Thoughts, thoughts, too many thoughts...

''Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.''
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Spiritwind
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Re: Thoughts, thoughts, too many thoughts...

Post by Spiritwind »

Don’t have time to write much today, but as anyone with a brain cell left to think with can tell, we are moving in to a dark winter, indeed.

I feel strangely cheery, nonetheless, although that feeling comes and goes. Part of it is because I recognize so clearly, now, the underlying framework from which they work, and it’s the same every damn time. Nothing new under the sun here. And, people as whole are quite gullible, is also what I now realize, and didn’t before. Psychological warfare at its finest, or worst, depending on your perspective.

There is a website, I will mention again, as it had a group on FB for a short time, and, of course it’s already been removed. So, for anyone wanting to see for themselves the sheer volume of stories coming out from all walks of life, from people all over the world, this is a very informative website. While it was on FB, almost every post garnered hundreds, sometimes 1,000’s of responses within just a few hours. I was surprised it lasted as long as it did before being taken down.

https://no-more-silence-world-wide.com

A perfect storm is being created, by those furtive folks who work behind the scenes. It kind of reminds me of the movie, The Hunger Games, and, in fact, that’s exactly what’s on the menu. Death, suffering, despair, and losses of all kinds, coming to a community near you. I wish I was exaggerating, but unfortunately I don’t think so, just based on what I see. Of course, it won’t be the same for everyone. I have a few thoughts on that, but having limited time this morning I’ll have to come back to that.

I would follow and look for some of the stories having to do with supply line issues, of all kinds of products, for all kinds of mostly manufactured reasons. Yes, there are huge numbers of cargo ships sitting in harbors, unable to dock and unload. Yes, I do talk to real farmers, almost everyday out where I live, and for the first time, I hear serious concern in their voices. One of the reasons I keep writing here, even though I am currently the Lone Ranger, is simply because I can. So many I know are struggling with this new reality being thrust on us, and it’s all they can do to just wake up each morning and get through the day. They don’t have the time, or energy, to share how this is impacting them. And, there is a very real war going on, that includes shutting anyone down who might speak out, to try and keep that genie in a bottle. I get glimmers though, that it might just be getting away from them. And that makes me smile, big.

So I keep going, being one of many voices in the wilderness, sharing what I see. It is interesting to me, to observe the few discussions that arise on social media, between those who are not just following along, and doing what they are told without questioning, but are actually hostile towards those of us who are in the non compliance camp. They demand that we show them the evidence. It almost makes me laugh out loud, almost. No, we are not going to do your research for you. It’s true, that now you have to look a little deeper, a little harder, but it’s really all around us. In fact, it’s damn near slapping us in the face. If you just watch mainstream anything, or do a google search, you will not find much of value, because, well, in a totalitarian dictatorship, they ALWAYS censor truth. It’s a no brainer, folks.

As always, I have too much to do, and today is no exception. I need to harvest the spuds, beets, and see if I got any carrots. I kind of let the weeds go, so not looking forward to it. Plus, I’m helping someone move today. Long story there, too, I’ll save for another time. And, I need to call my neighbor about his tractor. I’m already thinking about next years garden though, and plan to go at it with much more enthusiasm, as I believe we are going to have to start providing our own food in earnest next year. This year was about making connections, possibly life saving connections, so I believe it was time well spent. Many do see what’s on the horizon, and it’s good time to grow a very thick skin. I’m preparing myself for the possible loss of loved ones who actually trusted the self appointed authorities who are telling them what to do, and what to think, as well as letting those barbs coming from them bounce off me like water off a duck. I’ve already dealt with some hostile behavior, and imagine it will get worse. I’m sorry (not) that I am not willing to martyr myself for them. My body is my temple, provided by nature to experience life in this way, and I see it as a sacred trust. Even though I know we all have an expiration date, I’m not throwing my life away for anyone. Call me selfish all you want (and they have). I see it as healthy, normal, self love. And I am not alone.

I see you.
All the many shining lights who refuse to go out.
Keep shining, like the stars you are.
I see your love shining out from my furry friends faces, when I look into their eyes. I see you in the flower’s smile, the rainbow, and the wind in the trees....

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Spiritwind
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Re: Thoughts, thoughts, too many thoughts...

Post by Spiritwind »

Another day, another cup of coffee, and a lot on my mind. Let’s see where this goes. I have flirted with trees, herbs, and plants as healers for all my adult life, and lately have wanted to take it to a deeper level. If you think about it, life would not be possible here without them. Trees build our homes, and keep us warm. Everything we eat comes from nature’s bounty. Animals depend on the plant kingdom, and therefore even if we eat that meat, it still wouldn’t be possible without plants.

I’ve told the story many times about my grandmother on my adopted mother’s side, who by the way was an indigenous person whose tribe was not federally recognized, therefore to the government’s eyes did not exist. Funny how that works. Anyway, I was about 10 maybe, and she told me, my younger sister, and mom, that she could make her house plant cry. And she did! It left a lasting impression on me.

Last night as I was laying in bed, trying to fall asleep, I started talking to the spirit of plants in general, and asked to deepen my healing experience. I still have many physical complaints that I am continuously working on, and thought I would take a different approach. I thought that I had mostly healed from the traumas of my childhood and younger life, but thought, maybe there is more there I have overlooked. As I felt deeper and deeper into the situation, I discovered something. Something kind of big, really. I now see myself as strong, and capable, not prone to emotional outbursts, and fairly steady in my ability to act and not just react, and be able to think through things without so many trauma based responses to life. I see myself, basically, as a totally different person than I used to be, and in many ways I am.

