A statement of truth

[Phil]

I shared this with Christine, who was only able (due to time constraints) to give a brief reaction and suggestion I turn into a “personal statement of truth”. I didn’t get a chance to get her to clarify if that meant I should refine (or even proofread…or even re-read, heh, haven’t even done that yet) it, but I was thinking that as I wrote it, it was exactly that already, at least in that moment of time, and was incline to post it on TOT (publicly). So for that reason, as well as to get more of her feedback, and also cuz the discussion here will probably be different then discussion there, I am sharing with you all a thread I titled “One (or more) of my truths”:

I haven’t yet had the inclination to look at the reactions to my last post just yet, I have taken the time to reflect on what I have been and why. Even though I felt (BELIEVED) I was being mindful (if a little emotionally charged), I like to go back and check my beliefs with as much brutal honesty as I can, usually trying to empathize with as many as I can who shared whichever experience…in this case: my posting here.

While I can’t even remember the exact words that set me off, how I remember my urge to post was in reaction to what I saw as Malc (and “nobody”) in particular, and the forum in general, spinning around in the same old loops.

For years, we have watched “whistleblowers” come and go. While each one has different specifics, some of the patterns actually seem to be slowly beginning to emerge, at least in the broad forum context of being visible to even a casual viewers of these types of places.

What typically happens is an individual or idea gets a flood of attention (rush of loosh?), the more vocal of the community as well as the fans of the particular individual or idea go to work trying to bring out as much information as can be possibly gleaned from this medium—with a lot of divisiveness coming in this process, due to the emotional attachments of those that tend to be the most vocal.

This place (and a lot of the others) have done a nice job of learning from those episodes, growing and evolving….at least in that aspect. Lots of “data” and the closest thing we can get to “evidence” are brought to the table thanks to a solid of job of moderation in doing their best to remove the extremes of the emotional charge and distracting personal issues…for that we should all be proud, moderation is not needed only from the mods.

But something happens when we start looking at HOW this happens….when we start to examine WHY these individuals or ideas are brought to the front of our collective consciousness. This is the aspect I am most interested in, so much so that I feel it may be significantly more important than anything else we talk about. I may be wrong, but I don’t feel like there’s much of a point of talking about the structure or contents or future of a house that we observe sprouting up in a murky swamp, if you’ll humor my analogy.

The most recent example that specifically triggered me to spout off on this train of thought, is watching BR prosteylze to his flock about the Corey situation. Watching him “correct” those that choose to give his story energy is frustrating, I’d like to (verbally) “shake” those otherwise intelligent folks nodding in agreement and contributing to the guru’s teachings of how to discern information and treat whisteblowers and expect psyops and get in their face screaming: BUT WHERE THE EFF DID HE COME FROM GUYS???? SHOULDN’T THIS GUY HAVE SEEN IT COMING??? …..and failing that (because he obviously, horribly, tremendously did), at least take responsibility, admit the mistake and analyze it so he (and everyone else) can truly understand how it happened?

And I know that the above paragraph invites all of the many vocal critics to my many variations of this same exact thought to steer the conversation away from the point I am trying to make and towards projections of whatever emotional attachments you think I have to Bill or PA or Corey or whatever…I need to stop and give props to Malc here: that silly bastard did something I see so little of people in his position: admitted to his mistake.

He may not see exactly as I do (we see eye to eye on very little…which to me, makes me value him as someone to interact with even more than anyone who agrees with me), but when he received the flood of the (poorly explained, murky) exodus or the cult of Corey…he basked in being the platform that was essentially the “promised land” for the goodET disciples for a bit…but somewhere in that emotionally charged chaotic mess** made the right decisions, the captain steered the ship (I am sure with the help of mates in his crew…and probably even some of us that were just along for the ride) back to a better course. With the icing on the cake admitting to his mistake, which I have a lot of respect for.

I’m also impressed with how the aftermath is being handled, letting the lone remaining enthusiastic Corey cultist post up his stuff without harassment (while not drawing more energy toward it)….where he was banned elsewhere where annoyance or whatever for “flawed” point of view leads to the “forum sanitation” is more important than tolerance for any point of view—even those pushing some dark or different or weird agenda. Cuz the fact of the matter is…urikorn’s “view” is out there, why not let him reveal it…as long as conflicting views are delivered without attack (and he’s not attacking or pushing anybody)? So there’s some more props for malc and admin and this place…to those who would project motives on to me.

