Gay energy

[Moonlight]

Just bringing this into the mix... I have a good friend who is bi-sexual. She was married many years and had three boys. She left that marriage when she fell in love with a woman. That relationship became very complicated because of the children involved, so they separated. She then had another relationship with a woman for many years, until death brought them apart. Her next relationship was with a man again for a couple of years, which ended recently. She is now single again and says that she does not know if her next relationship will be with a man or a woman. To her, it is not the sex of the person who determines if she can love or not.

I have met two woman who were married, had children, and then their husband confessed to be homosexual. In those years, being catholics, they were told to get married and that would heal them... That makes for a lot of sorrow.

[Hermit]

I'm having a really difficult time writing a post to this thread, and that's odd because I *am* gay.

First, a timeline.

Age four, I knew. I wasn't sexualizing at age four, but I knew. I tried talking about it with my parents, tried expressing it to my family, but they weren't able to comprehend what it was I was sharing. Not only that, I think that accepting what I was trying to communicate was too dangerous.

Age nine, I started fantasizing about being in contact, physical contact, with men. I didn't have my first sexual experience until I was eighteen years old. I wasn't in my first relationship until I was in my 20's. I wasn't 'out' until I was in my mid-20's, and the only reason I came out was because I got involved with my local Pride committee and my dad's church (which was affirming) was going to march in the parade we were planning. It was either come out before the parade, or potentially meet my family on the street. Nobody was surprised, nobody was negative. Which was different from my elementary and high-school years. School was hell because the others knew before I did, or were able to verbalize it in ways I wasn't able to. They tormented me about it, beat me up.

What's occurred between now and then has been a realization that the great majority of other gay men are obsessed with sex...not sexuality. Intimacy is found in orgasms, not in emotional connection. As a result I find myself a hermit, a quiet traveler waiting, watching, hoping and trusting that one day someone will come around who is my match.

Is it a blessing? Is it sacred? Of course it is. But it is no more unique or unusual than any other human being's sexuality. What it is however challenges attachment, forces the human being to become extremely aware about physical desires separated from spiritual, or even emotional desires and needs. There is a struggle every human being undergoes in their lives, namely coming to terms with the physical--the demands for excess, the chasing of pleasure. Being gay doesn't make this more acute for me, although some days it certainly feels this way because when you put two men with physical desire together in the same room, the energy is powerful, potent, and often directed in ways that aren't always the most constructive or healthy.

That's the struggle I've found in my own experience. It's not necessarily everyone's experience or challenge, but it's what I know to be true.

This didn't feel like cohesive thought, but it was a start.

[Naga_Fireball]

Hey, very lovely post; it answers so many of my questions.

You and my spouse hit on the same issue, which is the hyperactive sex drive.

I have a cousin who is openly gay but not openly promiscuous. His brother is "straight" but seems unable to truly humanly connect wit