliding time lines and the compression of collapsing realities. Words will fail her.

I sit here now, eyelids dropping and the soft weight of knowing surrounding me, engulfing me as I attempt to extract the memories for my final journal entry, the last of my tiger tales. Fierceness hasn’t vanished, she lays in wait, crouched and poised if she is called, yet the warmth of the dark blanket that is covering my energy brings a comfort, one I will slip into like a down sleeping bag after a long hard walk on a chilled night.

Bearing witness, I am addressing my lost companions of the Mandato, addressing Alejandro the departed. It seems fitting that at the close of this year I shut this door finally and forever.

The day they drove me away was engraved on my soul, though now there are only a few snarling sound bites that remain. Carmen’s haughty tone of a warning, “Don’t get angry, Christina.” and Caro’s whispered hiss, that I should just drive north and never look back. Cate's dark eyes never daring to look into mine and Rosendo cowering behind the shadow of his master, performing his duties as a puppet does on a stage, handing me the false promise of hope. The rest of you hiding in this act that is as engraved on your soul as it was on mine. That is all that comes to me now, the rest is emptiness.

She releases a deep sigh and takes a breath, a drought of the life she is enamored of, will ponder for a moment as to what she would say to those who decided they were the arbitrators of justice and elite bearers of cosmic light, the saviors of our world. What folly. She pauses again reading the words she just wrote, knowing what she knows, her spirit rebels at such arrogance, one she participated in, one she is free of now.

This she will write.


Dear friends, such an odd way to address you when you have proven from the shadowy depths of your beings that you are not friends. Still this is the term I choose to address all of you with, for as one who has gone free, has sprouted new wings, I can honestly thank you all, for actions that shattered all illusions and left me a tiny flame untethered and alone. In the terror of absolute darkness I learned the truth of me.

Yes, I feel the gratitude rise from the depth of a deep well and flow in an eternal spring, it is this I wish to share with all of you.

Today I sit in the quietude of my soul, I am not even my soul this is only the package that surrounds a spirit, that tiny flame gone bright and radiant. Immovable and eternal.

A warm silent tear slides down my cheek, for it is sorrow this body feels that those who pretend to hold keys have not been able to unlock themselves.

It is my remaining here in this body that my choices are as clear as the magnifying glass I see through. The infinitesimal bearer of the magnificence, this is the inheritance of Truth. And truth once uncovered, dug up from within can not be owned, stolen or corrupted. For while I can thank each of you for the part you played on the stage of my many lives, in all honesty as in my waking dream I see that all of it was directed by me, decided from inception, pure and whole never leaves as we wander through the seemingly infinite eternities. The ever blooming lotus flower renewing itself, as above so below.

She smiles, words fail as she knows they must.

Interpreters and purveyors of justice will project upon her words their prejudice and fear. They will look from brother-hooded bondage, shadowy creatures that fear the dark light of creation, needing as they do to feel superior and safe in mechanisms of survival.

Compassion, this final resounding bell rings deep.

In her minds eyes she sees a door crack open, it creaks an eerie silent sound, distant thunder and a crack of lightening then silence permeating space, potent and full.

A bearer of silence.
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Re: A Tiger's Final Chapter

Post by norman »

Cheers for the poetic me me me. My me me me has gone almost deathly silent of late. Not that I'm any less self centered, just can't be arsed with identity experiments any more.

And, I don't trust the language we use enough to be either defined by it or even try to define myself through it.

Even music is a string of cliche. Don't know where else to look.

Except to go completely 'primary' and prepare for when i don't have to put up with all this shit any more.

Sometimes I think, I only bothered to come into this world this time to satisfy a curiosity or two.
"The tyranny of a prince in an oligarchy is not so dangerous to the public welfare as the apathy of a citizen in a democracy." -- Charles de Montesquieu
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Re: A Tiger's Final Chapter

Post by Naga_Fireball »

Dearest Christine, thank you for sharing your story. Please keep writing. There are as many chapters to life as there are ways to look, places to go, people to see.


I have missed your posts tremendously.

The most terrible cliche in creation is a human gifted with a language he cannot appreciate. Even when we are in error, when life seems little more than an experiment, we can enjoy the privilege of recording our journey.


Who knows for how long others might look to the example of our experiences and be inspired. The work of some philosophers and artists has lasted for hundreds, even thousands of years.


The blink of a galaxy's eye.
Brotherhood falls asunder at the touch of fire!
He finds his fellow guilty of a skin
Not coloured like his own, and having power
To enforce the wrong, for such a worthy cause
Dooms and devotes him as his lawful prey.
~William Cowper
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Christine
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Re: A Tiger's Final Chapter

Post by Christine »

@norman, ah the soliloquy of me, me, me is but the song of One. Surely you came here for more than your understatement, a friend in truth is a real friend.

And lovely Tiger Lily Naga_Fireball, yes! The blink of a galaxies eye, surely there will be more outpourings from the new trajectory we are on.
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Re: A Tiger's Final Chapter

Post by neonblue »

Shakespears memorable and most famous soliloquy of Hamlet sprang to mind after reading Christine's words along with the divergent responses by Norman (a tad Nihilistic) and that of Naga (inspired):

HAMLET To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.--Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd.