Because regardless of what anyone thinks…my real motive is to make positive contributions to this “community”. Rather than analyze the validity of data that disproves the possibility of Neptune-sized spheres effecting the gravity of our solar system, I try to understand how any piece of data gains any attention…which sometimes necessarily includes looking at PERSONAL details of the people delivering it. And a lot of time, they are not “personal” in the “social norm of letting people have their family secrets” sense…but in their personal relationships as they are revealed on this “public” medium which allows for SO much perception management, given that it is mostly written word and recorded videos.

So now that I’ve looped around and around (but toward) it…my point I hope to make is that I wonder:

Is there a dynamic or device or intent that is external to any (or most) of us that participate in this arena which actually protects itself from the possibility that we analyze true origins…actual cause…THE TRUE REASON INFORMATION IS BROUGHT TO OUR ATTENTION…the how and why it becoming a part of our reality?

We have as many data points and way more direct experiential data to analyze the how and why of Corey became goodETxSG whistleblower who we could not name to DW’s longtime friend and current partner selling trinkets and more stories. We have direct access to a lot of the characters involved. We get to see a lot of relationships, through a relatively long period of time, and overlaps with other seemingly unrelated characters. The story to me is way more interesting than avians or giants…and seem to effect most members of the community directly.

Because it’s insane to me to just accept information from the dude that probably still stands by a narrative that he probably still believes (if not pushes) that our humble founder hacked his site. And the only reason I do the opposite with malc that I do with him (give his motives the benefit of doubt before I look at what he says through critical eyes…I try to do both for both dudes, but when BR is going to tell me how to treat the whistleblowers he creates, he gets the latter first) is that he admitted to his mistake, rather than preach to everyone continuing to make it.

But that’s the loop of the community, and though I may have been wrong in slipping, and reading that behavior in what nobody was saying and malc was agreeing to…I felt it strongly enough at that time to post my outburst. I hope you accept my apology for anything you may have taken personally, malc…that was not my intent. I’m just doing what I can to identify…so hopefully I can help in us breaking…what I see is not just a loop that we humans would choose to perpetuate anyway, but what I feel may be an actual method/implant/mindset that subtly locks us in to it.

I hope I made sense. I am trying to be done posting in private threads, as I try (successfully so far) to be done with pm’s. I don’t believe attempting to hide anything does anything beside show you fear your own truth (or that of others)…but I understand if you feel the need to move this.

**so much was lost during this time, which I think a lot of folks would agree was a more directed overt “attack”, than the subtle one I am attempting to discuss. “Friends” turning on malc, pris’ issues, those with issues with Simon, the emergence of attention toward Shane, tons of stuff…all would be great to discuss, if not for inability to emotionally detach….and to not “move on” before learning as much as we can, no matter how charged or painful the subject.

[Christine]

Hello friend Phil,

I just realized you posted this here, um? What did I mean when I said make it a personal statement of Truth ... allow me a day or so to answer you more fully though the basic idea is to take away all the names of the characters on your stage, they aren't important externally ... What are they teaching you? What conclusion or wisdom is garnered? What new directions would you go? Why did they catch your attention, where did they take it?

As you know I value your ability to reach with brutal honesty and be vulnerable ... a character still sadly lacking in many.

With love,
Christine

[Phil]

I must have misunderstood what you were saying when I was originally running this by you…in fact, I do not even think I was completely clear to myself in my own intent…the whole sequence of events was very impulsive on my part and please forgive any misinterpretation of you, Christine, my friend. To the forum…my words, about any one I mention outside of myself, relate to my interpretation of reality, my description of my mindset from the best of my senses of logic and intuition, filtered through my very human and not always “rational” emotion.

What I was doing was trying to balance my desire to leave the scene completely (and justify doing so, believing it could be positive, productive space/community) with wanting to use my own understanding of reality to help by contributing my own “creative” contributions toward making it better (justifying to myself the existence of this whole sh!tshow). Watching the loops that seem to prove cognitive dissonance I just described is necessary to function within this strange realm, well it’s overwhelming sometimes. And for me, that normally manifests into a vomit splatter of my truth at that particular moment all around the places I feel a relevant feedback mechanism may in place, whether it be correcting and/or affirmation (or just plain venting, or mental masturbation, or a cry for help….or whatever).

…anyways these are what I thought were my most important relating to reading your reaction yesterday as I get ready to settle in to check out your talk with Shane. Thanks for what you do…including tolerating me  <3