The Voices in Our Head
My head is like a room, and it’s getting crowded in there.
The idea of reincarnation is not new to me, and seemed to explain some memories I’ve had since childhood. I had scenes play out in my minds eye of a little boy about 9 years old whose responsibility it was to care for my families goat herd, fondly remembering holding the new born kids in my arms, and I took my job quite seriously. I died young in that lifetime, from some kind of illness that produced a very high fever. I remember just kind of fading away.
Another one that came to me early on is a lifetime where I was a very religious woman, married to a preacher back in the early days of this country’s invasion. I was very knowledgeable in the use of herbs and a skilled midwife as well. My attire was just like the early pilgrims wore, and was surprised to learn that a direct descendent had come over on the Mayflower with his aunt and uncle, the Tiley’s, when he was just 16, and his family were some of the original pilgrims who came to this country. One other lifetime was quite clear, and that was of being a young woman who had two children with a very abusive man. I was so miserable in that lifetime that I left my two young sons behind and joined a convent for the rest of my life. The guilt I felt for doing that carried over into this lifetime, until I made a conscious effort to clear it.
That all seemed pretty straight forward, and fairly easy to integrate, but then I started having other scenes accompanied by great emotion that began coming into my conscious mind. Were these all lifetimes I actually lived, memories in my ancestral line, members of my soul family, or something else? I really don’t know for sure anymore. But as I’ve allowed each of these to come forward, no matter how bizarre and unlikely it may seem as these beings show themselves to me, I feel a shift, as if a reassembling process is taking place. I have learned not to judge, and more to just observe and allow.
These memories include quite a wide variety of personalities and experiences. One is a memory of a giant male humanoid being who belonged to a group of very muscle bound marauders, who seemed to travel around and take whatever they thought they needed. I wielded a club, and did so without mercy. I felt powerful and strong in this lifetime, with no feeling of guilt and remorse for being this way, as everyone from birth had modeled these behaviors. It’s just how it was and what was expected to survive. I was quite mortified, at first, that I might actually have lived this life, but then realized that something else was going on here. It seemed as though, with some inner dialogue going on, this being had grown over time, and no longer was even the same being, but had retained the good things that came from this lifetime, such as strength, endurance, confidence, and courage. This being seemed to want to work with me, rather than against, and seemed pleased that I was willing to integrate this part of my larger self into my everyday consciousness.
Another being that came forward over time was from another planet that was destroyed in a terrible war. She presented female, but was not human and was also very powerful, fearless, and skilled in the art of war, if you can call it that. I felt the horror of seeing blood everywhere, and lifeless bodies strewn about in every direction as far as the eye could see. I also felt what she felt, as she saw the blast of light in the distance, realizing in an instant that she was blown to pieces along with the entire planet. In that moment she vowed never again would she revel in the glory of war. The will to fight had left completely. Everything she ever cared about and loved was lost. Nothing was worth this.
The next one was considerably harder to integrate, as it produced some strong emotions I wasn’t expecting. I had a scene play out of being a young girl, maybe 5-6 years old, peering out of a small cage with bars as a most horrible event was taking place. My people, who seemed to be mostly or all female, had been wantonly slaughtered, with many of the children being kidnapped and sold into slavery. Our horses who we ate, slept, rode, and lived with as if part of our family were also slaughtered, and then fed back to us as food. I cannot even describe the horror I felt on this one.
One other one that I had trouble with in a big way was and still is kind of murky and unclear. I could not tell who the person was that was replaying the memory, whether a bystander, participant, or perhaps even victim. Scenes of a ritual sacrifice unfolded in my minds eye, with what looked like a shallow ditch in the shape of a circle and four lines representing the four directions dug out from the rim to the center and a large wooden pole standing upright in the middle. Priests filed in around the circle carrying little pots of burning incense, chanting incantations, and moving in a clockwise direction. A priest came forward and poured oil into the shallow ditch all the way around so that it also flowed into the lines that led to the center. A infant was tied to the center pole, no more than about two years old, and I watched in horror as the priests then lit the oil on fire. This one troubled me for a long time, and still does.
There are a number of others, but the most interesting thing in all this, is that rather than being voices of chaos and confusion, they were voices of many shades, but mostly helpful when carefully considered. They each actually seem interested in expanding my horizons and understanding, and simply want to be acknowledged and recognized for their various gifts of knowing and experience. They are much like the many personalities and people I physically know and interact with in this life, in that there was great depth and individuality, fully formed in their sense of self, yet somehow a part of me still.