But, as I thought about the old me, I realized I still have some work to do. Because, as much as I forgive the old me, and accept that I just didn’t have the life skills or understanding to respond differently to life back then, I had passed some pretty harsh judgement against that me. It brought tears to my eyes as I thought about it. I see myself as a fairly loving person, but I realized I did not really love the old me. Maybe the child me, but not the young adult me. I know I have been a targeted individual, and many of my early relationships were designed to keep me in trauma, and unable to see a way out. I also acknowledge that each of these relationships taught me a lot about the world I live in with regards to the human condition. I had been fairly sheltered and truly thought there was something wrong with me, and that the world was mostly full of good, kind, honest people who had it together far better than I ever would or could.

Waking up to the real world was, and still is, a harsh awakening in many ways. I’m not special, or even exceptionally smart, but I have always felt spirit and the unseen realms and knew there was something missing, despite all the trauma and drama. I had been searching for that something throughout all my early trials, non stop really. People always knew I was “different” somehow, even insinuating I was retarded, and reinforcing my sense that there was something wrong with me. It wasn’t cool to ask questions about why we are here, where do we really come from, what happens when we die. It wasn’t cool to focus so much attention on the meaning of life. But my drive in this department could not be programmed out of me, no matter how hard the system tried.

Fast forward to now, and it’s like I’m not even living in the same reality, as I understood it back then. I used to try and fit in, and “belong”, and now I could care less, and don’t want to belong to the larger mass collective perspective. That would be like stuffing a large goat in a small crate (sorry, first thing that came to mind, LOL). It just won’t fit anymore. But, thing is, I realized that I still held myself in judgement for not figuring things out quicker, and having lived my life raising at least my two older sons in a very dysfunctional environment. I see the old me as very vulnerable and naive. If I’m totally honest, I’m still kind of angry that my early life was such a train wreck.

Of course, intellectually I understand so many things now. I was a victim of severe and prolonged trauma. Trauma that started in the womb, and even many other lifetimes. It was almost as if I were blind, and just couldn’t see what I do now. I don’t ever want to play the victim again. How did I ever dig my way out of that? And how come so many never do? Then, what about all those who are actually predators, in disguise, and lure us in? Do they do this consciously? Only one of the three primary relationships I had before I met my husband was what you would classify as a predator. The other two were simply likewise very traumatized individuals. But all three perpetuated my inner world of fear, constant anxiety and self doubt. I did not believe in myself.

If I had believed in myself, I would have made totally different choices. I could have been outwardly successful, and my two older children would not have experienced such poverty. I realized I had a poverty mentality. I also realize now, that I was, and still am, a targeted individual that has been having roadblocks, detours, orchestrated catastrophes placed in my life by unseen malevolent beings and entities since I don’t even know when. In this life, memories go back to when I was still sleeping in a crib. I could ask why, but I have, and the answer is always that every single soul here does matter, and dark forces really are trying to extinguish as many lights as they can, or at least dim them to where they can’t see what is really happening.

So you would think I would feel great compassion for the old me, and all the many who still don’t realize they are groping in the dark. It appears there are also many who come in with different wiring. For instance, I’ve always been spiritually inclined, and asked unpopular questions that made most people uncomfortable. Why do some not even have a desire to know? It’s like there is no depth to them. They simply don’t entertain the same questions at all, and will even get irritated. They have no problem complying with whatever the presenting authority figures tell them to do. And they will get angry, as if my non compliance with what goes against my conscience triggers hostility. What IS that???

And then there is the stark contrast with what I call the real world, or, at least the reality construct that was designed so that as embodied souls we could experience our creations. I thought about my relationships with pretty much everything that is not man made, from trees, weeds, and bees, to my many furry friends. My fascination with water, with dark fertile soil, with the air that I breath, as well as my love for the sun are just some of the things that come to mind. Energetically all these things fill me up, turn my lights on, heal, and encourage me. They are what has lifted me out of that deep dark hole I was in.

I remember all those years ago when I went to the mountains and slept out on the ground, fasting for three days, and talking to the big something I knew was out there. That was almost 30 years ago, and actually did mark the beginning of my healing journey, back to wholeness, back to light. I truly believe nature has ALL the answers for us, at least for those of us who understand the spiritual nature of life itself, and want to keep our lights on. But the question remains, why do I not love the old me?

Because, I’m thinking, I don’t ever want to experience that level of ignorance again, because...it hurt. It created an immense pain body in me, that prevented me from seeing possibilities. The possibilities that are always inherently there in almost every situation. In short, other voices were running my life for me. And I don’t want that to ever happen again. I must deep down fear that it COULD happen again. How many times have we been mind wiped? And when do I get to move on, and be aware enough to choose not to step in this hole or that? How can I allow myself to still be vulnerable, yet have trust in myself to see the predator who disguises itself as my friend? How can I keep from getting hurt?

Truth is, I can’t. No guarantees. Still, I’ve decided I will keeping moving, into that uncertain future, with all the danger it holds. Something tells me things have changed. Maybe I’m wrong, but I believe that this moment in time holds different possibilities than have ever been present before. I will learn to not just forgive, but actually love the old me. And I will allow myself to be vulnerable, yet still trust and walk through that door to the great unknown. What will happen? I really just don’t know. But there is no going back, and I believe. I believe in me.

I now know the natural world, and plants, trees, weeds, and shrubs, they are all my allies. They are my friends. And they exude love and benevolence. I will dance with them, as long as they’ll let me, and see where it goes. As I sit here and contemplate what that might look like, I get a warm fuzzy feeling in my heart. I think I will go with that. It’s a beautiful day....
I see your love shining out from my furry friends faces, when I look into their eyes. I see you in the flower’s smile, the rainbow, and the wind in the trees....

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