** And another quote that echoed in favour of Christines example is where Socrates cautions: "The unexamined life, is not worth living."


"Socrates was extolling the virtues of a life lived with direction and purpose. His goal was to have his students, and everyone, reflect on choices made that had brought them to the place where they were, decide if they were fulfilled and moving forward, what sort of mistakes and bad choices they had made, how to correct missteps and unproductive periods in their lives and to take action. He was not about just sitting and thinking about your life, but to actively pursue a different direction if that was necessary. He also taught that all experience is important, because everything that happens to a person and how that person reacts is indicative of that person's character. Everything can teach us something. He didn't want people to just blindly stumble along being a pinball bouncing along between life's bumpers.

His philosophy was somewhat in opposition to the notion of Fate and it's controlling influence on a person's life. He believed humans were responsible for their own destiny--not some whim of the gods. His teachings, besides really pissing off those in control at the time, set the stage for an entire branch of the philosophical tree. The rediscovery of his writings led directly to Mannerism in the Renaissance."
David C https://answers.yahoo.com/question/inde ... 813AAHGOeG" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
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Re: A Tiger's Final Chapter

Post by norman »

Last thing my life is, is unexamined.

I sense it's time to leave you folks alone to get on with whatever sense of community it is that sustains whatever devices fascinate you.

Typing words out on a forum page doesn't do me any favors in this community game.
"The tyranny of a prince in an oligarchy is not so dangerous to the public welfare as the apathy of a citizen in a democracy." -- Charles de Montesquieu
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Re: A Tiger's Final Chapter

Post by Christine »

Dear norman,

Is this a good bye letter? Don't take anything here personally and well, be it a game or a loosely knit group of nuts, you can choose how to perceive it. For some there is value, for others less. I simply choose to hold the space open to see what can happen, a small part of a grand experiment.

And, personally I love your quips, they amuse me and also poke, all good.

Christine
norman wrote:Last thing my life is, is unexamined.

I sense it's time to leave you folks alone to get on with whatever sense of community it is that sustains whatever devices fascinate you.

Typing words out on a forum page doesn't do me any favors in this community game.
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Re: A Tiger's Final Chapter

Post by norman »

yea, I know you have a great internal laugh Christine, and I kind of knew it wasn't really you that got on the wrong end of the stick. Quip it wasn't really. It was just as wide open and dead pan a response as I could maintain long enough to produce a few lines. It was written in full giving mode.

As a mate of mine around here says, if it's not received in the same spirit, move on, there are plenty more people out there to meet and mingle with.
"The tyranny of a prince in an oligarchy is not so dangerous to the public welfare as the apathy of a citizen in a democracy." -- Charles de Montesquieu
neonblue

Re: A Tiger's Final Chapter

Post by neonblue »

Oh dear Norman, my sincere apologies for your perception of my getting the wrong end of the stick. No serious rebuke toward intended, as I said Hamlets sililoquay sprang to mind in response to Christines article and "the unexamined life.." reference down to my own belief in the importance of that understanding.

Respectfully, l have never viewed you as one who doesn't run deep and actually appreciate your often dry and succinctly wise input here. l was also on PA for several years and enjoyed your enriching and energetic regular input there very much.

I sincerely hope that you will reconsider leaving EE... your balancing presence would be a distinct loss to this forum.
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Re: A Tiger's Final Chapter

Post by norman »

I've already changed my intention on retreating out of this campfire circle.

Thank you NB for your reply. I'm hesitant, most of the time, to reach out with a touch for people I regard as wildly more mentally boisterous than myself ( and I can be that myself quite a bit, especially in the past ). It's not that I can't see or feel a way I can contribute, but that I'm weary of the shenanigans that usually kick off in people when I do. It's sometimes the case that a person will respond as if I've presented a need in me to be replied to, when really I've present my best nudge or advice or perception shift example or whatever, without any pull back.

The flip-side, of course, is that we all seem to dig ourselves into our own personal little holes as the price we pay for the insights we share around to others. Therefore, it makes sense to be in communities that can grow together ( hopefully without too much familiarity nonsense ) and actually be there for each other when the walls of the holes we've dig are just that bit too over bearing for us on our own, whether we realise it or not.

The biggest 'giveaway' that someone is in need of a touch is when they start to repeat themselves. That's been my recent conundrum, because I've been trying to get the balance right between 'practice makes perfect' and 'repetition suffocates creativity'. The implications, either way, have recently been mind mindbogglingly paralyzing for me.

I logged onto EE for the first time for a while and found myself drawn to just "be", in words that is. That's a mighty paradox in itself, because written words are almost the complete antithesis of just being, but it's all us cyber villagers have got for now.

That's a ramble I didn't see coming, but there it is.

Thanks again NB.
"The tyranny of a prince in an oligarchy is not so dangerous to the public welfare as the apathy of a citizen in a democracy." -- Charles de Montesquieu
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