Now, contrast all the above with the voices of those diagnosed with some form of mental illness. What is the main difference? I can tell you from personal experience that the intrusive voices heard by a member of my family who is still institutionalized are not of a positive nature at all. My voices don’t tell me that I’m bad, or point out everything that is wrong with me in a derisive manner (or someone else, for that matter). When that kind of inner dialogue even begins to try and take shape and form, I recognize the tone and take appropriate action. I have no room for those kind of voices in my life today. The voices I listen to don’t tell me that I need to kill someone because they have a demon in them. They don’t torment me with thoughts I can’t get away from, and fill my mind with fear, hate, envy, or a running commentary that really does feel demonic in nature.
Although I’ve never had intrusive thoughts or voices in my head to the level that my institutionalized relative has, I have had many years of working with these inner voices to identify where they are coming from, and understand myself better. Even the memory that surfaced fairly recently in my life having to do with ritual sacrifice was not attempting to engage in sabotage of any sort. It seemed more to inform that I have a connection of some sort to this lifetime I remember, and it also informed me that this type of thing is still going on today. I was shown that an energy signature of sorts can be perceived once it has been identified for what it is, and this memory seemed to now help me see this more clearly.
But there is another voice, that while not showing as a memory complex or different lifetime, is more experienced as a discarnate voice that is negatively oriented. Exactly where does it come from? It does sound like a punitive parent type, or god head figure (think biblical) who wants some kind of adherence to a set of rules and regulations that are inherently impossible, and serve only to belittle, judge, punish, and instill guilt, rage, and constant anxiety. This voice seems to even get off on thoughts of suicide, and while your energy seems to ebb away and often severe depression sets in, this voice only seems to gain traction. It points its lazer gaze at both your own behaviors, as well as that of others, while at the same time often feeding the ego in exaggerated ways. If you go to your local physician they have a slough of various symptom suppressors with side effects (that from all accounts are not great) they will be happy to prescribe for you.
I’ve had numerous people I’ve known over the years who take them and choose not to take them from time to time, because of those side effects, and then generally end up hospitalized. I’ve never went to a doctor and talked about this, but can only imagine the response. I’ve skipped it this far and think I’ll keep on my own track there. They hate it when people heal themselves without their god like diagnoses and proposed solutions. But anyway, I digress.
As I talked about before, one of the reasons this subject interests me is because I long ago identified that part of the reason happiness seemed to elude me for the most part was because I suffered from internal dialogue disorder (stuck to unstuck thread). My inner dialogue, once I brought more of it into the conscious domain, I recognized as not beneficial or conducive energetically to creating the life I wanted, and attracting the kind of people I wanted in it. We are creators, to some extent, whether we acknowledge it, or consciously own it and take responsibility for it or not.
When I go places these days I notice more and more how, even though I don’t think I’m psychic, I can read energy very well, and that you can almost feel thoughts when this happens. True, I still have blind spots, and times which demonstrate my need to keep looking for those ways in which I fool myself, or allow myself to be fooled. But even those are not mistakes, but rather opportunities to free myself from the bonds of these inner shackles of misinterpreting my surroundings due to hidden programming, regardless of where it came from. It gives me the opportunity to clear it, which surprisingly makes me feel more whole each time I do this, and allows me to set better boundaries from a clearer perspective.
Another reason this is important to me is because what I am really talking about is healing ourselves. When you heal yourself from the inside out, it does have a reverberating effect on your outer experience of life. And, this discarnate voice of which I speak is basically in charge of our reality right now. It’s up to each of us who is coming on line, waking up, becoming more whole, to divorce ourselves from this energy, and recognize the ways in which it tries to gain access to our inner sanctuaries. Whatever “it” is, it’s stepped up its agenda of some imagined state of perfection and trying to achieve this at our expense.
Total control is what it’s after, the opposite of independence and freedom, and it has the masses hypnotized, much like lemmings following the pied piper right over the cliff. I’m not going, and I hope by relentlessly talking and writing about it, more of this understanding will seep through the barriers that this nefarious discarnate voice of deception has been feverishly erecting with our current rollout of technology laced with ritual magic principles. Ritual and magic are not always bad, but when applied without conscience or a seeming ability to avoid consequences or repercussions, would seem very harmful in its long range effects. In fact, if my memories have any credence at all, this type of applied magic has been experienced throughout this time construct all the way back to shortly after the beginning of what I am able to remember.
I knew I had a lot to say about this, and have been working on this piece for quite some time, but think I will leave off for now. It’s a starting place for what is in reality a wide ranging topic. So may come back to this. I will say this in closing though. My sense is that as beings we are so much more than we even CAN conceive. And don’t be afraid to question what you think you know. We do have an abiding and un-alterable connection to that which is divine in origin. We have a right to re-integrate and rebirth ourselves in a more complete state. This will not need technology or any outer teachers or saviors. It is our birthright. And the manual is already there inside you. We just have to learn how to read it.
I’m not myself today, maybe I’m you